DEAR ABBY: I am a 37-year-old woman who seems to be the go-to person in my family to figure things out. Due to my stepmom not feeling comfortable enough with her English and my striving to win her approval, I made sure to take care of the things she couldn't from an early age. The problem is, while I used to be proud of myself for always being able to figure things out, I no longer feel that way.

There are five siblings in total. We are all adults now, but my stepmom seems to come only to me to solve any issues she has. If anyone does offer her assistance, she'll say something like, "That's fine, but I'll just ask your sister instead." I understand this may be my fault because of my incessant need to please her.

Lately, however, I've been struggling more and more with feeling used, as if my worth is dependent only on what I can do for her. Is there a way to change her expectations without having to tell her outright how I feel? -- TOO HELPFUL IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR TOO HELPFUL: You might find it easier to start by being less available when your stepmother has a "honey-do." She may be shocked and not like it, so be prepared when you tell her to ask one of your siblings. The alternative is to be completely upfront with her about your feelings, including the fact that you feel she values you only because of what she perceives you can do for her.

Being the only "adult" in the family is a terrible burden to be placed on a child, which appears to be what has happened to you. I knew someone like this. Like you, he was the designated problem-solver in the family. Sadly, no one was grateful for his efforts. Instead, they not only took advantage of him, but also resented him for it.

Call a halt to this scenario before you start to seriously dislike your "helpless" stepmom.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a walker, and I'd like to know, is there a rule regarding passing an oncoming walker? I tend to stay on my right as though I were driving a car, but the occasional walker seems insistent upon staying on their left.

Also, a shoutout to your readers: Sidewalks are for pedestrians, so please don't park your vehicles, lawn mowers, lawn equipment, home maintenance/repair equipment, etc. on them. While it's easy for me to maneuver around them, it isn't easy for small children on bikes or individuals using wheelchairs or pushing strollers. -- STROLLING IN FLORIDA

DEAR STROLLING: The etiquette for pedestrians is the same as that for drivers in all 50 states: Keep to the right side of the "road." Also, people who ride scooters and bicycles on the sidewalk are a danger to pedestrians. In many communities, there may be ordinances to discourage parking equipment on sidewalks. If the arrangement is semi-permanent, visit your city hall website to determine to which department the violation(s) should be reported.

DEAR ABBY: My elementary school teacher passed away recently. I hadn't seen her in more than 20 years because of how she made me feel. I remember her as manipulative and having a negative attitude toward the less fortunate. Because I didn't come from a rich or prominent family, I was subjected to humiliation, fear and intimidation. I remember her as money-driven, judgmental and favoring the privileged, who she believed to be smarter.

Because I had dyslexia, I had difficulties reading and interpreting words, so she made me stand and face shame for hours. Now that she is dead, I realize I never had the chance to tell her how wrong she was, and that in middle school my negative attitude toward education changed for the better because I had excellent teachers and great classmates.

Those individuals who are eulogizing her now are the same ones she promoted and favored. I just wish I could speak my piece because many were mistreated. -- SCARRED IN TEXAS

DEAR SCARRED: I think you have stated your feelings very well. This teacher may not have recognized she had a student with a learning disability and punished you when she should have realized instead that what you needed to succeed was extra help. Consider her inability to deal with it properly her learning disability, and try to forgive her. You have turned out very well despite her, and it is time to evict her from your head.

DEAR ABBY: Is there any way I can help my 55-year-old daughter, who has just embarked upon yet another no-doubt doomed relationship? She is quick to cohabit with these men, usually after less than two months. Then my daughter reinvents herself to appeal to his ideal. Each time the relationships have ended, it has come at great cost to her and negatively impacted her now-grown kids.

Through all of this, my daughter has remained employed, though four years is a long time in one position. I'm afraid the latest move will limit her employment options once the work-from-home trend has softened. Is this like dealing with a drug addict or an alcoholic who must realize on their own to seek help? This roller coaster has taken its toll on me, too. -- MOM ON THE SIDELINES

DEAR MOM: You can talk until you are blue in the face -- and I am assuming that you have tried more than once -- to get your middle-aged daughter to realize that what she has been doing hasn't worked for her. She is not an "addict," but she is desperate to find a partner.

When your daughter finally realizes that she doesn't have to twist herself into a pretzel to please a man, and that she's fine just the way she is -- a successful parent, self-supporting and worthwhile on her own -- she not only may feel better about herself, but also have better luck in finding a partner.

DEAR ABBY: I have been friends with a couple for 30 years. Both are alcoholics. They function, work at farmers' markets, are sociable, have a house and pay their bills. Yet, at least once, maybe twice a month, they get totally wasted and the wife calls me and rambles on incoherently. I suspect they get drunk even more frequently, but, thankfully, I don't get a call every time they are on a binge.

I have been in terrible relationships in which I drank too much to numb myself. Thankfully, I have been out of such toxicity for years. But I'm having increasing difficulty dealing with these drunken phone calls. I suspect I'm the only person my friend calls because she knows few others would understand her slurred babble. I'm weary from these calls. How do I deflect them? -- TIRED EAR IN ARIZONA

DEAR TIRED EAR: Put an end to those calls by being frank with your friend about the effect they have on you. Do this while she is sober. Tell her you do not want her calling you after she has been drinking because her speech is so slurred that you can't understand what she's saying. Say if it happens again you will hang up the phone, and if it does, follow through. Let her calls go to voicemail. If you would like to maintain any sort of relationship with this couple, see them socially only when they are (reasonably) sober.

DEAR ABBY: When I was a teenager, my immigrant grandparents brought back hand-knit sweaters from Ireland, the country in which they were born, for everyone in our family. I cherish mine and take care of it, even though I've outgrown it.

Years later, a close friend asked to borrow this sweater for her neighbor's child, who needed "something Irish" for a show-and-tell event at school. The kids were asked to bring items that had to do with Ireland. When I refused to loan my heirloom sweater, my friend told me she'd already promised her neighbor she could borrow it. She became very angry, accused me of being selfish and hasn't spoken to me for a couple months.

We live in the same town, so I run into her sometimes. She's cordial but distant and clearly still upset with me. Bear in mind that I hardly know my friend's neighbor -- the one who wanted to borrow my sweater for her child. But even if I did, I wouldn't loan this heirloom to anyone. Was I wrong? -- SENTIMENTAL IN MICHIGAN

DEAR SENTIMENTAL: You were neither selfish nor wrong! Your "friend" was out of line. She should never have promised anyone the use of property that wasn't hers. And for her to ice you now for refusing to give it to her and risk that something so precious to you could be damaged is plenty nervy. My advice is to follow her example. Be cordial but distant, and do not permit her to make you the bad guy for saying no.