DEAR ABBY: My elementary school teacher passed away recently. I hadn't seen her in more than 20 years because of how she made me feel. I remember her as manipulative and having a negative attitude toward the less fortunate. Because I didn't come from a rich or prominent family, I was subjected to humiliation, fear and intimidation. I remember her as money-driven, judgmental and favoring the privileged, who she believed to be smarter.

Because I had dyslexia, I had difficulties reading and interpreting words, so she made me stand and face shame for hours. Now that she is dead, I realize I never had the chance to tell her how wrong she was, and that in middle school my negative attitude toward education changed for the better because I had excellent teachers and great classmates.

Those individuals who are eulogizing her now are the same ones she promoted and favored. I just wish I could speak my piece because many were mistreated. -- SCARRED IN TEXAS

DEAR SCARRED: I think you have stated your feelings very well. This teacher may not have recognized she had a student with a learning disability and punished you when she should have realized instead that what you needed to succeed was extra help. Consider her inability to deal with it properly her learning disability, and try to forgive her. You have turned out very well despite her, and it is time to evict her from your head.

DEAR ABBY: Is there any way I can help my 55-year-old daughter, who has just embarked upon yet another no-doubt doomed relationship? She is quick to cohabit with these men, usually after less than two months. Then my daughter reinvents herself to appeal to his ideal. Each time the relationships have ended, it has come at great cost to her and negatively impacted her now-grown kids.

Through all of this, my daughter has remained employed, though four years is a long time in one position. I'm afraid the latest move will limit her employment options once the work-from-home trend has softened. Is this like dealing with a drug addict or an alcoholic who must realize on their own to seek help? This roller coaster has taken its toll on me, too. -- MOM ON THE SIDELINES

DEAR MOM: You can talk until you are blue in the face -- and I am assuming that you have tried more than once -- to get your middle-aged daughter to realize that what she has been doing hasn't worked for her. She is not an "addict," but she is desperate to find a partner.

When your daughter finally realizes that she doesn't have to twist herself into a pretzel to please a man, and that she's fine just the way she is -- a successful parent, self-supporting and worthwhile on her own -- she not only may feel better about herself, but also have better luck in finding a partner.

DEAR ABBY: I have been friends with a couple for 30 years. Both are alcoholics. They function, work at farmers' markets, are sociable, have a house and pay their bills. Yet, at least once, maybe twice a month, they get totally wasted and the wife calls me and rambles on incoherently. I suspect they get drunk even more frequently, but, thankfully, I don't get a call every time they are on a binge.

I have been in terrible relationships in which I drank too much to numb myself. Thankfully, I have been out of such toxicity for years. But I'm having increasing difficulty dealing with these drunken phone calls. I suspect I'm the only person my friend calls because she knows few others would understand her slurred babble. I'm weary from these calls. How do I deflect them? -- TIRED EAR IN ARIZONA

DEAR TIRED EAR: Put an end to those calls by being frank with your friend about the effect they have on you. Do this while she is sober. Tell her you do not want her calling you after she has been drinking because her speech is so slurred that you can't understand what she's saying. Say if it happens again you will hang up the phone, and if it does, follow through. Let her calls go to voicemail. If you would like to maintain any sort of relationship with this couple, see them socially only when they are (reasonably) sober.

DEAR ABBY: When I was a teenager, my immigrant grandparents brought back hand-knit sweaters from Ireland, the country in which they were born, for everyone in our family. I cherish mine and take care of it, even though I've outgrown it.

Years later, a close friend asked to borrow this sweater for her neighbor's child, who needed "something Irish" for a show-and-tell event at school. The kids were asked to bring items that had to do with Ireland. When I refused to loan my heirloom sweater, my friend told me she'd already promised her neighbor she could borrow it. She became very angry, accused me of being selfish and hasn't spoken to me for a couple months.

We live in the same town, so I run into her sometimes. She's cordial but distant and clearly still upset with me. Bear in mind that I hardly know my friend's neighbor -- the one who wanted to borrow my sweater for her child. But even if I did, I wouldn't loan this heirloom to anyone. Was I wrong? -- SENTIMENTAL IN MICHIGAN

DEAR SENTIMENTAL: You were neither selfish nor wrong! Your "friend" was out of line. She should never have promised anyone the use of property that wasn't hers. And for her to ice you now for refusing to give it to her and risk that something so precious to you could be damaged is plenty nervy. My advice is to follow her example. Be cordial but distant, and do not permit her to make you the bad guy for saying no.

DEAR ABBY: I'm in an open relationship with my partner. We both enjoy hooking up with other people, but only if we agree on the person. It was going great; I still got my one-on-one time with my partner. But now it seems that instead of making love with just me, the only time he wants to touch me is if someone else comes over. What's the best way to approach him about it? Should I suggest we stop inviting people over for that type of fun? -- ADVENTUROUS LADY

DEAR LADY: Your partner appears to have lost interest in one-on-one intimacy. If that's the case, you need for him to own up so you can adjust your life accordingly. Healthy relationships, open or closed, involve honest communication. If you are unhappy with the way your relationship has devolved, you have every right to say so.

DEAR ABBY: I am 58 and a recovering addict. I used drugs and alcohol for 30-plus years, and now I have 20 months clean, thank God. Throughout my addiction, I had a friend who was my strong supporter. I always regarded him as a friend, since he was there when I was actively addicted.

Now that I'm clean, he wants to step it up and go from friends to a relationship. Yes, I care for him, but he wants to get married without first getting to know the real me. He's a hard worker who doesn't drink or smoke. He just works and comes home. He's just the type of man I've been looking for. Please advise me on what I should do. -- CLEAN AND SOBER IN FLORIDA

DEAR CLEAN AND SOBER: Your statement that this man wants to get married without first getting to know the real (I assume you mean sober) you speaks volumes to me. It tells me you are making mature, well-thought-out judgments, for which I congratulate you. He may be just the type you are looking for, but postpone marriage until you are certain that he knows and can accept the new strong and sober you.

DEAR ABBY: We have vegetarian and vegan friends. Over the years, when we have invited them over for a celebration, we (omnivores) always make sure to include dishes that they will enjoy. But when they invite guests for dinner, they never -- ever -- include a meat dish, not even a piece of chicken.

I have asked around and, apparently, that's the experience of everyone. Don't you think a little reciprocity is in order? As it is, the hospitality rule seems decidedly one-sided. If the vegans worry about (to them) inedible leftovers, they can always provide a doggy bag for their guests. -- ONE-SIDED IN THE WEST

DEAR ONE-SIDED: Please consider this your wake-up call. Many vegans and vegetarians do not want meat, chicken or fish in their kitchens. If, in addition to what they provide, you feel the need to consume animal protein, consume some before you go to their home or afterward. If this does not suit you, respond to their invitation with polite regrets.