DEAR ABBY: We are a male couple celebrating 34 years of partnership. We recently took a cruise, during which we met four straight couples traveling together who welcomed us into their group. It was a pleasant experience, and we were delighted to make friends with whom we anticipated sailing again. In fact, the group booked a future cruise onboard and insisted we join them.

Upon returning home and making the obligatory social media connections, we were stunned to discover extremist views propagated by multiple members of the group, including, but not limited to, dangerous falsehoods about and disparagement of gays. One of them said gays should be banished from society. Our reaction was one of disbelief, given the warmth with which we were treated during the cruise.

With true colors now revealed, we intend to cancel the booking made onboard, but we are at odds as to how or whether to explain the decision. I am angry and ready to rumble, while my pacifist husband says we should let it go. Any insights you can offer will be appreciated. -- CONFLICTED AT SEA

DEAR CONFLICTED: Hang onto your temper. You would be within your rights (as well as the parameters of etiquette) to contact the people and ask if they still feel this way about gay people after the cruise. If the answer is yes, ask why they would invite you and your partner to travel with them again. While you're at it, express that the comments they posted were untrue, uncalled-for and hurtful, and that you will not travel anywhere with them again.

DEAR ABBY: My next-door neighbor "Hank's" wife died 2 1/2 years ago. My husband passed away 18 months ago. I would see Hank at church and would always ask how he was doing. I'd also see him sitting outside in his backyard crying and talking to his dogs. So, I decided to occasionally take him whatever I had cooked -- pot roast, meatloaf, etc. His grown kids would come on Saturday to take him out to eat and maybe spend a couple of hours with him. They all work and have their own families.

Hank eventually invited me out to dinner, and we became friends. As soon as his daughter found out we were dating, she put a stop to it. She controls her daddy. Hank and I see each other less and less often now, and she has even found him another woman friend. Hank calls and tells me he misses me and our conversations. Part of me feels like moving on. The other part wants to continue our friendship. Any advice will be appreciated. -- THWARTED IN TEXAS

DEAR THWARTED: I don't know what it is about you that Hank's daughter doesn't like or finds threatening. You won't know unless you ask Hank. While you are at it, tell him you miss him, too, and would like to continue seeing him. You and Hank are both adults and should be able to see each other if you both wish.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Guy," and I enjoyed a happy marriage for 30 years, despite the fact that his mother disliked me and did everything she could to undermine our relationship. Guy died suddenly in his sleep last month while we were vacationing in South Asia. I cut the trip short, but between complying with local legalities, arranging for his cremation and his ashes' return to the U.S., and rebooking an international flight, it took me five days to get home.

I decided not to tell anyone that Guy had died until I arrived home. I felt uncomfortable having people know when I was halfway around the world. So, once I was safely home, I immediately notified Guy's family and my own family and ran an obituary in the local newspaper.

His mother is livid with me for not telling her immediately. She sent me a vicious email in which she called me every bad name in the book, even hinting that I may have had something to do with Guy's demise. I'm not going to respond to her, but was I wrong by delaying the announcement? Is there a rule that says his family was entitled to immediate notification? -- SUDDEN WIDOW IN THE SOUTH

DEAR WIDOW: Guy's mother is grieving. Her anger may stem from the pain of losing her son. She might have wanted the opportunity to see him one more time before he was cremated, if that was possible. If she really thinks you might have had something to do with his demise, offer her a copy of his death certificate.

And no, there isn't a rule of etiquette about notifying someone's family about a death, although it usually happens at the time the person dies. That said, his mother should have taken into consideration the fact that you were in shock yourself and alone in a foreign country, which could account for why no one heard from you until you were safely home.

DEAR ABBY: I'm not exaggerating when I say my son and his wife are slobs. Their house is filthy, the outside is neglected and their cars are disgusting. They are both working professionals, and I understand that, but my husband and I are working professionals too, and we always cared for our home. That is the life my kids were used to.

It's difficult to spend time in their home. We no longer stay overnight because the perpetual chaos and dirtiness is stressful. My daughter struggles to be in their home for the same reasons. I am hoping for suggestions to help us maintain a good relationship but also to guide them gently. It's not a healthy environment for their two children, either. -- APPALLED MOM IN FLORIDA

DEAR MOM: Your son and daughter-in-law are busy, and their priorities are different from yours. If their home is as bad as you say, my concern is for the children who are growing up to think this is normal. If they are earning good money at their jobs, perhaps they could afford hiring someone to do the cleaning and yard work they don't have time for. You might gently suggest it, or offer to treat them once in a while. However, if they aren't receptive, back off.

DEAR ABBY: A close male friend, "Will," ended our friendship without warning. I didn't know he had such strong feelings about my current arrangement. I have been dating a married man, "Bart," whose wife suggested he get himself a girlfriend if he wanted sex/intimacy/companionship. She also told him she would "never want to sleep with him again." It has been 10 years since they were last intimate or even shared a bed. They don't live together; Bart lives in his guest house. They share a son, which is why he doesn't want to leave.

As a parent, I understand. It's why I stayed in my own marriage for so long. The circumstances are less than ideal and something I never thought I'd be a part of, but I haven't felt this wonderful in years. My ex-husband and I were never this compatible. When I'm with Bart, it's magical, and I believe it's mutual.

For this choice of mine, Will has severed our friendship. He did it via text. I'd told him about it two weeks earlier, and he advised me to be careful. He called Bart and me "cheaters," but it's not exactly like that. I'm deeply hurt over this loss. I want to know if Will is in the wrong or if I am. -- NO CHEATER IN ARIZONA

DEAR NO CHEATER: Does who is "right or wrong" matter at this point? Your friend Will does not approve of your affair with Bart because of his marital status and has chosen to distance himself. That's his privilege. You made an adult decision to engage in this relationship, and it has cost you a friend. Live your life, but don't be shocked if others also feel the way Will does.

DEAR ABBY: I've been dating a wonderful guy for the last six months. Our relationship is great, but he has an ex who is much younger than us (a 16-year age gap). He started seeing her while she was pregnant by someone else. He stayed with her until the baby was 3, but, given the circumstances, he continues to get the baby for weekends, etc. He is not on the birth certificate, but the baby knows only him as her dad.

My problem is the ex. She constantly calls or texts him for money or to say she bought things for the little girl. She has called him to come over to hang out, and, most recently, asked him to co-sign for a new car for her.

I'm not OK with the lack of boundaries, and I have said so. He hears me and has told her several times to back off, but she doesn't listen. It's causing arguments between us. The child isn't his actual child, but that fact obviously isn't changing anything. Should I walk away? -- THIRD WHEEL IN THE EAST

DEAR THIRD WHEEL: Your boyfriend is clearly attached to the little girl. You can't change that, nor should you try. That said, he is still with you in spite of the fact that his ex may be trying to get him (and his financial support) back. Whether you should grit your teeth and tolerate it isn't something I can answer. Your boyfriend can, however, and whether you should walk away is a question you should be asking him.