DEAR ABBY: My wife and I are in our 80s, married for 61 years. We are financially well-off and have few medical issues. As we approach our departure from this Earth, we've created the necessary legal documents to distribute our assets. So, what's the problem? My spouse is a "collector." We have several wonderful china settings, sterling silver and beautiful linens. At one time, we set a beautiful table.

Today, old age has caught up with us. Most of those invitees are gone. But my spouse and I are living like we did 50 years ago, and it's getting on my nerves. Nobody wants our stuff! It's time to divest ourselves of possessions that somebody else might have an interest in and get them off our hands. My spouse refuses to part with anything. There's always an excuse to keep the clutter.

I saw this in my parents decades ago. If it came in the front door, it didn't go out again. Why are people so addicted to things, and what can be done to alleviate my anxiety? -- READY TO LET GO IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR READY: Consider this: Every piece of china and crystal, every pattern of silverware and all the accessories that people used to think were necessary to create a beautiful home (and life), have treasured memories attached. Where you see clutter, your wife sees the happy years spent acquiring it and entertaining.

Because these items are no longer being used, they could be boxed up "just in case" they are needed again. Photograph them so you have a record of what they are, and discuss with your wife possibly donating them to a charity thrift store. While you are correct that young people today aren't as avid about formal entertaining as members of your generation were, there are still people around who recognize quality and value who might be interested in having some of it.

As to your anxiety, discuss this with your doctor and, if necessary, ask for a referral to a therapist for some counseling.

DEAR ABBY: I have a wonderful, intelligent 19-year-old daughter. She's a junior in college in another city. She has always been extremely thin. We have taken her to doctors to address this. They discovered a vitamin deficiency and suggested she eat more nutritious foods with vitamins prescribed.

My question is, is it OK to push foods on her after her barely eaten meals? She gets full immediately and doesn't always take her vitamins. I don't want her to distance herself from me by insisting she eat more. -- MOTHERING MOTHER IN TEXAS

DEAR MOTHER: I do not recommend that you "push" foods on your daughter. If you do, it may cause her to rebel. I do, however, think it might be a good idea for you to do some research about eating disorders, because your daughter may have one.

DEAR ABBY: My best friend of 40 years, "Savannah," has been in a bad marriage for 20 of those. Her husband has cheated on her repeatedly. He can't keep a job, and he emotionally abuses her and her daughter. Now that she's finally fed up, he refuses to leave the house.

Despite how bad his behavior has been, Savannah is doing nothing to move the divorce forward. She continues paying for his travel and includes him in family get-togethers in what she calls a "sacrifice," made at her daughter's request.

It has been incredibly difficult to be supportive, hear about how harmful this has been, support her when she says she's getting out, and then hear that for one reason or another he's still there. When I challenge her and suggest she's making excuses for not progressing with the divorce, she becomes defensive and shuts down the conversation.

Over the last two years, she has taken to calling me twice a day, and becomes frustrated if I don't answer. I have asked her to stop telling me stories about her husband's behavior -- which usually lasts a week or two. I am at my wits' end about how to be a good friend without taking on the stress of her horrible situation and feeling generally overwhelmed by her outreach. What can I do to help her, but also prevent our friendship from imploding? -- WEARY FRIEND IN MICHIGAN

DEAR WEARY FRIEND: What you may need to do is accept that one of the reasons Savannah's dysfunctional marriage has lasted as long as it has is because she wants it to. She doesn't need to move forward because she has you to dump on when the pressure becomes too great.

It may be time to stop focusing on what you can do to help Savannah and concentrate on what you need to do to help yourself. If that means stepping back and letting her find solutions to her problems without your help, don't feel guilty for doing it.

DEAR ABBY: For years, a group of us former co-workers has been going out to dinner once a month. My daughter is part of the group and is also the youngest. Lately, she has been dismissed and ignored by two members of our group (there are six of us).

Being her mother, I am hurt by how they have treated her. She has stopped going out with us, but I'm uncertain if I should also stop. They have been nothing but nice to me. I'm lost on what to do anymore -- to go, or not to go? -- HURT IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR HURT: Have you asked these two former co-workers why they made your daughter feel unwelcome? Their behavior was rude. Have you asked the two who were welcoming what they think about all of this? Perhaps you (and your daughter) would feel more comfortable socializing with only them. That said, I do not think you should drop out of the group if you enjoy their company.

DEAR ABBY: A month ago, my 7-year-old son was struck by a vehicle while riding his bike in a crosswalk. He's fine now. His injuries were minor, although it was frightening. Police and paramedics responded quickly, and I took my son to the hospital to have him fully checked.

Later that day, a police officer came by our house with a new bike for our son, purchased by the driver of the vehicle. He gave us a paper with the driver's insurance information and said something to the effect of, "Her address is on there too, if you want to thank her for the new bike. That was really nice of them." I was shocked that he would say that.

I guess it was a nice gesture, but she hit my son with a car! The driver admitted to having been distracted. At the scene, she said she thought she had hit a dog. I could go on, but suffice it to say the driver was 100% at fault.

I put the new bike away in the garage. My son saw it there and wanted to ride it. I held out until our insurance claim was accepted, and we went for a ride today. The new bike is not as good as his old one, but he was excited about it because it is a different color. I'm so grateful that he is doing well and isn't afraid of biking again. My question is, do I have to write that thank-you note? If so, can you please give me the words? -- BICYCLE MOMMY IN WASHINGTON

DEAR MOMMY: I can think of a few choice words, but no rule of etiquette demands you thank the woman for the bicycle that was destroyed because of her inattentiveness.

DEAR ABBY: I have a group of friends I've known for 40 years. As time has passed, we have grown apart politically. This wasn't a problem until recently. Whenever we get together now, they shout at me about my political choices. At first, I tried to defend my position, but I was shouted down. Then I explained that I didn't want to talk politics, that I respect their right to have a different opinion and to please respect mine. That works only temporarily. The next time we meet, it's the same. It's like they think if they all talk at once, they can convince me. They can't, and I have no desire to convince them.

It has reached the point that I'm no longer comfortable in their company, and, evidently, they're not in mine, since they are now meeting without me. I can make new friends, but 40 years is a long time, and I miss them. Is there nothing more I can do short of pretending I agree with them, which I won't do? -- ISSUES APART IN NEW YORK

DEAR ISSUES APART: Just as there is nothing more that your old friends can do to convince you, the reverse is also true. You have now reached a stalemate. Politics aside, these friends are shouting at you and disrespecting your wishes. For your own sake, it may be time to step back and cultivate friends who are more tolerant than these folks appear to be.