DEAR ABBY: I was raped by a family member and, due to special circumstances, told no one except one other family member, who I swore to secrecy. She recently got mad at me because of my religious beliefs, and now she's saying if I pass away before she does, she's going to tell my grown children who assaulted me.

I'm praying she said it out of anger, but I'm scared because I know my children would harm the rapist, if not kill him, for what he did. I can't understand why this family member would say such a thing. What can I say or do to protect my secret? God has taken care of me, and my violator is locked up now for other reasons. -- FEARFUL IN THE WEST

DEAR FEARFUL: When you told your relative about your rape, it was no longer a secret. Because you are now afraid she will tell your children, approach her by saying that if she follows through, you fear they will take revenge after he is released and, by doing so, ruin their own lives.

DEAR ABBY: My husband has cancer, and the doctors say he has maybe a year left. Before his diagnosis, we had friends we would hang out with and go to dinner with once or twice a month. Now I don't hear a word from them. They don't call or text to ask how we are doing. Is it my responsibility to get ahold of them? I feel like I'm all alone in this fight, and they don't seem to care. -- INVISIBLE IN IOWA

DEAR INVISIBLE: What a sad letter. Please accept my sympathy for your husband's prognosis. This is a tragic situation, and not one that you and your husband should be facing alone. The absence of these friends may have less to do with lack of caring than an overwhelming fear of cancer and an inability to face their own mortality.

Of course you can reach out to them. But after that, if they still can't step up, you might have better luck by joining a cancer support group. If you do, you will find you are nowhere near as alone as you think you are.

DEAR ABBY: I need advice about getting in contact with my daughter. She's 22 and has a busy life. I understand her struggles with balancing all the day-to-day commitments, but she will not return my calls or texts. We have had a bruised past because of my divorce five years ago, but we have talked things through to where I feel we have been repairing old wounds.

Every time we are together, it's as if nothing has marred our relationship. I know she's young, but I need to know if I should be more persistent or just wait for her to eventually contact me. -- WAITING PARENT IN WASHINGTON

DEAR PARENT: You didn't mention how persistent you have been, but you won't become closer to your daughter if you hound her with requests for more contact. She may be busy, distracted or just self-centered. Text or call her once a month and you may have better luck getting a response.

DEAR ABBY: I've been in a relationship with a man for the last five years. "Julian" came into my life after my husband passed. He is 65; I'm 45. Julian has two grown daughters, 36 and 27. The older one and I get along famously.

Amber is somewhat immature. She has two small kids, and she's her dad's perfect, precious, can-do-no-wrong daughter. The unvarnished truth is that Amber is a snotty, judgmental woman who thinks she's better than everyone. Because Julian wasn't there while she was growing up, his guilt makes it especially hard for him to see her for who she is.

Amber and I do not care for each other, and the cracks are starting to show. She is becoming a bone of contention in the relationship because I cannot stand how she uses guilt to manipulate her dad. He was always a caring father and a good provider, if not always there physically.

I am at my wits' end. She is driving a wedge into an otherwise good relationship. When I try speaking with Julian, he will hear nothing against her. I get that it's his kid, but I am sick of her. The worst part is when she plays it off like she is innocent and perfect. Any advice? -- HAD IT IN THE WEST

DEAR HAD IT: Yes, I do have some. As you stated, in Julian's eyes, his "little girl" is perfect and precious. You are not going to win this battle, so start backing off and find a new direction -- or a new boyfriend. Please accept my sympathy.

DEAR ABBY: After I retired and moved to a beach town, I invited my brother and sister-in-law to visit. They said they had a really good time, set up a tentative return visit and seemed appreciative. I'm used to living alone, so having people always around was uncomfortable for me. They are retired but work part time.

One of my brother's jobs is with the company of a friend of mine where he had done some work in the past. I reconnected them, and my brother really enjoys it. But now he's pressuring me to invite that friend and his wife to come here and stay at my place.

I think it's out of line for anyone to suggest I invite anyone else to stay here. I wouldn't have invited my brother and sister-in-law except that he's family. (He actually gets on my nerves when I'm around him for long.) I ignored his suggestion and will continue unless he brings it up again. Is a nonresponse acceptable? -- HESITANT HOST IN TEXAS

DEAR HOST: A nonresponse is a strong "hint" that someone is not receptive to a request or a suggestion. If your brother raises the subject again, however, you will have to make it plain that you are not open to having anyone outside your immediate family stay in your home with you.

DEAR READERS: Welcome to 2025. A New Year has arrived; the last one is safely behind us. As always, this New Year brings with it our hopes for a new beginning.

Today presents an opportunity to discard destructive old habits for healthy new ones, and with that in mind, I will share Dear Abby's often-requested list of New Year's Resolutions -- which were adapted by my late mother, Pauline Phillips, from the original credo of Al-Anon:

JUST FOR TODAY: I will live through this day only. I will not brood about yesterday or obsess about tomorrow. I will not set far-reaching goals or try to overcome all of my problems at once. I know that I can do something for 24 hours that would overwhelm me if I had to keep it up for a lifetime.

JUST FOR TODAY: I will decide to be happy. I will not dwell on thoughts that depress me. If my mind fills with clouds, I will chase them away and fill it with sunshine.

JUST FOR TODAY: I will accept what is. I will face reality. I will correct those things that I can correct and accept those I cannot.

JUST FOR TODAY: I will improve my mind. I will read something that requires effort, thought and concentration. I will not be a mental loafer.

JUST FOR TODAY: I will make a conscious effort to be agreeable. I will be kind and courteous to those who cross my path, and I'll not speak ill of others. I will improve my appearance, speak softly and not interrupt when someone else is talking. Just for today, I will refrain from improving anybody but myself.

JUST FOR TODAY: I will do something positive to improve my health. If I'm a smoker, I'll quit. And I will get off the couch and take a brisk walk, even if it's only around the block.

JUST FOR TODAY: I will gather the courage to do what is right and take responsibility for my own actions.

And now, Dear Readers, allow me to share an item that was sent to me by L.J. Bhatia, a reader from New Delhi, India:

DEAR ABBY: This year, no resolutions, only some guidelines. The Holy Vedas say, "Man has subjected himself to thousands of self-inflicted bondages. Wisdom comes to a man who lives according to the true eternal laws of nature."

The prayer of St. Francis (of which there are several versions) contains a powerful message:

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace;

Where there is hatred, let me sow love;

Where there is injury, pardon;

Where there is doubt, faith;

Where there is despair, hope;

Where there is darkness, light;

And where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master,

Grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;

To be understood, as to understand;

To be loved, as to love;

For it is in giving that we receive,

It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,

And it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

And so, Dear Readers, may 2025 bring with it good health, peace and joy to all of us. -- LOVE, ABBY