DEAR ABBY: A year ago, I met a wonderful man on a cruise. We hit it off fabulously, and since we live 1,000 miles apart, we stay in touch primarily by phone -- talking and video chatting. He has come to visit me four times in the past year, and we have taken two trips together. He has met my friends and neighbors and has spoken to my family on the phone (they live in a different state than I do). He says he loves me and that I'm the woman he's looked for his entire life.

The problem is, I have never been invited to visit him. When I asked why, he told me his daughters, who are in their 20s and live at home, as well as his siblings are opposed to him dating and want him to reunite with his ex. (He has been divorced for three years.) That is concerning enough, but I have never spoken to any of his friends on the phone, either.

Something smells fishy. It feels like either I'm nothing more than a "side piece," or perhaps he's ashamed of me and doesn't want me to meet or talk to anyone he knows. Or maybe he's not divorced after all. I don't want to waste precious time on something that isn't going to go anywhere. Are my expectations too great, or am I an idiot for allowing this to go on as long as I have? -- FEELING FOOLISH IN FLORIDA

DEAR FEELING FOOLISH: I don't blame you for being concerned. If, after a year of being "courted," you still haven't been introduced to this wonderful man's friends or family, something doesn't add up. Either the man is spineless, or he hasn't been upfront with you about his circumstances.

If you can't convince him to stand up for himself and make clear to his relatives that he has moved on from his divorce -- AND you can control your emotions -- pay him a surprise visit. If he has been stringing you along, he deserves to be outed.

DEAR ABBY: I grew up poor. Because of that, I spoiled my daughter rotten. I gave her everything, but it has backfired. When she turned 16, my husband and I bought her a brand-new $70,000 BMW. I told him I didn't want my daughter to be without anything like I was. She didn't want the $70,000 BMW; she wanted the $100,000 one. My husband said it was beyond his budget.

When my daughter received her car, she wasn't happy. She kicked the car and dented it because it wasn't the one she wanted. My husband took it to a body shop and paid to have it fixed. She says that when it gets out of the body shop, she is going to kick it again and then it will be even worse.

I know what you think I should do. But if I take it away and disown her, she will drop out of college, and her life will be ruined. I know that I'm 100% in the wrong. I just need help, and hopefully, you will have an answer that is different than everyone else's. Please help me with another suggestion. -- AT MY WITS' END

DEAR AT MY WITS': Gladly! When your ungrateful daughter again damages the car you so generously gave her, do not fix it. Instead, let her drive it "as is" and let her experience the consequences of what she has done. If you do, you will be giving her a gift far more valuable than the price of the vehicle. Better late than never.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I are both in our mid-50s. Due to a medical issue she has, we rarely have sex. I don't really think about it very often anymore. Meanwhile, I have a friend, "Edie." We have been friends for a good few years now. I met her in my side job as a handyman. She's in her 80s. My wife has met Edie and calls her my "girlfriend" in a joking manner, at least I think so. From time to time, Edie would drop little sexual remarks, which, at first, I never noticed. When I recognized them, I never really thought much about them.

One day recently, Edie was having a bad day and was crying about wanting to feel alive. One thing led to another, and we wound up having sex. Now she has "awakened" and always wants to engage in sex when I see her. Until now, I never cheated on my wife in all the years we have been married, and it weighs on my mind heavily.

I love my wife and don't want to lose her or the relationship we have. I also don't want to ruin the relationship I have with Edie, if that's possible, who is just a good friend and nothing more. Edie's health is starting to get a little touchy and, per her family history, she will live only a few more years. She doesn't really have many friends or family to spend time with her.

Can I keep my wife and my friendship with Edie? Please give me some good advice as I struggle with what to do. -- GOOD HUSBAND AND FRIEND

DEAR HUSBAND/FRIEND: Wake up! I have news for you. Since you started servicing Edie, she has become something other than a "good friend," and you have become in a sense her boy toy. If you love your wife, stop the burgeoning affair now before it blows out of control and your wife finds out. If you allow this to continue, your wife will be hurt, and chances are good that your marriage will be destroyed.

DEAR ABBY: My 28-year-old son was killed by a semi in a hit-and-run. We didn't find out for weeks until he was identified by fingerprints. My husband and I were faithful members of a church congregation. Many times, I was in charge of the nursery. For three months prior to the accident, I had been keeping a child for a church member at no charge because her dad was sick with cancer.

When my son was killed, Abby, not one person sent a casserole or even called me. Of course, I didn't go to church for a couple weeks. But no one, including the preacher, reached out! Since then, I no longer attend that particular congregation. Am I expecting too much? -- SO HURT IN THE SOUTH

DEAR SO HURT: Please accept my sympathy for the tragic loss of your son. As an active member of that congregation, you expected more of a response than universal silence. More than one person dropped the ball after your tragedy, and under the circumstances, your hurt is natural. You did the right thing by changing churches, and I hope you are receiving emotional support from the new congregation you have joined.

DEAR ABBY: A longtime neighbor and friend has accused me of stealing a ring. I had been providing her with transportation to visit her husband while he was in rehab recovering from a broken leg. I also took her on other errands.

One day, she was upset. She told me she had lost a bunched-up handkerchief that held something important, but wouldn't tell me what it was. Eventually, she said she had a special ring wrapped in there, so we looked through my car several times.

I tried to help her retrace her steps and also asked when and where she may have left her pocketbook open or unattended. She then said I was the only one who had been with her pocketbook and that she was always very careful with her bag. I overlooked her subtle accusation because I knew she was distressed and frustrated.

My neighbor later came to dinner with my family, and I gave her another ride or two. Then she made a threatening hang-up call. When I went to her house (with a food gift) to address the situation, she didn't answer the door, although I am fairly certain I heard her inside. After that, I stopped replying to her phone messages asking for more rides and other assistance. I hoped she would find her misplaced item.

Today, she knocked on my front door while I was out and gave my 13-year-old daughter an angry message that she wants her ring back. My daughter was very upset, as these are neighbors we have known a long time and were always friendly with. This is extremely distressing, and I am not sure how to respond, or how to resolve this. -- INNOCENT IN COLORADO

DEAR INNOCENT: Your neighbor may have interpreted your not responding to her messages as a sign of guilt. You can reiterate that you are innocent until the cows come home, because I'm guessing her mind was pretty much made up that you were guilty after she "subtly" accused you of taking the ring. Short of taking a lie detector test to prove your innocence, I doubt there will be anything you can say to convince her. It's regrettable, but your long friendship with this woman is over. Even if she finds her ring, your relationship will never be the same.

DEAR ABBY: If you ask a guy out to dinner three times and each time he says he has already eaten, is it OK to stop trying to be a friend? I feel he could have been more honest about eating, and said something like, "Can I just get a soda or coffee? I would love to spend time with you."

Anyway, I stopped talking to him, and then he asked me why I wasn't still asking. When I told him why, he said he'd told me to take him out on his birthday. You don't want my company until it is convenient for you? Now I'm confused. I think I will look for a friend somewhere else. -- IGNORED IN THE EAST

DEAR IGNORED: When someone refuses three invitations, it means he isn't interested. Do the poor guy (and yourself) a favor -- quit trying to script your relationships and look for friendship elsewhere.