DEAR ABBY: When my husband, "Sid," was a young adult, his mother died by suicide. A few years later, when his maternal grandparents died, his mother's two siblings inherited his grandparents' estate. Other family members have commented that it seemed wrong for Sid and his sister to be disinherited from their mother's share of the estate. Because Sid and his sister were young adults, they didn't have enough confidence or support to question their aunt and uncle. Their father was out of the picture.

Forty years later, this is still a source of pain for Sid and his sister. They feel they were intentionally disinherited, while their closest relatives act like nothing is wrong. Is there a way to approach the family to resolve this pain? -- SAD FOR SID IN NEVADA

DEAR SAD: I strongly suspect that that ship sailed 40 years ago. However, I am not a lawyer. Your husband and his sister should ask an attorney who specializes in wills, estates and trusts this question to see what exactly happened back then and if anything can be done now to change it.

DEAR ABBY: I will turn 18 in six months. I know I should be happy, but to be completely honest with you, I'm scared to become an adult. I don't feel I'm ready to grow up and leave my childhood behind. What should I do? What can I do? -- UNHAPPY BIRTHDAY

DEAR UNHAPPY: What, precisely, are you afraid of? All people do not mature at the same rate. It takes some individuals until they are well over the age of 21 to assume the responsibilities of being an adult. Others are ready at 18, provided they have already been given some responsibilities by their parents. The insecurities you are experiencing are things you should be talking about with them. You might also discuss this with a trusted teacher or counselor at school. If you do, you may realize that you are far from alone in the feelings you are having.

DEAR ABBY: I have been unlucky in love ever since I started dating, and I'm feeling like I just can't put myself out there again. My last relationship looked promising -- I even saw a wedding on the horizon -- but my partner cheated on me, and it all fell apart. Now I'm scared. This is just the latest in a long string of bad relationships. How can I keep dating if I'm feeling so hopeless? Am I just not cut out for the "married with 2.5 kids" life? -- FAILURE IN OREGON

DEAR FAILURE: Considering your mindset, I'm not sure you should be dating right now. Your time might be better spent trying to figure out what went wrong in each of those failed relationships, because your problem may not be the kind of men you are attracting, but those you are attracted to.

If there are common denominators among those men in your past, it would benefit you to recognize what they are so you won't be hurt again. In the meantime, occupy yourself with friends and activities you enjoy. It's an effective way to combat depression, and it may also give you an opportunity to make some new acquaintances.

DEAR ABBY: I had a five-year relationship with a man. We broke up because he was unfaithful. Even though I'm willing to forgive and still have feelings for him, my kids don't like this man and don't want me to reconnect with him. My children say that if I do, they no longer want to have a relationship with me.

Their ultimatum doesn't seem fair. I'm afraid I won't fall in love again, and I don't want to be alone later in life. Should I respect my kids' wishes and forgo a relationship with him, or should I seek outside guidance and counseling to see if we can try to be a family, like we had planned originally? I really feel he's the love of my life. No one's perfect. I'm willing to give it another chance, but I want my kids to accept him. I don't know how or if they ever will. What should I do? -- LEANING TOWARD IT IN TEXAS

DEAR LEANING: Fear is the absolute worst reason for a couple to reunite. Your relationship didn't work out because he is a cheater. What makes you think this time would be different? There are worse things than being older and alone. There is no guarantee you wouldn't meet someone and fall in love.

Your children dislike this man for a reason. You ask if you should seek outside guidance and counseling. Speaking as the first person you have asked, I'm all in favor of it. Your doctor can refer you to someone qualified.

DEAR ABBY: I have warm memories of Christmas from when I was a child. I didn't start disliking it until I was married to my second husband. My parents grew old, and we celebrated their last Christmas together. They passed several years ago. After that, I really disliked the season and all the crap that went with it. I have tried to like it over the last few years, and did all the holiday stuff. I sent out cards, baked cookies, decorated, bought presents -- even went to church.

Last Christmas Eve, I just "snapped." I couldn't take it anymore. I took down most of the decorations because I could no longer look at them. I'm not well, and my boyfriend has been sick off and on. He likes Christmas, so I will put some stuff back up for him, not for myself. Why do I dislike Christmas so much? It's such a pain in the butt. Maybe you can help me understand my feelings. -- SCROOGE IN INDIANA

DEAR SCROOGE: Your change in attitude may have been caused by two things. The first would be that, in your mind, Christmas is linked to the loss of your parents and to a chapter of your life that is now closed. The other might have been caused by the incessant hype and merchandising surrounding Christmas that starts right after Halloween. It may be time to scale back and ask your boyfriend to help by celebrating the meaning of Christmas, instead of the trappings. Helping someone -- or a family -- less fortunate comes to mind.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter was diagnosed with a disease. Soon after, she decided to marry a man she'd met. I'm not fond of the guy, and I find it difficult to have a relationship with him. They moved to another state, and I asked that she not bring him to this house. However, every chance she gets, she brings him, and he acts as if this is his house. Right now, I'm in counseling to help me find a solution to this issue.

My daughter is also in counseling and claims it is partially due to me. She'll be having surgery soon, and I have decided not to stay in their home because I'd feel like a hypocrite. I have decided to stay in a hotel and come to their home only to help her. Am I wrong for handling the situation this way?

I don't want to upset my daughter, and I'm sorry our relationship has become so complicated. She is a person who has to control everything. Having a conversation with her is out of the question because it leads to a shouting match and a great deal of disrespect on her part. I tend to shut down and withdraw. What should I do? -- CAUTIOUS IN TEXAS

DEAR CAUTIOUS: I'm pleased to know that you are in counseling. Please discuss with your counselor how to be gracious to your son-in-law when your daughter brings him along when she visits you. (She may have little choice.) For the sake of your sanity, keep those visits short.

Your idea of staying in a hotel when you go to help your daughter after surgery is a logical one. It will give you quiet time to recover from the pressure of caring for her as well as your exposure to her husband. There should be no need for a shouting match; it is important that your daughter's recovery be as stress-free as possible.

As to her being controlling, it may be time to ask yourself where that tendency may have come from.

DEAR ABBY: A close person in my life complains about money yet spends money on frivolous things. They have rooms full of decorations, dishes, plants, flowers and lanterns, and have done extensive planting in their garden, which, to some, is a waste of money. They buy groceries they don't eat, and then complain about throwing food away.

An example: They bought Oreos, which they hate, so now the cookies sit in the cupboard. At some point, it will become "someone's" fault, but maybe not the correct person's. I guess they're only happy when they are alone, buying decorations? -- NOT MANAGING IN THE EAST

DEAR NOT MANAGING: People shop (and sometimes overshop) for many reasons, including boredom, depression and compulsive behavior. If the person you are writing about is spending their own money, I see no reason why you should be writing to me. However, if it is your money, perhaps the "close person" needs to be put on a budget.

DEAR READERS: Time flies! Daylight saving time ends at 2 a.m. Sunday for most folks. Don't forget to turn your clocks back one hour at bedtime tonight. While you're at it, be sure to put fresh batteries in your carbon monoxide and smoke detectors. -- LOVE, ABBY