DEAR ABBY: I have started seeing someone I've known for years. On our first date, he told me he had tried multiple times to divorce his ex of many years. He said they live in different states, and each time he's tried, something has gone awry.

I'm about to start nursing school, and what I want is a relationship of convenience to work around my schedule. We've talked about dating each other exclusively, but we agreed it won't lead to marriage because he's on his third and currently doesn't have the funds to hire a lawyer to get out of it. I'm seeing him as a friend with benefits to hang out with. Is this relationship OK? -- CHALLENGED IN UTAH

DEAR CHALLENGED: You seem pretty clear about the casualness of this relationship. If it's OK with you, OK with him and OK with wife No. 3, then it's OK with me. OK?

DEAR ABBY: I live with a wonderful partner. We share the duties of building a beautiful life around us. However, our mutual friends seem to praise my partner, but not me. I wonder if this may be my fault. I always say good things about him, while I discover many negative issues raised about me. Once, when I confronted him about it, the response was: "Aren't you talking about me with other people?" I have never said a bad thing about him to anyone. Am I creating a circle of hate around myself? -- CIRCLED IN MINNESOTA

DEAR CIRCLED: No, you are not. If your partner has a complaint about you, he should discuss it with you rather than the people with whom you socialize. The expression "circle of hate" seems extreme, but your "wonderful" partner painting you in a negative light hardly enhances your image, and it should be stopped. That won't happen until you finally draw the line and make clear that what he's been doing is unacceptable.

DEAR ABBY: My husband has a terrible habit. He loves to order dessert first and asks that it be served to him after the waitstaff takes everyone's order. Last night, we were at a birthday party with 15 adults in a restaurant and he did it again.

They served a wonderful cake for dessert, which he enjoyed at the end of the meal, as well as his pie at the beginning when no one else was having anything but drinks. He says it wasn't rude, but I disagree. Please, what say you? -- BACKWARDS IN IOWA

DEAR BACKWARDS: This may be less a question of whether your husband is rude for indulging his yen for sugar than is it healthy for him. How's his weight? His blood sugar levels? Any diabetes in the family? What does his doctor think about it?

While ordering dessert before dinner and again afterward is unusual, I'm not sure it is rude. It may, however, be a bid for attention.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have four kids, so there are many, many appointments to make and keep. We both have full-time jobs, so we split up the responsibilities by category; I get the pediatrician visits, and he does orthodontist and dentist. This works fine for me, but for some reason, these offices are stubbornly unwilling to communicate with him as a parent.

No matter who is listed as the contact person, they always call me -- the mother. The dentist is particularly bad. They have my husband listed as the main contact. He's the one who makes all the appointments and takes the kids. My name is listed only as an emergency contact, but they still call me with all the reminders and schedule changes. If I don't respond, they text me repeatedly.

One time, my husband was late getting to their office, and they called and yelled at me about his lateness. I said I wasn't sure what they expected me to do about his being late. (I was on a business trip and out of state that day.)

We have explained multiple times that he is the person they need to talk to, and that I am not involved in these appointments. We've even had them put notes in the kids' records, but they still call me first. Do you have suggestions about how to overcome this bias (that doesn't include me taking over the whole family calendar)? -- IGNORED IN DELAWARE

DEAR IGNORED: I certainly do. It appears someone in this dental practice is tone deaf. Rather than discuss this (again) with the office staff, you or your husband should complain directly to the dentist. Tell them this is a mistake that happens repeatedly and that if it happens one more time, you will take your business elsewhere. Then follow through.

DEAR ABBY: My husband of 58 years is an alcoholic, but not a mean one. He used to be the life of the party, but now his days consist of playing games on the computer and going to his friend's house to drink. He has lost so much weight. He used to like to go places, but no longer. The kids have noticed the changes and so have the grandchildren. I am at my wits' end because I don't know what the matter is. His doctors say he's fine, but he's not. What can I do now? -- OUT OF IDEAS IN TEXAS

DEAR OUT: Your husband may need a second opinion about his health. While there may be nothing physically wrong with him (yet), it appears there may be plenty wrong with him emotionally. He may suffer from depression. He may need to be evaluated neurologically or psychologically.

Something has driven his change in behavior, but no one can solve what's wrong until you get to the bottom of it. You may be able to gain insight by attending some Al-Anon meetings and discussing this with others who are in the same boat. You can find them at al-anon.org/info.

DEAR ABBY: My siblings and I are estranged. I live in a different state. My brother and I never got along and stopped speaking many years ago. My older sister and I, after a long, toxic relationship, finally had a blowout after Dad passed. We haven't spoken since. My younger sister took my older sister's side and doesn't speak to me either.

I have communicated briefly via text and email with all my siblings regarding my parents' trust and final matters. My sisters still insist on texting me birthday wishes. Because of this, I feel obligated to send them a birthday text as well. I stress out weeks before their birthdays because of it.

I felt peaceful after becoming estranged from my older sister. I have many feelings of resentment toward all my siblings for having taken advantage of my parents, especially this older sister. She lived with them rent-free for many years. She refused to get a job and wouldn't help out -- not even to clean their room when they were elderly. Doesn't estrangement include birthdays as well? Why do I feel this way? -- ESTRANGED 364 DAYS IN ARIZONA

DEAR ESTRANGED: There is such a thing as righteous indignation. It appears this is what you may feel toward your siblings. Whatever closeness there may have ever been seems to have evaporated many years before your parents' deaths. Family estrangement is defined as the loss of a previously existing relationship between family members through physical or emotional distancing. This appears to accurately describe you and your siblings. If you prefer not to exchange birthday greetings, stop doing it. I suspect that once you quit responding and reciprocating, those greetings will cease.

DEAR ABBY: Two years ago, one of my best friends took her life. I'd known her since we were in our freshman year. We dated for nearly a year while still in school before deciding to break up and remain as friends. She was much closer to me than that, though. She was like a sister. I loved her so much.

Each year on the anniversary of her death, I go somewhere new, someplace she would have wanted to see had she lived. I know nothing I could have done would have stopped her. I understand that. But Abby, how do I stop feeling like I could have done more? I don't want to feel guilty anymore. I just want to remember her. I just want to love her. -- HER 'SISTER' IN MICHIGAN

DEAR 'SISTER': Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your dear friend. The feelings you are having after her death -- regardless of the circumstances -- are normal. Did we do enough? Could we have done more? Is it all right to go on with our life? The term for this is survivor guilt. A way to better cope with these feelings about her loss might be to join a grief support group or talk them through with a licensed therapist.