DEAR ABBY: My fiance's daughter is having a baby. Her mother is helping give the shower. My fiance and his ex have been divorced for 21 years. She was the one who cheated, asked for the divorce and kicked him out. She threatened not to attend her daughter's wedding because he was bringing me. We have been together nine years now.

I am not invited to the shower because the ex doesn't want me there. It's not even being held at her home. His daughter likes me but doesn't want to upset her mom. I think it's time for the ex to grow up and get a life. I told my fiance the whole thing is childish, but now I no longer want to go to the shower because you can't like me one day and then not the next. What should I do? -- EX ISSUES IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR EX ISSUES: Be the adult your fiance's ex isn't. Suck it up and make plans with some of your friends so you're not sitting alone feeling sorry for yourself while the baby shower is happening. Buy a nice present for the little one, offer it to the mother at some other time and don't make waves.

DEAR ABBY: I was recently in a traumatic car crash (hit head-on by a drunk driver within a mile of my home). It resulted in my right leg being broken in multiple places. I bought a car with the insurance claim. Within a month and without warning, my mother bought me the exact same car that was totaled in the accident. The catch is, my mother expects me to sell the car I purchased and give her the proceeds.

First, this was portrayed as a gift. Now it seems like it's a debt hanging over my head. Would it be rude or selfish of me to keep the car I bought, or keep the money if I decide to sell? The stimulus checks have been helpful, but my financial future is up in the air because of the life-altering accident. -- INJURED IN INDIANA

DEAR INJURED: Keep the car you purchased. Tell your mother you know she meant well. Then give her back the car she bought, as well as the keys and the pink slip, so she can do whatever she wants with it. If you do, it will cause less conflict.

DEAR ABBY: I am having a problem with love. I like two boys. The problem is they are best friends, and I have already kissed them both. I don't know what to do. We aren't dating. I can't choose, because if I date one of them the other will be angry with me and with his friend. Help me, please. -- WORRIED STUDENT IN SPAIN

DEAR STUDENT: You are lucky that you have youth and the freedom to choose. Regardless of which of the boys you pick, there will be problems. That's why I suggest you get romantically involved with neither one, find someone else to "love" and refrain from kissing that person's friends. Buena suerte!

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I were together for 11 years, married for six of them. I had an alcohol addiction for the last few years, which led to my being unfaithful. He never drank, so he had a hard time understanding my addiction problem. After I got a DUI, he finally left me.

Two weeks later, he was already in another relationship! We divorced a year later. I have spent the last 14 months changing my life. I have been sober this whole time, attended AA meetings and seen a psychotherapist as well as an addiction therapist. I have been devastated since my husband left. I have lost 20 pounds that I didn't need to lose, and I leave my house only to work. I haven't even entertained the idea of seeing or talking to another man.

My ex has been telling me off and on that he wants to try and work things out with me, which is something I want more than anything. I know I hurt him, and he's no longer the same person. I want to show him I'm different and we can be happy, but he won't fully commit to anything and just keeps hurting me. Should I continue to pursue this or try to find a way to move on? -- NOW SOBER IN VIRGINIA

DEAR NOW SOBER: If your sobriety is important to you, you cannot cling to a person who "keeps hurting you." (I wish you had mentioned how he does this, but in the end, you must do what is good for you.) Did the way he treated you -- or your perception of it -- have something to do with your drinking and infidelity?

You stated that he says he wants to work things out. His skittishness may stem from the hurt he experienced because of what you put him through. If you decide to rekindle your relationship, do so only under certain conditions: He must end the relationship with the person he's involved with if they are still together, attend Al-Anon meetings so he can learn more about the disease of alcoholism and attend relationship counseling sessions with you.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 64-year-old gay man, originally from the Deep South, living in a large metropolitan area. I have been here for more than 30 years. My problem is, I am unable to keep my cool when talking with my aging parents. I have insisted several times that I do not wish to discuss politics, but my request is ignored by Mom especially because she refuses to acknowledge my sexual orientation. She sings the praises of the most anti-gay politicians with no regard for my feelings. When I try to gently change the subject, most times, she won't let it go.

I have reached the point that I no longer wish to speak to either of my parents. The hurtful things they have said break my heart. Should I follow my gut and cut them off, or continue to remain silent and endure the hurt? I know they won't change. -- WOUNDED HEART IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR WOUNDED HEART: Silence helps no one. As you have discovered, it leads only to more of the same. Tell them the hurtful things they have said are heartbreaking. You have already made clear to your mother that you do not wish to discuss politics. This time, tell them that if they raise the subject again, it will be the end of the conversation and you will hang up. If they ignore you and do it again, follow through.

DEAR ABBY: I have a friend, "Doug," I've known for 30 years. I moved away, but we get together once or twice a year. I've known his wife longer than him and watched their son grow up, attending his sports activities when visiting and contributing to school fundraising activities. He's a good kid.

I've recently heard rumors that Doug has made inappropriate advances toward and touched women within our circle of friends. It occurred once when I was there. Sadly, there has been more than one accusation. I do not distrust those rumors. While I didn't witness it, the behavior following the event makes sense to me now.

I'm sad, disappointed and a little angry. I have distanced myself from Doug because one of the victims is also a close friend. I feel guilty for maintaining a relationship with him as if nothing has occurred. I'm continually asked by Doug's wife and son when I am going to visit again. Now that I'm semi-retired, I am out of excuses. I can't just go off the grid, and I clearly don't want to be the one to destroy the family. I also don't want to dishonor the victim by behaving as if nothing has happened. Is there a way out of this? -- TORN IN WISCONSIN

DEAR TORN: I will assume that the friend Doug touched inappropriately told you what happened, and you didn't hear about it secondhand. If that's the case, the rumors are credible. Did this change in Doug's behavior happen because he was drunk or otherwise impaired? If the answer is no, he may have a medical problem and need to be evaluated by his doctor.

If you are really a friend of his wife's, tell her what you were told, that rumors are being circulated and that you are concerned about him. It may not be news she wants to hear, but it's important she be told.

DEAR ABBY: I am a man who recently found a new job with a group of people I am getting to know and like. One of my siblings died by suicide a little more than 10 years ago. I miss her very much, but I have moved through the phases of grief, accepted it and moved on.

We had a party at work recently. People were talking about family and siblings, and it came my turn to speak of my siblings. I said I have two, but one is deceased. I felt like it wasn't the ideal response in this situation, which I have been in several times over the years. What would be the best way to answer a question regarding a deceased sibling? I don't want to forget her and all the great memories I had with her. -- AWKWARD IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR AWKWARD: You handled the situation appropriately. You are not obligated to discuss the death by suicide of a sibling, or any other relative for that matter, during a party. To do otherwise would certainly have sobered the celebratory atmosphere. This is something that is better discussed privately if you wish to.