DEAR ABBY: I have been divorced from my ex-husband, "Paul," for 20 years. I never remarried. The divorce was mostly my fault because I was unfaithful. We never tried to save our marriage. He immediately started dating and remarried 18 months later. We have remained friends due to having four children and now grandchildren. I get along with his wife as well.

During the pandemic, I, along with a grown child, moved across the country. Paul and his wife followed us. We live about an hour apart. As it worked out, three of our four kids have also moved to be near us. Over the last two years, I have realized that I miss Paul and have hopes of us being together again. (He does not know this.) I have never disrespected his marriage or his current wife in any way.

They have a unique relationship because they often spend time apart and travel to see their families without each other. I think they also occasionally vacation separately. I know this isn't necessarily a measure of their love or commitment, but my gut tells me it's not the marriage they want people to believe it is.

My gut also tells me he may feel the same way I do. I often think he wishes he had done more to help save our marriage. Should I tell him how I feel? I'm happy in my life, but I don't want to regret not speaking up if there's a chance we could reunite and be the family I know God intended us to be. Any advice? -- REGRETFUL IN ALABAMA

DEAR REGRETFUL: My goodness, you are certainly having a self-serving conversation with the God you should have spoken to before you committed adultery and blew up your marriage. While it may seem unusual to you, many couples visit their families separately, and some even take short vacations if their spouses aren't interested.

Do yourself a favor and look for romance elsewhere. Your ex and his wife might greatly appreciate it if you did. Please consider it before possibly embarrassing yourself.

DEAR ABBY: My husband got into a disagreement with our next-door neighbor and no longer acknowledges him or speaks to him when we see him outside. Our neighbor still says hello to me and my special-needs daughter, but my husband doesn't want me to respond. He says it is "standing by my man." Is my husband right or wrong? I will follow your advice in this situation. -- GOOD NEIGHBOR IN OHIO

DEAR NEIGHBOR: I wish you had mentioned how serious the disagreement between your husband and this neighbor was. That he wants to involve you in this mess doesn't seem very "manly" to me. Do you want to be used as ammunition? If the answer is no, and you would prefer to keep relations friendly (if only for the sake of your special-needs daughter), then tell your husband to fight his own battle and leave you out of it.

DEAR ABBY: I dated a colleague when I was 22 but broke it off because I couldn't deal with the fact that he was several inches shorter than me. I did not tell him why. I just said, "It's me, not you."

I am now in my 60s, have had a very successful career, never married and see online that he became a distinguished researcher. In his online picture, he looks like a sweet older man now, and I would give anything to reconnect with him. Would this be foolish?

Was I too insensitive at 22 to understand that I likely hurt him? Do you think he would forgive me if I got in touch with him now? He lives far away, so an in-person meeting would be out of the question in the near term. Would an email be OK? He's in his early 70s and not married. -- STUPID THEN IN OHIO

DEAR 'STUPID': At 22, you weren't insensitive; you were shallow. Look at this from that man's perspective. What is he supposed to think when he receives an email 40 years after a colleague dumped him by saying, "It's me, not you"? Remember, as successful as he is now, he is not any taller. My advice is to leave it alone, find someone you can be physically attracted to who lives geographically closer, appreciates how successful you have been in your career and is open to a relationship.

DEAR ABBY: I am a childless 70-year-old man. Every year around the anniversary of my brother's death, some relatives get together and travel to his hometown to celebrate him. We have a remembrance at the cemetery and go to Mass together on Sunday. We also go out for meals and drinks. There are three generations involved now, the youngest of the kids being 10.

This year, my cousin's son and his wife had a baby. We're all happy for them. A couple of days ago, I sent a group text on our family thread saying I didn't think it was a good idea to take an infant on this trip. I explained that I felt it would distract from the purpose of the get-together. Well, my cousin is offended and won't tell me why. I carefully worded my message so I didn't say anything negative. Was I wrong? -- TRADITIONALIST IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR TRADITIONALIST: You wrote that the purpose of this get-together is for the family to honor your deceased brother and celebrate his life together. When you posted your message on the family thread, did you expect your cousin's son and his wife to skip the event and stay home with their baby? Their baby is part of the family and may be too young to be without their mother. While your carefully worded message reflects your feelings, it was out of line, and I can see why it upset your cousin.

A NOTE TO PARENTS OF YOUNG CHILDREN: If your little ones will be out trick-or-treating tonight, please be sure they are supervised to assure their safety. Happy Halloween, everyone! -- LOVE, ABBY

DEAR ABBY: I'm a woman in my early 20s, and I have been dating my man for two years. I love him dearly and want to spend the rest of my life with him. He plans to propose before the end of the year, and we plan to be married next year.

Sex with him is fabulous. However, I have a very active libido (probably similar to that of a teenage boy), and I'd be good with having sex every morning, day and night. He, on the other hand, is good with once a week, if that. I feel deprived and sad. We have discussed this, and he claims he knows he needs to improve, but there has been no change.

I don't know if I want to say "I do" if this is what marriage to him will be like. I am afraid of him proposing now because I'm not sure I can marry him if he's not into sex as much as I am. Sex is an extremely important activity in my life. I had amazing sex with a previous boyfriend and have actually contemplated reaching out to him. (I wouldn't cheat.)

Must I settle? I don't want to miss out on having sex as often as I want it. It doesn't feel fair to me. I don't want to end the relationship because he's everything else I want. He's a good man, loving, generous, kind, thoughtful, funny, intelligent, a great conversationalist, fun, adventurous, but with almost no sex drive. Can you offer any insight? -- MISERABLE IN MISSISSIPPI

DEAR MISERABLE: You are young and, I assume, there isn't a great age difference between you and your boyfriend. When this otherwise ideal man pops the question, your response should be that before you accept his proposal, you want the two of you to have premarital counseling. During some of those sessions, bring up the disparity in your sex drives. There may be more than one way to solve your problem. Discuss this with a licensed sex therapist who can help you explore how you can be more satisfied without your boyfriend feeling "forced to perform."

DEAR ABBY: I became a grandmother 20 years ago. My first grandchild was biracial, and I suspect that's the reason my best friend, "Dori," never acknowledged her. When I sent her photos by mail a few times, they went unacknowledged.

Now, 20 years later, Dori has finally become a grandmother through adoption. Although I am happy for her, it stings that my four grandchildren were ignored. I have sent generous baby gifts. How do I move past my resentment without making a fuss? I don't want my grandchildren to ever meet her, as I feel any interest would be idle curiosity and not sincere. Dori has never even asked me their names. -- BITTER IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR BITTER: Why do you refer to this woman as a "best friend"? From what you have written, Dori stopped being your friend 20 years ago. You were thoughtful to have sent her grandchild "generous gifts" (or any gift at all). As I see it, there is more than one way to deal with this situation. The first would be to air your feelings to Dori. The second is to continue living your life without her in a starring role.