Dear Abby

DEAR ABBY: My next-door neighbors, whom I have become close with, have three adult children. My friends admit it's always been important for them to be their children's friends and be the "popular" parents, enforcing no discipline/guidance ever in their children's lives, still to this day.

The 19-year-old daughter has drug and alcohol problems and recently lost control at a friend's house while under the influence. Her parents were called to pick her up. They called me on their way home and asked if I could help to get her under control. When they arrived, the daughter was screaming and violently beating up her mother in the back seat. She kicked out the side window of the car and was urinating everywhere. She was suicidal.

We got her out of the car, and she continued to be combative, screaming repeatedly that she wanted to die. I told them I was going to call 911 and they turned on me telling me, "Absolutely not!" They just wanted help to get her inside and tie her to the furniture and let her sleep it off. I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

They dragged her by her arms on the ground into the house, where the screaming and fighting escalated. I called the police. She was transported to the hospital on a 5150, 72-hour hold. Now they are mad at me. I feel I did the right thing, especially since they chose to involve me and given what the alternative could have been. Was I wrong? Or do I need to reevaluate the friendship? -- INTERVENING IN ARIZONA

DEAR INTERVENING: By all means, reevaluate your friendship with this clueless couple, who should be thanking you. Their daughter needs far more help than her parents could provide by tying her to the furniture. She needs intervention, as well as psychological and medical treatment. You not only did nothing wrong by calling 911, you did everything right.

DEAR ABBY: I recently made plans with a friend. A couple days beforehand, when I texted her asking if we were still on, she told me she'd made other plans. She claims she forgot we had plans, but she told the other person there was nothing written in stone, so she opted to hang out with her for a special birthday dinner.

My friend admitted she wanted to spend time with the other person, which is fine, but I don't understand her lying to me about forgetting our plans. Now I no longer trust what she says. Lying does not build relationships, and she doesn't appear to care how I feel. I don't know how to respond to her now because she doesn't see why I am upset, regardless of what I say. -- CAST OFF IN MICHIGAN

DEAR CAST OFF: Stop responding to this person, who seems like more of a flake than a friend. If her company is worth it, see her when it's convenient for you, and if you get a better offer don't hesitate to jump on it -- after telling her what you are doing, of course. To simply stand her up would be rude.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been pet owners for 30 years. Our last beloved dog passed away six months ago. We are in our late 50s and still work full time. We agreed we would not get any more animals because we would like to travel without worry for a change.

My sister has a big old dog that is good-natured and well-mannered, and she's hinting for me to keep him so she can go to stay in her son's condo in Florida that allows no pets. Her dog may be well-mannered, but he drools and shakes his head and all that flies all over my house and furniture. Yuck! I recommended a friend of mine to her who would take good care of him.

After our last pooch died, we cleaned our house, bought new rugs and got rid of the dog odor. We are not ready for any more animals in our home. I commute to my job by train and, frankly, don't have time to watch her dog.

Since I recommended my friend, my sister has stopped answering my calls and texts. I feel bad, but her animal is not my responsibility. My husband and I don't want to share our home with her 89-pound dog. Her request was presumptuous, but I still feel guilty. What should I do? Just deal with the silence? I don't feel I deserve the punishment I'm receiving. -- IN THE DOGHOUSE IN TENNESSEE

DEAR DOGHOUSE: What you do now is stick to your guns and refuse to knuckle under to your sister's emotional blackmail. She should have accepted your refusal to be the answer to her big, jowly, drooly problem with grace. You have been a responsible pet owner. You were kind to recommend someone who would take good care of your sister's furry family member, and you have the RIGHT to enjoy your freedom now.

DEAR ABBY: For more than seven years, my partner and I have been in a romantic relationship. In the past, our connection was full of affection. We would hold hands, kiss and hug in public. However, over the past year, his affection has diminished. While I trust that he still loves me, I suspect he no longer finds me attractive.

I have spoken to him about it and explained the effect this is having on my self-esteem, and that I cry myself to sleep. He attributes his lack of passion to exhaustion, despite having plenty of energy for other activities. He's 67; I'm 53. I don't know what to do because he refuses to seek counseling. Please help. -- ROMANTIC LADY IN TEXAS

DEAR LADY: Because your partner refuses to seek counseling doesn't mean that you couldn't benefit from it. His diminished interest in affection, and everything that goes with it, is not necessarily a reflection on you.

Some males in his age bracket experience a similar lack of interest in sex. However, when they see the effect it may have on their partner, they consult a specialist to ask if anything can be done about it. Your partner's doctor could refer him to someone, but only if he's willing to ask.

DEAR ABBY: After several years of worsening arguments, I told my father I was tired of fighting with him, and we needed family counseling. He was deeply, explosively offended and not only refused to talk about counseling, but also ceased all contact with me.

He called my siblings and told them I was disowned and then changed his will. This was surely an overreaction, but it might be generational. When I said we needed to see a therapist, I think he heard me calling him (or us?) mentally ill, which he found unacceptable.

The relationship with my dad is probably not repairable, but he has told all of our extended family that I'm the one who cut off contact with him and that I started it. I guess that's sort of true because I said we needed to be in counseling before we visited each other again, but the way he tells the story made me look like a villain, and my aunts and cousins stopped inviting me to family events. No one will pick up the phone or answer emails.

I have a good job and live on my own, so it's not that I need their support, but I miss them and hate them thinking so poorly of me. Besides going to counseling myself, which I'm doing, what can I do? -- MISSING IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR MISSING: There is little more you can do besides what you have already tried. You might send out one more mass email blast explaining in detail what happened with your father, tell them you love and miss them and that you are sorry that your suggestion that you and Dad have family counseling resulted in your being shunned (which is what is happening). Then get on with your life and gather a "chosen family" of friends who are supportive in good times and bad.

DEAR ABBY: I am a retired nurse on a limited income. Shortly after retiring, I used a large part of my retirement money to pay off the house, put on a much-needed new roof and purchase a car and various household necessities so I could at least come close to living on my Social Security income.

For the last seven years, my daughter has lived with me along with her children, who have grown in number from one to three in that short time. She's unable to keep a job because she has a variety of mental and medical issues, so I have gladly helped with co-parenting the children.

I pay the bills, run errands and provide the transportation for our household while she does most of the food procurement. Some of the disputes we wind up having are about the food -- eating and wasting, etc. Because I have allowed her to live here and already pay almost all the bills, am I wrong for wanting a say in matters of menu and grocery lists? She gets very possessive about the shopping choices. -- FUSSING OVER FOOD IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR FUSSING: You are a loving, caring and generous mother. I assume you are also paying for the food your daughter is buying. If that's the case, then your wishes should prevail when it comes to what's on the menu.