DEAR ABBY: A year ago, I found out my husband has been cheating on me with multiple women for more than a decade and kept two of his conquests for that entire time. He also sent all our savings to his girlfriends in another country. Because we have two disabled adult children and one neurotypical adult child, I decided to stay in the marriage.

A year later, I'm still struggling. In fact, I feel worse. I barely sleep and have developed severe anxiety. I have no one to talk to about this because I'm embarrassed and humiliated by what he's done to our family. To shield my children, since they would suffer needlessly if they knew about his infidelity, I put on a facade and pretend everything is OK.

I am desperate for sleep, but all I do is cry and wander around my house at night. My husband places all the blame on me, which leaves me feeling so betrayed and hurt that I don't know what to do. What are the steps I need to take to put this behind me and move forward without having to replay it in my head all the time? -- ROCKED WORLD IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR ROCKED WORLD: Your first step should be to speak to your physician about what has been going on, and then to ask for a referral to a licensed mental health professional. It is important you have someone to talk to because remaining silent is making you sick.

Speaking the truth will not reflect badly on you. Your children have nothing to gain by being kept in the dark. When your husband emptied your bank account, he was hurting them financially as well as you. Once you are emotionally stronger, consult a lawyer and take your cues from that person about how to protect yourself and your children.

DEAR ABBY: My mom and I have an extremely difficult relationship. She wants to treat me like a child, even though I'm 66. My husband and I do a lot of things for her and her husband, as they're in their mid-80s.

Thanksgiving was a disaster, and we no longer want to spend any holidays with them. She asks everyone but me why I'm mad at her. When I tried to explain to her in a letter how her actions affect me, she got defensive and called it "hateful." I don't like confrontations. I'm like a deer in headlights and can't think of anything to say to her. How can I let her know we plan to spend our holidays alone now, without her feeling like we hate her? -- ALONE IN THE SOUTH

DEAR ALONE: I see no reason to tell your mother you will spend no more holidays with her and her husband. If she asks, say you have made "other plans" and won't be available. If she accuses you of hating her or being mad at her, tell her for the reasons stated in your letter, it has become too stressful.

If your mother complains to the rest of the relatives, as she probably will, explain your reasons for skipping the stress-filled holidays and tell them they can explain it to her because every time you have tried, she tunes you out.

DEAR ABBY: After several months of weight loss, our preteen daughter was hospitalized after a trip to the ER. She was diagnosed with ARFID. It's an eating disorder we had never heard of but one in which the patient is NOT deliberately losing weight or attempting to change their body.

We canceled a vacation and have taken time off work to circle the wagons and care for her. This has caused questions from our friends, acquaintances, co-workers and extended family, which we have been ducking.

As a former sufferer of an eating disorder, my wife is reluctant to let anyone outside our inner circle know what is going on and risk our daughter beginning middle school with the stigma of an eating disorder. But we need to say something to the people in our lives who know something is wrong and ask what's going on and where we've been.

What should we tell people to preserve our daughter's privacy while acknowledging that not everything is OK? I thought something like, "My daughter is having stomach problems (true) and lost a bunch of weight (true), and the doctors are trying to figure out what's going on," but my wife is concerned that even mentioning weight is going to be stigmatizing.

She is advocating telling people our daughter is malnourished (also true), but to me, this will lead people to draw conclusions that are both too close to home and inaccurate. Please advise. -- NAVIGATING THIS IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR NAVIGATING: I wish your daughter a complete recovery. Her weight loss will be obvious to anyone who sees her. If I were doing the explaining, I'd shorten the message, eliminating the "lost a bunch of weight" to something like, "Our daughter is having stomach issues. She's under a doctor's care, and her team is figuring out what's going on." Period.

DEAR ABBY: I have a neighbor who gossips about our other neighbors. She tells me if a man comes to visit our neighbor across the street and if he spends the night. She's always asking me where they are going and what they are doing. I told her I don't know because I don't pay attention to what other people are doing.

This neighbor has now started calling me if I go out and wants to know where I went. If I go to the doctor, she asks me why. If I have work being done at my home, she asks how much I paid for it. If I'm out more than a few hours, she asks where I was for so long.

I am a private person, and I will tell someone if I want them to know. She even comes outside and starts pulling weeds if I have company. I don't know how to deal with her. -- PRIVATE IN WEST VIRGINIA

DEAR PRIVATE: Deal with this nosy woman by telling her if it was any of her business, she would already know the answer to her incessant, intrusive questions. Avoid her as much as possible. If your across-the-street neighbor doesn't already know, warn her that this person is invading her privacy and repeating every detail she observes to anyone who will listen.

DEAR ABBY: My husband took me on a trip for my birthday this year, only he didn't prepare for anything other than some sightseeing events. He didn't help plan for camping, didn't financially plan well for souvenirs or if we wanted to eat out, and had a crappy attitude the entire time. We got into an argument at almost every event we went to because he either disagreed with my preferences or pushed back at my calling him out for pouting.

I'm upset because this was supposed to have been a "makeup" trip from him for ruining my birthday years prior, and for pretty awful fights we were having leading up to my birthday. I had tried to back out, but he convinced me to go. My actual birthday was the day after we got home. He ignored me the entire day, and we got into another argument. We had a few friends over, but overall, I was pretty upset and felt unloved by him.

When I addressed it the next day, he told me no one should get a "birthday week" and called me ungrateful and unappreciative of his efforts. Am I wrong for being upset? This was supposed to be his birthday gift to me, but it felt more like I took him on a trip he didn't even want to be on. -- BIRTHDAY GIRL IN MICHIGAN

DEAR GIRL: It is possible your expectations surrounding your birthdays may be, in your husband's opinion, grandiose. Have you two been arguing about more subjects than birthday celebrations, and if so, for how long?

Speaking safely from the sidelines in order to avoid the crossfire, I suggest you ask your doctor (or health insurance company) to recommend some licensed marriage and family counselors. There are healthier ways to manage conflict in relationships than the way you two are doing it.

DEAR ABBY: I have a problem with my daughter-in-law. I know she loves me, but I don't think she likes me. An example: Yesterday, I met her and my son at my granddaughter's dance recital. When I entered and sat down next to them, she barely looked up from her phone, yet when another mother arrived, she leapt up and chatted for minutes.

This kind of thing happens often. When we are alone together, she chats with me, but if someone else is in the group, it's like I'm not even there. I have no other complaints about her. She is a terrific mom and partner to my son. Should I talk to her about this? How do I bring it up without making her defensive? -- IGNORED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR IGNORED: I don't doubt that your daughter-in-law loves you. However, she may be so comfortable around you that she's treating you like family ... in other words, taking you for granted. She jumps up when she sees her contemporaries because she doesn't see them as often as she sees you, and they may have fresh news to talk about. Be grateful that when you are alone you communicate well. I don't think there is anything positive to be gained by approaching her with this.