DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have a beautiful soon-to-be 2- year-old daughter. Before her birth, my parents and his all were eagerly awaiting her arrival and discussing their plans for what life as new grandparents would be. We just "knew" they would be involved so much it would drive us crazy. Instead, it's the opposite!

My parents work 40-plus hours a week and care for my 5-year-old half-brother, who was recently diagnosed with autism. Naturally, I have to cut them some slack. His parents, on the other hand, aren't workaholics. They spend their time doing things like spending a couple of weeks on the lake, taking scuba lessons and participating in a quilting club. They tell us about their fun, then ask how our daughter is. (They haven't seen her in weeks.)

I know the role of a grandparent has changed. They are getting a taste of freedom from raising children. However, they are not free child care to me. They are my family, and I wanted to see all those plans they had for her before she was born realized.

I am writing this because my parents have just announced they won't be able to get off work for her birthday party. They knew it was coming, and I know it was possible for them to plan a work around for the party. I'm heartbroken.

I feel like we are raising our daughter all alone, with no help from family. I'm angry that they are missing out on this wonderful little person and consider other things more important than their grandchild. Am I holding too high a standard for them? Is it wrong that I'm miffed at this? -- ALONE IN ILLINOIS

DEAR ALONE: Feelings are neither right nor wrong. I won't judge you for having them. But ask yourself whether your anger is useful or a detriment to your relationship with your parents and in-laws. Your parents are caring for a child with disabilities, in addition to their full-time jobs. Resenting them for not attending a 2-year-old's birthday party is a waste of your energy.

Your in-laws, regardless of what they said during your pregnancy, appear to be more centered on themselves than on their grandchild. Regrettable? Yes. But rather than dwell on it, accept it for what it is and move on.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for 15 years. He made a resolution to go on a diet and cut out sweets. However, I have noticed that my chocolates have been going missing. We live alone, and I'm not sure whether to call him out to help keep him accountable or remain quiet in order to keep the peace. -- WELL-MEANING WIFE

DEAR WIFE: OK, so your husband took the pledge and seems to have lapsed. My question is, is he still losing weight, or has he hit a plateau? If he's losing -- albeit more slowly, look the other way. If he isn't, then "casually" comment (with a smile) that your chocolates seem to be disappearing faster than you can consume them, but do NOT assume the role of the food police.

DEAR ABBY: Six years ago, my family lost my mother, who was the rock of our family. Two weeks after that, my family started falling apart. My older brother, younger sister and I no longer speak. My brother and I got in a physical confrontation and haven't spoken since.

A year later, I suffered a massive heart attack. I was at death's door. My doctors said it was a miracle I survived. I'm blessed to be here, but since then, not one family member has reached out. The story of my survival was all over social media and even on a few TV newscasts. My heart function is low, and I had a defibrillator implanted.

I have been missing my family more and more, but I'm also afraid my heart will get broken. We have made mistakes, and I know I'm also at fault. I feel awful about what happened, but I'm hurt that no one reached out to my wife or daughter asking if I was OK or if they needed anything.

I recently had some contact with my brother's son, and we have been texting, but I have yet to hear from my brother. My family is growing with grandkids, and I would love to reconnect our families before it's too late. Is it too late? -- ESTRANGED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR ESTRANGED: Maybe, maybe not. If you haven't already, write or call your brother and make a formal apology for what happened between you. While you are at it, do the same with the rest of your family members. Tell them you are sorry, that none of you is getting any younger and you would like to be part of the family again. I can't predict the outcome, but this would be a good start. I wish you luck. With the passage of time, people sometimes gain a better perspective.

DEAR ABBY: My sister "Mary Ann" is a hoarder. She refuses all offers of assistance (physically and emotionally) to clear her home of the overwhelming amount of stuff that negatively impacts her life. Our extended family is thrilled that she has finally started to make an effort to sort through some of her "treasures." Unfortunately, we have now become recipients of birthday and Christmas gifts, some of which are opened, used, dusty and have animal fur on them. We do not want or need these "gifts."

I sense that unloading these items on us gives Mary Ann a feeling of comfort and keeps her from making difficult decisions that will lead to truly changing her thinking related to letting go of her junk. How do we politely (and firmly) express to Mary Ann that we have no desire to receive her hoard, bit by bit, without reversing the progress she has made in attempting to address her disorder? -- UNHAPPY RECIPIENT IN MISSOURI

DEAR RECIPIENT: You are not going to "fix" Mary Ann. Be glad she is taking baby steps to help herself. I do NOT think it would be helpful to "politely express" that you have no desire to receive her hoard, bit by bit. Instead, accept the items and then quietly donate them or give them to someone who might use them.

DEAR ABBY: I'm the mother of a 16-year-old girl, "Leia." She has been living with my parents since she was 10 because that's what she and my folks wanted at the time. I didn't want her to, but I allowed it to happen because I was having health issues.

Leia chose to remain there because my parents spoiled her rotten, and they continue to spoil and pamper her. This has resulted in her becoming the most self-centered, demanding, disrespectful person my parents and I have ever seen, and they now want her to live with me. I predicted (to myself only) that she'd turn out this way due to their "parenting." My parents created an entitled teenager and now they expect me to suffer the consequences of what they did.

They guilt-trip me with their health problems as a reason they want her to leave. I do not want her to come here. I don't want to have to deal with her attitude and try to prevent her from running away. I also don't want to lose my daughter forever because they kicked her out, but she doesn't like my rules. What advice do you have? -- MOM OF A MONSTER

DEAR MOM: Your parents took your daughter in because of your health issues. You enabled their poor parenting to continue by allowing your daughter to live with them and not speaking up. Ultimately, Leia is your responsibility until she is 18, and possibly longer.

Your parents must now explain to Leia that because of their poor health, she will be staying with you. As a minor, this decision is not hers to make. (It shouldn't have been in the first place.) When she and her belongings arrive, explain what YOUR house rules will be and the reasons for them. If she threatens to run away, point out that if that happens, she may become a ward of the state, and foster care could be less pleasant than staying with the mother who loves her but doesn't like who Leia has become while living with the grands.

DEAR ABBY: Two couples I know are getting married soon. Both couples plan on having small, intimate weddings in the near future and larger, grander weddings later on. Each has their own reasons for doing so.

What's the gift policy when someone holds two weddings? I have already purchased something for one couple's upcoming small wedding and will likely attend their big one, but must I buy them a gift for that one as well? Or is one gift at the small wedding for each couple enough? -- EXCITED GUEST IN OHIO

DEAR GUEST: Wedding gifts are given in celebration of the WEDDING. What these friends are scheduling is an "event" following their intimate wedding. No rule of etiquette demands that you give the couple two separate gifts.