DEAR ABBY: I have been married to "Ellis," a wonderful man, for a year and a half. This is a second marriage for each of us. My older children are on their own. Ellis has three boys (ages 15, 21 and 23) who live with us. The oldest is autistic. My husband and his ex-wife, "Mia," share joint custody, but our home is the primary home.

Mia is supposed to have the kids two days a week and every other weekend. We have the children come to our house after school because she works and the law is, if there is child care, both parents must pay equally. Mia takes full advantage of our kindness and usually doesn't pick the kids up until 9 p.m. on her nights. Sometimes, she doesn't show up at all, which leaves us all hanging.

Ellis refuses to talk to Mia about this because it ends up in an argument and he says he can't make her do anything. He also won't go back to court to make her responsible because of the cost and the fact that he doesn't want the boys to see him take their mother to court.

This situation is taxing, and Ellis gets upset with me when I tell him he needs to confront Mia or arrange to drop the kids off at her work on her days. I am exhausted, and this is putting a huge strain on our marriage. I'm not sure it will survive if this keeps up. Please tell me what to do. -- STRESSED STEPMOM

DEAR STEPMOM: Does your husband know how strongly you feel about this? You two are overdue for a frank conversation. As much as your husband doesn't want to spend the money, the answer to this problem may lie in a lawyer's office. The fact that Mia doesn't adhere to the custody agreement may change the amount of money he may be required to pay her, or vice versa.

Two of their "children" are adults now. Has there been any discussion about when and if they will live independently? The youngest is only a year away from being able to legally drive himself to his mother's if she can't pick him up. All of the responsibility for them should not be falling on you.

DEAR ABBY: What do you think of a situation in which close family members and close friends misspell my daughter's name? She is now 22. We recently celebrated her college graduation, and I was appalled to see her name botched on cards. This has been done to her over the years.

Abby, her name sounds similar to a more common name, and I have deliberately written her name out on invitations and texts, etc. It upsets me, and she already struggles teaching others how to pronounce her name, let alone write it properly. I feel a lack of care or respect that they don't take the time to be sure. Am I right? -- MISSPELLED IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR MISSPELLED: How do these friends and relatives treat your daughter? If they treat her well, forgive the mutilation of the name you gave her. She's an adult now, so let her fight her own battles from now on rather than alienate her from folks who care about her.

DEAR ABBY: I'm the mom of an 18-year-old daughter, "Leia." We have always tried to keep the lines of communication open with our children, and we have what I think is a strong, positive familial bond.

My best friend recently informed me that Leia has an Instagram account that's publicly accessible. I can't find her account when I search, which means she has me blocked. The account was created three years ago when she was a minor. I'm not happy with this. When asked back then, Leia told us repeatedly she didn't have an Instagram account -- but I always suspected she did, as most young people her age are engaged in social media.

I would like Leia to unblock me so I can see her beautiful pictures. I'm not a harsh critic or negative person, though Leia often interprets my comments that way. I think she has blocked me because she considers any observations or comments I might make to be parental surveillance. I've told her, repeatedly, that I'm not trying to keep tabs on her.

We have always given our kids what we think is a high level of personal freedom. I just want to see the beautiful images she posts. How do I gently bring this up to her, and ask her to allow me to see her account? -- BLOCKED IN NEW YORK

DEAR BLOCKED: I don't advise you to ask your now-adult daughter to unblock you from her social media. You stated that Leia often interprets your comments and observations as critical and invasive, which may be the reason she blocked you in the first place. Because you long to see her "beautiful pictures," ask your good friend to show them to you on her computer or her cellphone. That way your curiosity will be assuaged, and Leia won't feel invaded.

DEAR ABBY: I was in a relationship with "Marvin" for 30 years, many of them as a married couple. He has many vices -- drinking and being abusive were the main issues. Our divorce was final two months ago. Marvin's behavior was so poor that if I had told anyone, they would have lost respect for him, and he would have most certainly lost his job. So, I kept his secrets at my own expense. If I had shared what was actually going on, Marvin would have faced the consequences. It was isolating and lonely.

I have been hiding this shame for so long that, now that we are divorced, I'm not sure what to tell people. I want to tell the truth about what I experienced, but I don't want it to seem like I am just badmouthing my ex. How can I open up without seeming bitter? -- HELD BACK IN WASHINGTON

DEAR HELD BACK: It's time to speak frankly to someone. The office of a licensed therapist would be a good place to start. Your doctor or your health insurance company can refer you to someone qualified. If you want to ensure that you won't be regarded as a "bitter divorcee," confide in your closest friends. When you do, explain that you know you should have spoken up sooner, but you were afraid that if you did, Marvin would lose his job, which would have had a negative impact on both of you.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married for quite a long time, and I am seriously contemplating walking away from it. We no longer have anything in common. I'm active and hike, bike, play golf and lift weights. My wife is 100% sedentary and wants no part of any of these activities that could keep us both healthy. It has taken a toll on her to the point that she has become obese and has mobility issues. Even a small amount of exertion exhausts her, which leaves me doing almost everything. I did not sign up to be someone's caretaker because she didn't take care of herself.

For a long time, I have become friendly with a woman who is active and healthy like me. We have much more in common than just being active. She tells me she loves my intelligence and what a great career I had. I never received any support from my wife. I am tired of being a slave. I want a partner. Your thoughts? -- FIT IN NEW YORK

DEAR FIT: I think your marriage started failing before you met this active, health-conscious woman. As it stands, you are emotionally divorced before being legally divorced. Talk to an attorney, then tell your wife that you haven't felt emotionally supported by her for a long time and you want a divorce so you can be with someone whose interests and lifestyle more closely align with yours. From what you have written, I doubt your marriage could be saved by counseling because, emotionally, you have already moved on.

DEAR ABBY: I am a single female in my 60s. I'm very much a loner and mostly keep to myself. While I know my lifestyle may be unconventional, it is the one I choose.

My concern is the possibility of dying alone in my house. I have serious health issues and don't expect to live a long life. I sometimes go weeks without contact with another human being, and if I should meet my demise, there's a very real possibility that it could go completely unnoticed for quite some time. I am not asking that you offer advice to fix my solitary life because, frankly, I accept it. What I would like to know is if there is a way -- a service or device or something -- that would alert someone in the likely event that I am alone when I meet my end. -- FLYING SOLO IN TEXAS

DEAR SOLO: Great question. If you have a newspaper delivered, your carrier would notice if they were starting to pile up on your doorstep. The same would apply if your mail carrier noticed your mail starting to accumulate. There are also apps and services that will check in daily with you to be sure you are OK.

One I have heard about is the Telephone Reassurance program. It is often a free service provided by a county's department of aging and disabilities. Volunteers place daily phone calls to older or disabled adults to help them remain independent in their homes for as long as possible. If this isn't available in your area, check with your local senior center, AARP or department of senior services for recommendations.