DEAR ABBY: Our friend "Carrie" revealed to our close friend group that for the last few years she has been having an affair with her best friend "Julia's" husband. Their kids are best friends, and they spend a lot of time together, even taking family vacations.

We have told Carrie many times how this can affect the kids, which she acknowledges, but the affair continues. This dirty secret is becoming increasingly difficult to keep because we love Julia, but nobody wants to be the messenger. Should we tell Julia, or wait until it inevitably comes out? -- ROTTEN IN RHODE ISLAND

DEAR ROTTEN: Are you sure Julia knows nothing about the affair and hasn't chosen to ignore it? Julia has children who still live at home. If you spill the beans, what will it do to the intact lifestyle they presumably enjoy? If you prefer not to hear any more about Carrie's hijinks, tell her you don't want to know any more. But I vote for keeping your mouth shut when it comes to making the revelations.

DEAR ABBY: My son and his wife have been married for three years and have an 8-month-old son. She stays home to care for the baby. My son works from home as well. He has now taken a second job to make ends meet, so three days a week he works 7 a.m. to 3 p.m. and then leaves from 5 p.m. to 10 p.m. and returns home at 11 p.m.

His wife believes in co-sleeping, which means she sleeps in the bed with the baby, while my son sleeps on a mattress on the floor. This has been going on since the child was born. My son also does 80% of the cooking. They live a thousand miles away, so I can't help. He is almost her slave. I don't want to say anything, but I would like their marriage to last. What should I do? -- CONCERNED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR CONCERNED: The last thing you need to do is interfere. Unless your son complains to you about the arrangement, stay out of it. If the situation becomes intolerable, your son will deal with it.

DEAR ABBY: It's been five years since my position as professor at a small graduate school ended. I was forced out after 30 years of teaching, and two years short of my announced retirement date. I did nothing wrong. The reasons given were vague. Being deprived of a solid explanation hurt me deeply.

There was no severance pay and no benefits. I lost a substantial amount of income at a crucial point in my life, but no one seemed to give that a thought. For a long time, I was heartsick. I cannot yet find it in myself to forgive the dean and the president of the school. But somehow, I feel I should. How do I get unstuck? I've actually moved on in many ways, but I just can't forgive. -- HURTING STILL

DEAR HURTING: Here's how to get unstuck: Find a competent attorney who specializes in wrongful termination and discuss what was done to you. Follow the attorney's advice, and when you are properly compensated, you are likely to be in a far more forgiving mood than you are today.

DEAR ABBY: My sister, whom I dearly love, is going through some difficult times. She confides in me about her troubles, and I gladly listen and give advice. Although I am willing to listen and help, I feel she would really benefit from seeing a therapist to help her overcome some of her challenges. I also know that her decisions are hers to make, and I don't want my perspectives to get between us when I say something she may disagree with.

How can I recommend she get professional help without it sounding like I'm pushing her away and discouraging her from sharing her feelings with me? When I mentioned therapy a few years ago, she said I should be her therapist. I told her that was sweet, but therapists have unique skills that I don't have.

My sister is on a very limited income, and I'm not certain what it would cost through her insurance. She does feel therapy is "good," but has never actually done it. She often says she can handle these issues on her own, and I suspect she'd be resistant to counseling because it would be like surrendering. Advice? -- HELPFUL SISTER IN COLORADO

DEAR SISTER: Tell your sister you love her, but you would like her to discuss her issues with a licensed psychotherapist because, in the years she has been confiding in you, she hasn't made progress. It's the truth. Point her in the direction of her health insurance company, because it can provide her with a list of approved therapists. If that isn't affordable, low-cost counseling may be available through the local department of mental health services or from a college or university that has a department of psychology.

DEAR ABBY: My youngest daughter will be getting married in three months. I am 69 and have been a widower for six years. I have been dating a widow, "Rose," who was a high school friend I bumped into at church while she was in town caring for her mother after our spouses passed away. She is well-accepted by my family and friends.

Rose is concerned about her role in the wedding. I have discussed this with her and indicated that her role is to be a guest of the wedding couple as well as my date for the evening. I believe this is appropriate and the right way to address this situation. I would appreciate any additional comments or suggestions you may have. -- FATHER OF THE BRIDE IN MICHIGAN

DEAR FATHER: I gather from your question that you may be receiving some pressure from your lady friend to participate in the wedding. She may be well-accepted by the family, but if your youngest daughter and her fiance wanted Rose to be more than a welcome guest, they would have invited her to be part of the bridal party. Tell Rose that she is your date, and her role is to attend, have a good time with you and support the happy couple.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to "Ellis," a wonderful man, for a year and a half. This is a second marriage for each of us. My older children are on their own. Ellis has three boys (ages 15, 21 and 23) who live with us. The oldest is autistic. My husband and his ex-wife, "Mia," share joint custody, but our home is the primary home.

Mia is supposed to have the kids two days a week and every other weekend. We have the children come to our house after school because she works and the law is, if there is child care, both parents must pay equally. Mia takes full advantage of our kindness and usually doesn't pick the kids up until 9 p.m. on her nights. Sometimes, she doesn't show up at all, which leaves us all hanging.

Ellis refuses to talk to Mia about this because it ends up in an argument and he says he can't make her do anything. He also won't go back to court to make her responsible because of the cost and the fact that he doesn't want the boys to see him take their mother to court.

This situation is taxing, and Ellis gets upset with me when I tell him he needs to confront Mia or arrange to drop the kids off at her work on her days. I am exhausted, and this is putting a huge strain on our marriage. I'm not sure it will survive if this keeps up. Please tell me what to do. -- STRESSED STEPMOM

DEAR STEPMOM: Does your husband know how strongly you feel about this? You two are overdue for a frank conversation. As much as your husband doesn't want to spend the money, the answer to this problem may lie in a lawyer's office. The fact that Mia doesn't adhere to the custody agreement may change the amount of money he may be required to pay her, or vice versa.

Two of their "children" are adults now. Has there been any discussion about when and if they will live independently? The youngest is only a year away from being able to legally drive himself to his mother's if she can't pick him up. All of the responsibility for them should not be falling on you.

DEAR ABBY: What do you think of a situation in which close family members and close friends misspell my daughter's name? She is now 22. We recently celebrated her college graduation, and I was appalled to see her name botched on cards. This has been done to her over the years.

Abby, her name sounds similar to a more common name, and I have deliberately written her name out on invitations and texts, etc. It upsets me, and she already struggles teaching others how to pronounce her name, let alone write it properly. I feel a lack of care or respect that they don't take the time to be sure. Am I right? -- MISSPELLED IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR MISSPELLED: How do these friends and relatives treat your daughter? If they treat her well, forgive the mutilation of the name you gave her. She's an adult now, so let her fight her own battles from now on rather than alienate her from folks who care about her.