DEAR ABBY: After several months of weight loss, our preteen daughter was hospitalized after a trip to the ER. She was diagnosed with ARFID. It's an eating disorder we had never heard of but one in which the patient is NOT deliberately losing weight or attempting to change their body.

We canceled a vacation and have taken time off work to circle the wagons and care for her. This has caused questions from our friends, acquaintances, co-workers and extended family, which we have been ducking.

As a former sufferer of an eating disorder, my wife is reluctant to let anyone outside our inner circle know what is going on and risk our daughter beginning middle school with the stigma of an eating disorder. But we need to say something to the people in our lives who know something is wrong and ask what's going on and where we've been.

What should we tell people to preserve our daughter's privacy while acknowledging that not everything is OK? I thought something like, "My daughter is having stomach problems (true) and lost a bunch of weight (true), and the doctors are trying to figure out what's going on," but my wife is concerned that even mentioning weight is going to be stigmatizing.

She is advocating telling people our daughter is malnourished (also true), but to me, this will lead people to draw conclusions that are both too close to home and inaccurate. Please advise. -- NAVIGATING THIS IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR NAVIGATING: I wish your daughter a complete recovery. Her weight loss will be obvious to anyone who sees her. If I were doing the explaining, I'd shorten the message, eliminating the "lost a bunch of weight" to something like, "Our daughter is having stomach issues. She's under a doctor's care, and her team is figuring out what's going on." Period.

DEAR ABBY: I have a neighbor who gossips about our other neighbors. She tells me if a man comes to visit our neighbor across the street and if he spends the night. She's always asking me where they are going and what they are doing. I told her I don't know because I don't pay attention to what other people are doing.

This neighbor has now started calling me if I go out and wants to know where I went. If I go to the doctor, she asks me why. If I have work being done at my home, she asks how much I paid for it. If I'm out more than a few hours, she asks where I was for so long.

I am a private person, and I will tell someone if I want them to know. She even comes outside and starts pulling weeds if I have company. I don't know how to deal with her. -- PRIVATE IN WEST VIRGINIA

DEAR PRIVATE: Deal with this nosy woman by telling her if it was any of her business, she would already know the answer to her incessant, intrusive questions. Avoid her as much as possible. If your across-the-street neighbor doesn't already know, warn her that this person is invading her privacy and repeating every detail she observes to anyone who will listen.

DEAR ABBY: My husband took me on a trip for my birthday this year, only he didn't prepare for anything other than some sightseeing events. He didn't help plan for camping, didn't financially plan well for souvenirs or if we wanted to eat out, and had a crappy attitude the entire time. We got into an argument at almost every event we went to because he either disagreed with my preferences or pushed back at my calling him out for pouting.

I'm upset because this was supposed to have been a "makeup" trip from him for ruining my birthday years prior, and for pretty awful fights we were having leading up to my birthday. I had tried to back out, but he convinced me to go. My actual birthday was the day after we got home. He ignored me the entire day, and we got into another argument. We had a few friends over, but overall, I was pretty upset and felt unloved by him.

When I addressed it the next day, he told me no one should get a "birthday week" and called me ungrateful and unappreciative of his efforts. Am I wrong for being upset? This was supposed to be his birthday gift to me, but it felt more like I took him on a trip he didn't even want to be on. -- BIRTHDAY GIRL IN MICHIGAN

DEAR GIRL: It is possible your expectations surrounding your birthdays may be, in your husband's opinion, grandiose. Have you two been arguing about more subjects than birthday celebrations, and if so, for how long?

Speaking safely from the sidelines in order to avoid the crossfire, I suggest you ask your doctor (or health insurance company) to recommend some licensed marriage and family counselors. There are healthier ways to manage conflict in relationships than the way you two are doing it.

DEAR ABBY: I have a problem with my daughter-in-law. I know she loves me, but I don't think she likes me. An example: Yesterday, I met her and my son at my granddaughter's dance recital. When I entered and sat down next to them, she barely looked up from her phone, yet when another mother arrived, she leapt up and chatted for minutes.

This kind of thing happens often. When we are alone together, she chats with me, but if someone else is in the group, it's like I'm not even there. I have no other complaints about her. She is a terrific mom and partner to my son. Should I talk to her about this? How do I bring it up without making her defensive? -- IGNORED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR IGNORED: I don't doubt that your daughter-in-law loves you. However, she may be so comfortable around you that she's treating you like family ... in other words, taking you for granted. She jumps up when she sees her contemporaries because she doesn't see them as often as she sees you, and they may have fresh news to talk about. Be grateful that when you are alone you communicate well. I don't think there is anything positive to be gained by approaching her with this.

DEAR ABBY: I think the world of "Celia," my best friend of 25 years. She has been there for me through many major ups and downs in my life. She is beautiful inside and out, well-educated and works hard.

Celia has been in a five-year relationship with an old friend I'll call "Vince." I think he is a nice guy, but not for her. He has no desire to do better in life, doesn't provide for her and lives off her money. Vince barely works, and his time is spent out and about enjoying himself while Celia works two, sometimes three, jobs.

Now Celia's physical health is suffering, and so is her mental health. Vince has a kid who sometimes stays over, and when they run out of money, Celia asks me to help cover them. She sees nothing wrong in this and wants to have a child of her own with him.

I have had many talks with Celia, but they go nowhere. I've helped with money a few times and she always pays me back. But recently, after she asked me for money for food for the three of them, I learned they went to the movies instead. Now I feel used. This is just not OK. I no longer want to give her money to cover a grown man's responsibility. I'm not sure how to tell her I can no longer help out with money. -- STRAINED FRIENDSHIP

DEAR STRAINED: Celia may be well-educated, but it appears she has serious self-esteem issues, little common sense and a parasite for a boyfriend. That she would consider having a child with Vince, a man who can't support himself or the child he already has, is coconuts! Tell your beautiful friend that while you care for her, you will no longer subsidize the three of them, and using your money to pay for movie tickets was the last straw. Then don't relent.

DEAR ABBY: I taught tennis lessons at a private club for 41 years. Then came the pandemic. I was furloughed and not asked to return to work. I wasn't given the usual parting acknowledgement that previous employees received -- no goodbyes, no thank yous.

In the successive years, I have asked for a free membership as a gift for my years of service. So far, the answer is "no." Is my request valid? Should I continue asking? -- SERVING FAIRNESS IN ILLINOIS

DEAR SERVING: You didn't mention how many times you have asked for the membership as a gift for your years of service, but if it has been more than once, stop asking because it isn't going to happen. A furlough is defined as a temporary layoff for a specified period of time. Employees retain their jobs and benefits but do not get paid during that period. If this is what your separation from that private club was called, it may be time to speak to an attorney about how you were treated.