DEAR ABBY: I recently scheduled a last-minute consultation with my doctor that might result in surgery. My husband has a meeting during that time, which isn't actually necessary, but he feels he needs to attend. I feel he is choosing a non-urgent obligation over my more immediate concerns.

All that said, I am capable of handling what comes my way by myself. I was just hoping for some emotional support from my spouse of 31 years. I have had plenty of that financially, but not emotionally. I'm trying to figure out why he's not taking my medical issue as seriously as I am. -- ON MY OWN IN WASHINGTON

DEAR O.M.O.: What a sad letter. After 31 years, you may have to accept that financial support is all your husband is capable of giving. Because you need emotional support, consider asking a close friend or relative to stay close while you resolve your medical issue. Although it may not be your first choice, it would be the more practical solution.

DEAR ABBY: My father left my older sister and me out of his will. He inherited money, went to an Ivy League university and raised two sets of stepkids. I know he didn't have a lot left at the end, but what there was went to his third wife.

We had hoped he would help his granddaughters with cars, etc. I wish we had discussed it beforehand so it wouldn't have spoiled our larger-than-life memories of him. Are we selfish to feel let down? -- STILL MISSING DAD IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR STILL MISSING: Your feelings are your feelings. If your father led you to believe your children were in his will, then those feelings are justified. However, if he didn't do that, you are wrong to have expected him to buy "cars, etc." for your children. Considering his marital history, his widow may need every penny he left her.

DEAR ABBY: I have a neighbor I truly love. I garden; she does not. Despite my asking her two years ago not to take any of my asparagus, yesterday she mentioned in conversation, "I love your asparagus. Sometimes I pick some for myself."

Abby, last year I was left with only enough for one meal for myself! How can I say to her, "Stop raiding my food source!"? I live on a limited budget. Many times, I can't afford to buy vegetables, which she is aware of. I'm very hurt by her behavior. Thank you for any insight you can give. -- OUT OF THE GARDEN IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR OUT: Sit your light-fingered neighbor down and remind her of some facts of your life. Tell her again that you are on a limited budget and grow vegetables because they have become too expensive for you to buy. Also remind her that you have asked her before not to do what she has been doing, and tell her how hurt you are that she would steal from you. It is the truth, and she needs to hear it. She should be ashamed of herself.

DEAR ABBY: My young adult child came out to us as transgender several months ago. My husband and I, along with her siblings, are supportive and love her unconditionally.

She recently decided to share the news with her grandparents, sending a heartfelt email along with a couple of resources specifically for grandparents. One grandparent has been completely supportive, immediately started using the correct name and pronouns, began doing some research and continues to treat her as the amazing young adult she is.

The other grandparents sent a text that pretty much said, "We love you because you're family, but we don't really support you." They have had no contact since. My child is extremely disappointed, and my heart breaks for her. She (and we) knows she may lose friends and family over this, but I guess we always hoped grandparents' love was unconditional. What advice do you have for her and for us to continue to support her? -- UNCONDITIONALLY IN OREGON

DEAR UNCONDITIONALLY: Your daughter is fortunate to have loving, supportive parents, siblings and one grandparent who is willing (and able) to accept her as her true self. She needs to be prepared for the fact that not everyone will do that.

This other set of grandparents appear to be less open to learning and less flexible in what they are able to accept. Your daughter should continue on her own path and not permit their judgments to define her. If she can do that, she'll be happier.

DEAR ABBY: Last year, my husband and I relocated to my hometown, which I left 40 years ago. We are happy with our choice to return. Our problem is my friend "Shirley," who I have known since grade school. Shirley has always been a high achiever, but lately she has been taking credit for our positive life decisions.

At the dinner party we threw to thank neighbors and childhood friends for supporting us through our move, Shirley dominated the conversation about her role. When I reconnect with former classmates, if she is around, she inserts herself and makes the conversation about her, or puts me down by making passive-aggressive comments.

Shirley's had a rough life, so I have chalked it up to her needing a win. But now she's doing this with my husband, and it has crossed the line. She didn't do this when we lived out of state. What can I do to put our friendship back to a more equal footing? -- REACHING THE LIMIT IN OHIO

DEAR REACHING: Please reread your letter. The person you have described is not a "friend" -- she's an insecure, jealous individual you happen to have known for a long time. She needs to be the center of attention regardless of how it makes you appear. Do NOT fool yourself into thinking you can make someone like this into a friend. The less you see of Shirley, the better off you and your husband will be.

DEAR ABBY: I've been seeing a man, "Barry," who worked with my younger brother. They had an altercation at work, and Barry was terminated for misconduct. My brother, "Rob," is upset with me because I still see him. Barry did reach out to Rob to apologize and see if they could move on. While my brother has forgiven Barry, he has chosen to have no contact with him, and continues to want to control the narrative.

Am I wrong for going against my brother and continuing the relationship? I was in prior abusive relationships that Rob wasn't concerned about. But when it is about him, he lets me know he's "disappointed" or worried about my well-being. I have set boundaries with them both, but that altercation was between them, not me. -- TORN IN SOUTH DAKOTA

DEAR TORN: The altercation between your brother and Barry must have been a doozy for him to have lost his job. You mentioned that you have been in "prior abusive relationships," which tells me your man-picker may be somewhat skewed. Barry may have anger management issues that need to be addressed.

Like it or not, your brother is right that Barry could be dangerous. The altercation may have been between them, but what's to prevent your boyfriend's volatile temper from erupting on you? Your relationship with Barry could be hazardous to your health, which is why I am urging you to move on and find someone more stable.

DEAR ABBY: I'm in a loving relationship with my wife, who is 10 years older. Last year, we discussed her retiring from the workforce. She's 63 and has worked her whole life. We weren't 100% prepared for this move financially, but I'm happy to see her happy, enjoying time with the grandkids and doing other things.

Here's the rub: She gets bored sometimes. When she gets bored, she spends money and arranges things for us to do that I dislike -- like going camping. I still work full time, and I enjoy my weekends at home relaxing. I think it'd be helpful for her to find a part-time job. I have suggested it, but then she gets hostile and asks if I think she's wasting her time. It becomes an uncomfortable conversation.

Any suggestions about what I can say so I won't tick her off while helping her realize she could find something else to keep her busy and contribute financially? -- TRYING TO KEEP UP IN ARIZONA

DEAR TRYING: Tell your wife you are happy she is enjoying her retirement, but you are still fully employed. Then remind her that when she decided to leave the workforce, you weren't fully prepared for it financially. Explain that for the time being, you need the weekends to rest, not to go camping, which is one of your least favorite things to do. And while you're at it, mention that you know she enjoys shopping, and a part-time job would give her more discretionary money to do it. I don't think that any of those statements should be inflammatory.