DEAR ABBY: I have been married for the last 25 years to a wonderful man, "Frank." We are very happy in all areas except for intimacy. Frank has lost all interest in intimacy and sex. It began about two years ago, and I have tried everything to reignite the flame in our relationship. Frank's sex drive has disappeared!

About a year ago, he told me I should find someone -- a friend with benefits -- to take care of my sexual needs. At the time I said no, hoping he would be interested again. Now, after a year of waiting, I am seriously considering finding a "friend."

Do you think I should follow through with it, or keep waiting and hoping Frank will change? Have you any advice about how to restart the intimacy in our relationship? -- EXTINGUISHED IN VIRGINIA

DEAR EXTINGUISHED: You and your husband need to have another serious talk about this. He should also talk to his doctor and ask for a referral to a urologist and an endocrinologist, who may be able to help. The inability to achieve an erection occurs in some men around age 50 and even younger, which is why Viagra is such a popular drug. If your husband is willing to discuss this with a medical professional, it may be the solution to his (and your) problem.

DEAR ABBY: I met a co-worker about a year ago and we started dating. He had been clean and sober from alcohol for more than 10 years. We got along very well, but he is drinking again, and his behavior has changed -- there are mood swings, bouts of jealousy and finger-pointing.

When he drinks, it's unpleasant, and the smell seeping from his pores is nauseating. He finds almost any reason to have a drink. When I try to talk to him about it, he says he does nothing wrong and he drinks because he wants to, or some other reason that makes no sense. I'm tired of the excuses. Then he begs for forgiveness or accuses me of not wanting him around.

I have told him he needs to work on himself and get back into the program, and he says all he can do is take one day at a time. He drinks and drives, which poses a danger to himself and others. He's jealous of my ex and my grown children. He plays the victim, and his answers to questions are, "I don't remember," "I didn't do anything," or "I don't know what you're talking about." I'm at my wits' end and can't take any more. Please help. -- TOXIC RELATIONSHIP

DEAR TOXIC: Draw the line. Remind your co-worker that when you started dating him, he was on the wagon. Tell him that when he drinks his personality changes, and you do not like the person he becomes. You need to educate yourself about alcoholism, and an effective way to do that would be to join Al-Anon and attend some meetings.

If you really "can't take any more," stop dating him! And, if it creates problems where you work, inform your boss or supervisor. I'm sure that because of the potential liability, your employer won't be thrilled about having a drunk for an employee.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 77-year-old woman with a 27-year-old granddaughter who loves electronic gadgets and toys. She's comfortable financially and often buys expensive gifts for me. While I appreciate her generosity and her desire to make my life "easier and more fun," I simply am not interested in them.

I find these devices more frustrating than enjoyable. I don't need anything, and I don't want anything. I have asked her repeatedly to please not spend her money on me, but it falls on deaf ears. Perhaps if you print this, she might realize how difficult it sometimes is for us older folks to use these gadgets. How can I get my point across without hurting her feelings? -- GOOD INTENTIONS

DEAR GOOD INTENTIONS: Tell your granddaughter you love her and appreciate her generosity, but electronic gadgets are not enjoyable for you, and you wish she would stop giving them to you. If she asks what you might like, explain (again) that you do not need anything but would instead like to spend time or go to an event with her. That message should not cause hurt feelings.

DEAR ABBY: I have one sibling, a sister, who is three years younger than I am. Our mom is very elderly. My sister and I have a terrible relationship. We cannot get along.

When Mom dies, would it be OK for me not to go to the funeral? We have no other family, and I have no desire to see my sister. Mom and I have a great relationship. Do other people experience this? I told her lawyer I can't go. He said he understands. -- ON MY OWN IN NEW YORK

DEAR O.M.O.: Funerals may seem to be "for" the deceased, but they are really to comfort the living. The time to demonstrate respect and affection is while someone is living. You have done that with your mother for many years. I doubt there is much left unsaid between you. When your mother passes, do what feels right to you. Your mother's lawyer said he understands. That should be enough dispensation.

DEAR ABBY: After spending hours preparing a meal, is it appropriate for your guest to cover the food on their plate with salt and pepper without first tasting it? Beyond being inappropriate, isn't it just plain rude? Should I say something? Never invite them for a meal again? Or just let it go? -- IN A STATE IN THE GARDEN STATE

DEAR IN A STATE: The next time a guest reflexively gestures toward the saltshaker without having taken a bite of your food, you would be within your rights to ask why. Perhaps your cooking tends toward the underspiced.

If you are truly offended by this, no rule of etiquette decrees that you must invite the person again. (I also know of no rule of etiquette that states a host must put salt and pepper on the table.) If a friendship is a warm one, I'm inclined to allow my guests to do whatever makes them comfortable, appreciate them for who they are and let something like this go.

DEAR ABBY: When we are out as a family, my 30-year-old, millionaire son never pays for anything. He eats more than any of us and never reaches for his wallet, not even to help with the tip. This has been going on for years, and my wife always defends him. I have given up trying to fix it.

I'm writing because my son never fails to criticize the amount of the tip I do leave. I generally leave something in the 15% to 18% range, which he finds offensive. He works in the hospitality industry and insists that 20% is minimum. When I invite him to supplement the tip, he says, "If you don't want to tip appropriately, you shouldn't go out to eat."

I am a retired teacher. The idea of tipping a waiter $45 for carrying plates for 10 minutes seems ludicrous to me. He says the tips are shared by the whole staff, and they are how they feed their families.

I would love to hear your thoughts, because I've reached the point where I no longer want to go out with the family again. Last time, the bill was $150, to which I added a $28 tip, only to be humiliated and told I was a cheapskate who should be ashamed of myself. -- FAIR DAD IN TEXAS

DEAR DAD: The rules of tipping have changed in recent years. What used to be considered adequate in the 15% to 18% range is no longer the norm. Twenty percent or more is standard now. However, for your millionaire son to criticize you about the size of the tip you are leaving (while refusing to supplement it) is beyond rude. He's biting the hand that just fed him, and you and your wife should point it out.

DEAR ABBY: I am a single woman who has been dating the same guy for 13 years. Before that, I was married for 35 years. I have NEVER cheated on anyone I have been with. Many of my friends' male friends (married and single) have hit on me. Maybe it's because most people don't see my boyfriend and me out and about. When they hit on me, I tell them I'll tell their wife or girlfriend. I have a straightforward personality, so most of the guys won't go further than that.

The husband in a couple I know builds decks. I hired him to build one for me. I always held him in high regard for his relationship with his wife and how he treated me as a woman and a friend. He was a rare true gentleman. Then, one day while he was here building my deck, he hit on me. I flat-out told him no way, and that I respected his wife and marriage more than he did. Needless to say, I was heartbroken and disappointed.

Abby, he hasn't completed work I have paid for, and I really want to defend myself to his wife. Shouldn't she be thanking me instead of hating me? How do I handle this? -- CRYING OVER IT IN ILLINOIS

DEAR CRYING: Handle this by finding someone else to complete your deck project. Take him to small-claims court to have your money refunded -- or go to Judge Judy and let her eviscerate the presumptuous scoundrel.