DEAR ABBY: My husband died a year ago, after a nine-year battle with dementia. I recently met a man, "Richard," whose wife is in the end stages of dementia, which could last for several months or for several years. We have fallen for each other and are a great fit.

We are keeping our relationship from his children since dealing with their mother's slow death seems traumatic enough. Richard's siblings know and are thrilled to see their brother gain a bit of happiness again. My family knows, but their evangelical Christian stance is black and white -- to them, I am an "adulteress."

It's painful to be distanced from my family, but I feel joy and hope when I am with Richard. Should I cool it until his wife passes? We are in our mid-60s and we're afraid of running out of time. By the way, Richard is financially well off. He pays a team of caregivers to be with his wife during the day, and he is with her at night. He wants to keep her home as long as he is able. I admire and love him. Am I wrong? -- WAITING IN THE SOUTH

DEAR WAITING: You and Richard are in your 60s -- you're not exactly over the hill. He spends time with his ailing wife and sees to it that she's taken care of when he cannot be with her. If you find comfort in each other and his wife is not neglected, I don't think you are doing anything wrong. Then again, I am not an evangelical Christian. If, however, you feel it's necessary to live your life according to standards other than your own, discuss it with Richard, and perhaps "cool it" until his wife is gone.

DEAR ABBY: My girlfriend of five years has a 28-year-old daughter, "Courtney," who hasn't liked me since day one. She never tried to get to know me and was rude and disrespectful from the start. Her mom ignored it and did nothing.

We have reached the point where we want to get married, and Courtney says we won't be invited to share holidays with her, and she will never come to visit us. In fact, whenever Courtney calls her mom, if I am nearby, she hangs up on her mom. Her mom has now broken out with psoriasis and is losing hair from the stress. She's afraid of losing her daughter and is ready to end our relationship.

I told my girlfriend her relationship with Courtney is toxic and she needs to step back until Courtney is willing to go to therapy and make amends. With the exception of the issues created by her daughter, we have an amazing relationship -- a love neither of us has ever experienced before. What should I do? -- ROADBLOCK IN FLORIDA

DEAR ROADBLOCK: As long as Courtney is allowed to dictate how her mother lives her life, you two won't have a successful marriage. Unfortunately, the power play Courtney is pulling isn't all that unusual. Ask your lady friend to join you for premarital counseling, where a licensed therapist can help her to free herself from Courtney's control. I am not promising it will work, but it's the best chance you have for a successful future together.

DEAR ABBY: Seventeen years ago, I had a mental breakdown. For the first three years afterward, my husband stood by me. The medications I was prescribed caused me to gain more than 100 pounds. I have tried diets, to no avail. I suggested to him that maybe we could hold each other and see where it led us. His reply was, "I'm no longer attracted to you. You knew when we married that I wasn't attracted to larger (fat) women." Since then, I no longer respect or value him. He has his room, and I have mine on the other side of the house. We do absolutely nothing together.

When he comes to my bedroom, he doesn't knock. When I need to go through his room, I always knock. He said, "This is my house, too, and I don't knock." I can't stand his arrogant ways. I still have to pretend we are married, but I don't feel it. He calls me "baby." I have expressed that I have no interest in pretending and have asked him to stop calling me that.

I'm on a fixed income. All of my retirement money is invested in this home and property. I pay all the bills. We haven't had sex in 14 years. I'm lonely for male companionship. I don't know how much longer I can live this way, even though he didn't leave when I really needed him. Please advise. -- NUMB IN ALABAMA

DEAR NUMB: It has been 17 years since you were prescribed the medications you have been taking, and there may have been improvements made in the intervening years. Contact the doctor who prescribed them and ask whether there is something newer that would allow you to lose some of the weight you haven't been able to lose. It may help if you explain what those meds have done to the state of your marriage.

If adjusting your medication is not possible, you will have to decide how important male companionship is to you, because you may have to find it elsewhere. Consult an attorney and ask what you would wind up with if the house were sold and the money was split. After that, you may be in a better position to explore your options.

DEAR ABBY: My husband of 20-plus years had two kids with his first wife. (I have none.) One of his kids, who answers no voicemails, emails or texts from us, now has two kids under age 5 from his own second marriage. They live less than an hour away. My husband and I saw the younger child once, almost a year ago. It was the last time we saw my husband's son and his kids. My husband has seen his grandkids less than four times in four years. Have you any suggestions on how to repair this emotional cutoff? -- UNWORTHY IN MARYLAND

DEAR UNWORTHY: Has your husband told his son that he would like to have a closer relationship with him and his family? When exactly did this estrangement begin? Do you know what caused it? Once you have the answers to those questions, if apologies are in order, your husband should offer them verbally, in writing or in person. The ball will then be in your stepson's court.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married 27 years with two kids. My wife recently revealed to me that she was raped when she was 14 but said it wasn't violent. She also said she had several adult partners when she was 15 and 16. We had discussed our past prior to marriage, and these things weren't mentioned. If they had been, I wouldn't have married her.

I have a hard time even looking at her now. I feel like telling her I want a divorce, but I'm looking for a second opinion about what I should do. Am I being ridiculous for wanting a divorce over things that happened 35 years ago? -- THROWN IN MISSOURI

DEAR THROWN: Consent laws can be confusing and can change over time, and a lot may depend on the age of each partner. However, rape is rape. When your wife was 15 and 16 an adult may also have been breaking the law by having sex with her, even consensually. After all this, she might have benefitted from counseling (if any was offered).

Your wife may not have previously discussed this because she was afraid your reaction would be as over the top as it has been. Before you decide to divorce her for being victimized as a teenager, I urge you to consult a licensed therapist either alone or with her. If you do, it will give you better perspective.

DEAR ABBY: My first real adult love was a woman named "Sasha." We had a whirlwind romance in the mid-'80s. At the time, I thought she was The One. The romance ended when she told me she was married. The last time I saw her was with her husband at a nightclub in the '80s.

I moved on and married someone else in 1990. I do, however, think about Sasha sometimes. I don't remember her married last name, so I can't locate her. My wife thinks it's insane that I would want to talk with Sasha. I want to ask her if our relationship was real and if she loved me. When traveling in the area where I met Sasha, I would look at people to see if I might run into her. Do you think I'm crazy to want to have just one conversation with Sasha? -- BITTERSWEET IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR BITTERSWEET: It has been 40 years since your whirlwind romance with Sasha. What was a whirlwind romance for you may have been a fling for her. She should have told you from the beginning that she was married, but she didn't, which leads me to think she didn't love you. People who love each other try to protect each other. Which leads me to your question. No, I don't think you are insane, but I do think it's time you stopped trying to revisit the past.

TO MY READERS: Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement, begins at sundown. During this 24-hour period, observant Jewish people fast, engage in reflection and prayer and formally repent for any sin that might have been committed during the previous Hebrew year. To all of you who observe -- may your fast be a meaningful one. -- LOVE, ABBY