DEAR ABBY: I'm struggling to continue my relationship with my dad, who is in his 80s. He recently became very ill and nearly died. He was unable to walk for several months, and when he was finally able to start getting around, it was with a wheelchair and walker. Dad started driving his truck, although my brother and I strongly suggested it wasn't safe for him. He wasn't even able to get into the truck without assistance.

A little history: Our mother was killed in a car accident when I was 14 and my brother was 18. She was hit by an elderly gentleman whose family admitted he shouldn't have been driving.

So here's the conflict: We have pleaded with Dad not to drive and endanger the lives of everyone on the road, including his own. Our stepmom refuses to take away the keys and even encourages him to drive despite the fact that we have asked them repeatedly to stop. He says he won't have a wreck and it's safe.

This is so hurtful. He continues to be selfish and completely ignores the fact that our mother died because of someone like him. What should I do? I know Dad doesn't have much time left, but I'm struggling to keep our relationship going. -- FED-UP DAUGHTER IN MISSISSIPPI

DEAR DAUGHTER: Your father's desire for independence may be stronger than his reason. If he needs assistance getting into his truck, who is there to help him when it's time to exit the vehicle? Does his doctor think it is safe for him to be driving? Consider posing this question to his doctor in writing.

You and your brother might also consider informing the police in your community that, because of his disability, you are afraid your father may pose a danger on the road. Because he refuses to listen, that's all you and your brother can do.

DEAR ABBY: Recently, my best friend, "Stuart," found a new partner of the same gender. I'm happy he found someone with whom he has a deep connection and I admire his confidence in coming out. However, it has taken a toll on our friendship. When Stuart and I hang out, he brings his partner along. I usually wouldn't mind having more people along, but Stuart and his partner are often intimate around me in public. I have expressed my discomfort and asked him to maintain some decorum and relationship boundaries, but he continues to act inappropriately.

I don't want to lose my friendship with him, but if he chooses his partner over me every single time, I see no other option. What should I do? -- UNCOMFORTABLE IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR UNCOMFORTABLE: What do you mean by "intimate"? Are you describing handholding? Hugging? A quick peck on the cheek or lips? Or passionate embraces and expressions of affection usually confined to the bedroom? If it's the latter, express your discomfort to Stuart again, or see them only in a less public setting.

DEAR ABBY: A married couple we met six years ago had a vacation house near ours. We became friendly and would have dinners and drinks and hang out together doing various fun activities. Once her husband passed, it was just the three of us.

When I'm not in the area of our vacation house and my husband is, he thinks it's still appropriate to do things with this woman -- just the two of them. He includes me in the plans, but if I'm unwilling to drive three hours (I work; he's retired), they go out on their own, although he always asks me if it's OK. I don't feel comfortable saying, "No. Stay home alone, like me."

I don't trust him, nor do I trust her, because we don't have much in common, such as education or hobbies. We are not great friends, although she's kind and good-hearted. I feel a lot of anger and resentment toward my husband and her for behaving in this manner. He continues to insist this is a platonic friendship and nothing more.

I have said countless times that we should divorce if she is someone he wants to be with. He insists that is NOT his intention, and he does not want to divorce me and be with her. I believe he wants to have his cake and eat it too. I'm thinking of hiring a private investigator to get to the bottom of it and free my mind of these feelings. What should I do? -- SUSPICIOUS IN THE EAST

DEAR SUSPICIOUS: What makes you think this woman is after your husband? If it will make you feel better, hire the private investigator. However, if your suspicions prove to be untrue, then it's time for you to consult a licensed psychotherapist for help in overcoming your deep insecurities.

DEAR ABBY: I am not, and never will be, an attractive female. I accept this, and I'm OK with the fact that men don't find me attractive. My issue is, my friends want to have hot-single-girl events. They are all very attractive. When they try to introduce a man to me, the man obviously has no interest and feels uncomfortable. How do I politely tell my girlfriends to stop trying to be my wingmen? I'm totally OK watching them from the sidelines. -- NO BEAUTY QUEEN IN COLORADO

DEAR NO BEAUTY: I am sure your girlfriends mean well, and I'm saddened you have encountered the rejection you have received. We live in a visual society, and, unfortunately, not everyone is willing to look beneath the surface. I do not think you should give up on the idea of meeting someone special, but it may not happen through these hot-single-girl events.

Tell your girlfriends you no longer want them to introduce you this way and why. Although some folks meet their soulmate in a bar, others need to go about it differently. If your friends know their attempts to play cupid have caused more pain than pleasure, I am sure they'll understand why you are OK "watching from the sidelines."

DEAR ABBY: My sister and I grew up with our father after our parents divorced. He was a hoarder. Years later, when he finally had to move out, it took three moving trucks to empty the two-bedroom house. You can imagine what that was like. I am very triggered by clutter. I appreciate an organized home with space to breathe.

My husband of 10 years understands this, theoretically. For a long time, he was on board with a more austere setup. But recently we've become more comfortable financially, and he has started collecting things. First, it was comic books; then a pile of vinyl records showed up. More recently, a set of art supplies seems to always be spilling over the counters and tables. He says his acquisitions are well within what is normal.

I know my background makes me overly sensitive about cleaning, but it's really hard, and I'm stressed out every time I come home to piles of random objects and must move his stuff before I can make dinner. We don't have space for a "man cave." I am in counseling, which helps, but not enough. How can we reach a reasonable compromise when I know I might not be reasonable? -- TRIGGERED IN ARKANSAS

DEAR TRIGGERED: An alternative to throwing away your marriage along with the clutter might be to consider hiring a professional organizer to assist your husband in organizing his comic books, vinyl record collection and art supplies so they are less obtrusive. Other couples have done this successfully when blending two households, and it could be the answer for you.

DEAR ABBY: I'm the grandmother of three wonderful kids. I'm very involved in all of their activities and present at all important events. I have been since Day 1. My grandchildren's other grandparents are mostly absent, partly because of distance and also for personal reasons.

When these other grandparents show up to events or offer gifts or support of any kind, it's made out to be a huge deal, whereas my presence is taken for granted. I'm never thanked for driving the kids to and from school and sports, taking them out for day trips or being there for practically everything. My kids fall all over the absent grandparents every time they decide to show up for anything.

Am I overly sensitive? Will the kids someday appreciate my presence, even though it doesn't seem special now? -- READY TO GIVE UP

DEAR READY: I understand your feelings. However, while I am not sure about your children, I am positive that your grandchildren will remember all the effort you have made and continue to make on their behalf. This includes the countless events you have shared with them. Regardless of how showy the gifts from the other grandparents may be, they can't compare to the close connection your grandchildren share with you.