DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 52 years. While looking for a tax document, I found a manila envelope that had a note written on the outside. It said, "If something happens to me, please destroy this, because I don't want to hurt anyone." I opened the envelope and found nude pictures of my husband and another woman taken 30 years ago.

When I confronted my husband, he said it happened a long time ago and it's my fault for opening the envelope. I never received an apology, and I no longer want to be intimate with him. I need advice on how to get past this. -- PHOTO-FINISHED IN GEORGIA

DEAR PHOTO-FINISHED: That your husband wouldn't offer an apology only adds insult to injury. What a fool. He left a "time bomb" and didn't have enough common sense to consider what would happen if, after his death, you or your children sifted through his souvenirs. Because you want to get past this, it's time to consult a licensed marriage and family therapist. If your husband refuses to go with you, go alone -- or pray for amnesia.

DEAR ABBY: I was out to dinner this evening. A father and his two sons (10 and 6) were seated at the table next to ours. As soon as they sat down, the father began berating the 10-year-old's performance at a sporting event. He called him "worthless" and a "piece of dog sh-t." It continued throughout the entire meal.

I felt bad for the boy and was horrified at the way his father was treating him. I wanted to take the father aside but didn't know if it would make him abuse his son even more. What advice do you have for situations like this? -- SITTING BY IN COLORADO

DEAR SITTING BY: It's counterproductive when parents become overly involved in their children's sports activities. Clearly, the public shaming this father was giving the boy wasn't helpful encouragement. That said, you were wise to remain silent for the reason you stated. If you had tried to intervene, it would have embarrassed the abuser, and it might have made things worse for the boy.

DEAR ABBY: "Debbie" and I have known each other for 15 years. Our children grew up together, and we have participated in a lot of activities together. She helped me through a difficult divorce and has always been there for me.

Debbie decided about a year ago that we could no longer be friends due to our different political views. She sent a text out of the blue saying it. I was devastated. I have tried to contact her, but she has blocked my number.

In all the years Debbie and I have known each other, we never discussed politics. Since she blocked my number, I've thought about writing to her or dropping by her house to see if we can get past this. What do you think I should do, if anything? -- LOST MY BEST FRIEND

DEAR LOST: I am sorry for your loss. What I think is that the next move should be Debbie's. What she did was cruel. Unless you wish to court more judgment and rejection, keep your distance.

DEAR ABBY: Over the last few years, my family has faced a lot of loss, especially my mother. In the span of three years, she has lost her parents, my father and my brother. We had a little joy with my son being born. He brought a lot of happiness when everybody was heartbroken.

Right after my brother's death, we found out we were unexpectedly pregnant again. We thought this would bring more joy for Mom, but we are getting bad news from the doctors, and the baby may not make it to term or survive very long after birth. I'm not sure how to break this news to Mom, and my wife is getting to where we can no longer hide that she's pregnant.

We are getting a second opinion, but although we are holding out hope, I'm not sure it will change the situation. We know we have to tell Mom something. Any advice on how to tell her without breaking her heart? -- WITHHOLDING IN NEW ENGLAND

DEAR WITHHOLDING: My condolences to your mother, who has experienced a lot of loss in recent years. However, she is an adult and deserves to be a full participant in your lives and treated as such. For her sake (and yours), tell her what is going on and give her the chance to be supportive of you. If you do, of course the news will be sad, but she won't be deprived of the chance to do for you what you have been doing for her.

DEAR ABBY: My son-in-law is never on time for anything. He's in charge of driving his young son to elementary school and is consistently late by four or five minutes. He and my daughter have gotten letters reminding them of the importance of being on time. I witness this because we share a home. He was fired from his last job due to lateness.

I am a very punctual person, so his lateness for everything drives me crazy. I have tried to lightheartedly address it, to no avail. My husband and I are retired, and I suggested to my husband that I could offer to take our grandson to school, but my husband says I should stay out of it. How do I cope with this? -- PUNCTUAL IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR PUNCTUAL: Your grandson should not have to suffer because of his father's irresponsibility. It is important that he get to school on time, with no black marks for tardiness on his record. If that means your daughter, you or your husband sees that he gets there in a timely fashion, so be it.

Of course, this does not solve the problem of your son-in-law's habitual lateness. But perhaps he will learn better habits when word gets around that he can't punch a clock on time when prospective employers ask for references.

DEAR ABBY: My brother just got engaged to the "WOAT" (Worst of All Time). They have been dating for 2 1/2 years, and nobody in the family has anything good to say about her. In the past, he always had stable relationships with girls we really enjoyed. But now he's getting older, his friends are getting engaged and it seems like he's settling and feeling pressure. They are always arguing, and things he never did before he is doing now -- multiple job changes, making less time for family, etc.

Everyone thinks that, as the oldest brother, I should be the one to voice our concerns about her. Would it be too drastic to tell him it's a bad idea? I was going to say I support him if he can find three redeeming qualities in her because none of us can find one. -- NO FAN OF HER IN THE EAST

DEAR NO FAN: I do not think telling your recently engaged brother that his fiancee is the "worst of all time" and no one in the family can find any redeeming qualities in her would be welcomed. I do think, however, that as the oldest sibling you could point out that you are concerned because he and this woman argue a lot, which is why you are suggesting they seek premarital counseling to head off any problems down the line. Then cross your fingers that he follows through.

DEAR ABBY: Even though we live just an hour away and would like to celebrate holidays with my elderly parents, they prefer to spend them with their friends. This started when my family lived 14 hours away. We'd come home for either Thanksgiving or Christmas each year. If we weren't home, my parents got together with a group of childless buddies. This worked out great -- they weren't alone, and I didn't feel guilty.

We moved back home three years ago, primarily to be near family again. However, my parents spend all the major holidays with their buddies, even if my family is home alone. Then my mom asks me to host an alternate holiday so the family can get together. Last year, I tried to talk it through with her. I said it was hurtful that she chose to spend holidays with her friends and asked her to consider family plans first. But she was soon up to her old tricks. I'm 53, but I still want my mom and dad. What should I do? -- NEEDY IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR NEEDY: Because "talking it through" with your mother hasn't worked, it's time for you to start making other plans for the major holidays. You are only as home alone as you want to be. You and your husband could travel or join a local group and do some volunteering for those less fortunate than you in your community. It's time to take a page out of your mother's playbook and do what she did, which is to declare some independence from her.