DEAR ABBY: I recently attended a funeral for a family member. During the 90-minute service, my great-nieces and nephews (ages 3 to 6) were running around the church. Their parents said nothing and allowed them to continue.

Following the service, we were all invited to a sit-down meal in the banquet room of an upscale restaurant. Again, the children (ages 3 to 13) were allowed to run around, screaming and body-slamming each other on the dance floor in the center of the room. The noise became deafening with no regard to the older attendees. Again, the parents seemed oblivious to the noise and did nothing to stop them.

My son is being married in two months. Several of the children who attended the funeral will be in attendance at the wedding. How can I address the fact that I don't want the same performance from these kids at the wedding and reception? My husband and I are putting out a large sum of money for this event, and I don't want to leave early because of the deafening noise and embarrassment. -- DREADING IT IN COLORADO

DEAR DREADING IT: I don't blame you for not wanting anyone, regardless of age, to detract from your son's wedding. Now that you are aware of the young relatives' behavior and lack of discipline, you will have to deal with it directly. Inform the parents that this behavior will not be tolerated or welcome. When you receive pushback (and you will), all you have to do is point to what happened at the funeral and dinner afterward.

DEAR ABBY: I have recently come to realize that, even though she may not want to acknowledge it, my mother gave birth to me to replace my older brother, who was, for lack of a better way to put it, kidnapped by legal means back in the '80s using loopholes in the court system. Realizing this has made me understand why I always felt she resented me for not being him. I grew up in his shadow -- something I know she did her absolute best to not let me see, but I was perceptive enough to sense it.

Should I confront my mother, who is so far in denial that it's extremely difficult living one state away from her because it's just too close, or must I accept that there is no closure on the matter when I'm not sure that it is even possible? -- OVERSHADOWED IN NEW HAMPSHIRE

DEAR OVERSHADOWED: Regardless of how you arrived at this epiphany, have you tried talking about it with your mother, who may have no idea this has been going on in your head? You won't know whether closure on the matter is possible until you level with her about your feelings and ask if she would be willing to discuss all of this with you and a licensed family therapist. I'm crossing my fingers in the hope she can help you put it to rest.

DEAR ABBY: I am dating an older man with two ex-wives. I have met both of them. I don't mind them. The last ex-wife and I get along. She usually calls me because he won't answer his phone for her. The first ex-wife I don't like at all (I used to talk to her) because she's lied to me about him.

This woman has her kids call and tell him to call her (which he sneaks around to do), among other things. She talks smack about two of her kids with him (supposedly his), and she cheated on him numerous times. Anytime we see her, which is usually at one of the kids' houses, she or he runs to give the other a hug. I think this is very wrong and I've twice said something to him.

Am I wrong? Am I jealous? He says they don't want to be with each other, they're just friends, but I don't trust her. I feel like she's trying to start trouble. (Not to mention, one of the kids remarked, "If Mom wanted him back, she could get him.") I respect your opinion. Please help me. -- AM I RIGHT OR WRONG?

DEAR RIGHT OR WRONG: Many divorced couples try to keep things amicable for the sake of their children. Your twice-married boyfriend may be one of them. If you trust what he says, his first ex-wife isn't likely to wreck your relationship unless your insecurity allows it. If you cannot trust this man's word, you should no longer be together. What the kid said hasn't helped the situation. Please do not let it cause trouble in your relationship with their father.

DEAR ABBY: I filed for divorce nine months ago. The judge signed my papers six weeks ago. I was with my alcoholic ex for 17 years, married for 12. I knew my marriage was over a year ago, so I was preparing myself.

Four months ago, I met "Aaron," a man I have grown to really like. He feels the same, but my sisters feel I shouldn't be thinking about a relationship. My kids are grown and out of the house. They have met Aaron and say, "Whatever makes you happy," but I'm afraid if my sisters find out I'm seeing someone, they are going to be negative. I really want them to know how happy I am, but I'm not sure if I should say anything just yet. Please help. -- FREE, NOT FREE, IN IOWA

DEAR FREE, NOT FREE: You have only recently emerged from a long and difficult marriage, which has to have been stressful and depressing. Right now you are on an emotional high. Your sisters are giving you good advice. Slow down!

If what you and Aaron have together is as good as you think, keep seeing him and get to know each other better. Stop hiding him from your sisters and introduce him. But when you do, tell them you are not jumping from the frying pan into the fire and plan to spend time getting to know him before making any permanent decisions. You have earned that right.

TO THOSE WHO CELEBRATE ROSH HASHANAH: At sundown tonight, the Jewish New Year begins. During this time of solemn introspection, I wish my Jewish readers "L'shana tova tikatevu" -- may you be inscribed in the Book of Life and have a good year.

DEAR ABBY: My older sister had an affair with an old boyfriend that lasted several months. She was 58 and had been married for 38 years. Her husband, who is a wonderful person and father of their three grown children, forgave her. He's a devout Catholic, and divorce was out of the question. She has made every effort to ask for forgiveness from her husband and children and fix the issues in her marriage.

The lingering problem is her oldest child (a daughter, age 35) who is unwilling to forgive and seems to hate her mother now. My niece refuses to have any kind of relationship with her mom. This situation is so painful for my sister that it's kind of destroying her. Please offer any advice. -- SADDENED IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR SADDENED: Your sister's husband and the other two adult children have forgiven their mother for the affair. No one can force the daughter to accept that her mother, like so many others, is flawed. People make mistakes. Your sister will have to go on with her life and hope that as this daughter matures, she will learn to forgive as the Lord forgives most of us after we have repented.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a caregiver and have been since the age of 13. I'll soon be 54. I have taken care of my sister since our parents passed nearly 20 years ago. I'm seriously considering placing her in a nursing home because she has started needing even more care, and I'm having some health issues myself.

We have brothers and sisters who promise to help care for her and give me a break, but they haven't done it. I am married. Both my sons are grown and out of the house, living their lives. Should I feel guilty or not? -- DUTY-BOUND IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR DUTY-BOUND: I don't think so. It is now time to take care of yourself. You have done more than your fair share of taking care of your sister. If she needs assisted living, your siblings should step forward, at the very least, in sharing the cost since they have done nothing else in the past to help.

DEAR ABBY: I am a stepmother to a beautiful woman I love very much. She has given us three beautiful granddaughters and a handsome grandson. Sadly, my husband has a rare and aggressive form of cancer, and it looks terminal. My question is, after his passing, do I continue to be a stepmother?

I know it's most likely up to her, but I'm curious about the proper protocol. This will help me determine how I introduce her to others. Will she always be my stepdaughter, or does she become my late husband's daughter? -- UNKNOWN IN NEW YORK

DEAR UNKNOWN: When it comes to love, the rules are not important. This conversation is premature. After your husband's funeral, ask his daughter what she would like you to call her in the future, and assure her that you love her as though she is your natural child, and would not want to use any label that would make her feel less than that.