DEAR ABBY: I'm the mother of a 16-year-old girl, "Leia." She has been living with my parents since she was 10 because that's what she and my folks wanted at the time. I didn't want her to, but I allowed it to happen because I was having health issues.

Leia chose to remain there because my parents spoiled her rotten, and they continue to spoil and pamper her. This has resulted in her becoming the most self-centered, demanding, disrespectful person my parents and I have ever seen, and they now want her to live with me. I predicted (to myself only) that she'd turn out this way due to their "parenting." My parents created an entitled teenager and now they expect me to suffer the consequences of what they did.

They guilt-trip me with their health problems as a reason they want her to leave. I do not want her to come here. I don't want to have to deal with her attitude and try to prevent her from running away. I also don't want to lose my daughter forever because they kicked her out, but she doesn't like my rules. What advice do you have? -- MOM OF A MONSTER

DEAR MOM: Your parents took your daughter in because of your health issues. You enabled their poor parenting to continue by allowing your daughter to live with them and not speaking up. Ultimately, Leia is your responsibility until she is 18, and possibly longer.

Your parents must now explain to Leia that because of their poor health, she will be staying with you. As a minor, this decision is not hers to make. (It shouldn't have been in the first place.) When she and her belongings arrive, explain what YOUR house rules will be and the reasons for them. If she threatens to run away, point out that if that happens, she may become a ward of the state, and foster care could be less pleasant than staying with the mother who loves her but doesn't like who Leia has become while living with the grands.

DEAR ABBY: Two couples I know are getting married soon. Both couples plan on having small, intimate weddings in the near future and larger, grander weddings later on. Each has their own reasons for doing so.

What's the gift policy when someone holds two weddings? I have already purchased something for one couple's upcoming small wedding and will likely attend their big one, but must I buy them a gift for that one as well? Or is one gift at the small wedding for each couple enough? -- EXCITED GUEST IN OHIO

DEAR GUEST: Wedding gifts are given in celebration of the WEDDING. What these friends are scheduling is an "event" following their intimate wedding. No rule of etiquette demands that you give the couple two separate gifts.

DEAR ABBY: I was recently invited for a long weekend at my friend's new home in South Carolina. She has wanted me to come there to visit ever since she purchased it. I offered to come down, but then I sprained my ankle, and it still has not healed.

My friend then told me her daughter and son-in-law will be there with their two young children. She said we can babysit her grandchildren while I'm there when her daughter and son-in-law go out. I told her I don't want to go down there to babysit. I have no children and do not enjoy babysitting. She used to do this to me before she moved. Now she's upset that I won't help her. What should I do? -- NOT INTERESTED IN THE SOUTH

DEAR NOT INTERESTED: What you do is this: Repeat to your manipulative friend that your ankle is still healing, it is difficult to get around and you are unable to chase after young children. Tell her that when you are better you would love to see her place and visit one on one. Then stick to your guns.

DEAR ABBY: I am a male singer and guitarist who has been playing in small local venues most of my life. My new duo partner is a nice person and decent multi-instrumentalist. The problem is that he cannot -- and should not -- sing, though he believes he is a fine vocalist.

His new girlfriend recently confided to me that she feels he shouldn't sing because it is damaging to our joint reputation and to my own as a musician. She doesn't know how to tell him or whether she should. I don't know how to tell him either without risking our partnership, although at this point, any gigs we acquire will be one-offs because of the poor vocal performance that will result.

Over the years, I have failed auditions and learned from constructive criticism. Should I tell him or try to dissolve our duo gently? -- OLD CANADIAN ROCKER

DEAR ROCKER: Your relationship with this partner isn't social; it is business. He is in denial about his limited abilities. Bursting his bubble by enlightening him that his singing is holding you back will not endear you to him. It would be best to dissolve the partnership as kindly as you can and find a replacement.

DEAR ABBY: My parents are starting to get older and have a number of health issues. I am one of three children now in our 40s. My parents got an attorney to write their will and have cut one child out completely. They decided to give another child two-thirds of their estate while leaving me with only one-third. They claim the reason is that my sister will be responsible for their health when and if they get to that point. We aren't talking about lots of money, but I don't know what I should do. -- NOT THE FAVORITE IN MICHIGAN

DEAR NOT THE FAVORITE: What you should do is accept your parents' reasoning, as well as their generosity, and not argue about it. Be grateful, because doing otherwise will get you nowhere.

DEAR ABBY: My son's father, "Tony," and I dated for two years before our son was born. We split up seven years ago, and it's been on and off most of the time since then. This past year we have been growing closer again, and I asked him what he wants. Tony said he doesn't want a romantic relationship with anyone right now because he is working on his anger issues. He's a former combat Marine, and he's had these issues for years.

I have been honest about wanting a relationship when he is ready, but I'm really confused with the mixed messages he sends me. I asked about setting boundaries we both agree on, but Tony says he doesn't need any and that I should do what I feel is right for me. This leaves me feeling I'd be being used if the situation becomes intimate.

I have drawn the boundary at no sex unless we are in a relationship. Tony treats me like a friend and wants to hug or kiss me at times. I feel that because we don't currently want the same relationship, I should move on. What is your advice? -- ON HOLD IN OHIO

DEAR ON HOLD: I am sorry you didn't mention how Tony's anger issues manifest themselves. If they are so severe that he acts out, he does need professional help. You have wisely postponed having (more) sex with him without some kind of commitment, which he's unwilling to make.

From what you have written, your son's father isn't interested in more than a friendly relationship with you so he can have one with his son. While I admire that, I do NOT think you should plan on a future with him, or you could end up waiting forever.

DEAR ABBY: My spouse and I have been happily married for 31 years. However, we have a strained relationship with our daughter "Willa." Although we don't like her pothead/never-held-a-job boyfriend of four years, we've tried to accept him. We even paid for a family vacation and included him.

I'll admit we were hard on Willa growing up, but we always said she could live at home while going to school. She's a hard worker, and we have told her how proud we are of her accomplishments. She's going to school, works two jobs and has never needed anything from us.

We see our daughter only on special occasions. We did family therapy to help our relationship, but she stopped going when the boyfriend came into the picture. My question is: How can I have a good relationship with my daughter? -- MISSING IT IN NEW MEXICO

DEAR MISSING IT: You created a daughter who is self-reliant, hardworking and independent, and who likely distanced herself from you because you were so "hard" on her while she was growing up. I don't know whether I should congratulate you or commiserate with you, but as far as having a close relationship with your daughter, that ship may have sailed -- unless you can convince Willa to get back into family therapy with you.