Dear Abby

DEAR ABBY: I am recently separated, and my divorce will be final soon. I have met a woman I didn't even know could exist. She's perfect for me. The problem is, she lives an hour and a half away and can't drive at night due to a medical condition.

I have fallen for her, and it's mutual. The issues are the distance and the fact that her father just passed away. She's a widow living with her toxic mother. We both want this to work, but she needs time and space. I'm willing to give it to her because I believe she is totally worth it.

This is the second serious relationship in my life. My ex and I were together for decades, but among other bad things, she cheated on me. I'm wondering if you have some advice for me. This new woman is my true "unicorn." I'd do anything for her. I want to be with her, and she says the same, but even though her mother is toxic, she doesn't seem to want to leave her and the bad situation she's in.

It's early, I know, but I'm willing to wait. We have so much in common. She hasn't asked for anything except time and space, but I'm almost 40. (She's a little older.) I'm so clueless with relationships. I'm scared and excited. We want to be a family with a home. Please help me out here. -- CONFUSED IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR CONFUSED: You need to summon enough patience for all of this to play out. You are still married, and, frankly, you need time to regain your balance after a bad marriage that lasted decades. While I'm sure your "unicorn" is a very special woman, she needs time to grieve her father's death and to decide whether she wants to live apart from her mother who -- face it -- may always be part of the package deal.

Happiness and excitement are intoxicating. Do not act impetuously. Take this very slowly. Those long, inconvenient drives may help you to gain perspective. With time, if this is as right as you are hoping it will be, you'll have the happy ending you're hoping for.

DEAR ABBY: My friend invites me for dinner often, and I keep coming up with vague excuses about why I cannot come. The reason for my reluctance is her poor kitchen hygiene. The fridge always has old food and spillage, and her kitchen counters and sink are littered with dirty dishes and leftovers. She doesn't wash her hands before cooking, either.

I have helped her clean her kitchen many times while visiting, thinking she perhaps just needed guidance, but her old habits stick. It feels awkward and inappropriate to tell her the reason for my continuous cancellations. How would you proceed? -- FRIEND IN STICKY SITUATION

DEAR FRIEND: You aren't going to change her. The way to handle this would be to invite her over to your place for dinner, agree to have your meals at a restaurant or bring carryout to her place.

TO MY MUSLIM READERS: At sundown, it is time for the breaking of the Ramadan fast. Happy Eid al-Fitr, everyone. -- LOVE, ABBY

DEAR ABBY: As I approach my mid-30s, many friends have paired off and gotten married. How do I manage friendships in which I'm close with one friend but don't enjoy spending time with their new spouse? While they are not overtly offensive, they're just not fun to socialize with.

Should I slowly pull away from the relationship over a couple of years, or do I confront my friend about the issue of not wanting to spend time with their significant other? It seems abrasive to say, "I don't like hanging out with your husband." Any advice on how to navigate this sticky situation would be appreciated. -- KNEW THEM WHEN

DEAR KNEW THEM: Women navigate these sticky situations by getting together for "girls lunches," spa days (if it's in the budget) and exercise. I do not recommend telling a newlywed her husband isn't fun to socialize with, because not only will it not be well received, it's also guaranteed to get you stricken from their guest list.

DEAR ABBY: My husband is soon to have his first book published. We have both waited a long time for this moment and are thrilled that he'll finally have this achievement under his belt.

While I never had any real expectation about a possible dedication, I thought I might get a short mention. Instead, the dedication went to someone he didn't know personally, and I was completely left out. His co-author took the opportunity to acknowledge their spouse in addition to other people, and now I am sad that he wouldn't acknowledge my support.

I'm not sure if I should say anything to him about it. If I do and he changes the dedication, it won't really be from him. If I wait, I will continue to feel slighted. He is a dedicated husband and supports me in everything I do, so is this a big deal just because I feel like it is? What to do, if anything? -- UNACKNOWLEDGED IN THE EAST

DEAR UNACKNOWLEDGED: I am sure your husband had his reasons for dedicating the book the way he did. Because this is a big deal for you, point out the effect the omission has had on you. Communication is important in healthy marriages, and if you stuff this, it will continue to fester.

DEAR ABBY: Two months ago, I began seeing a male friend. He's involved with my close female friend, but she treats him like garbage. I've witnessed it myself. I'm not sorry for dating him; she deserves to be alone. They have no children. I'm not trying to be foolish about this situation. Do you think I'm a terrible person? -- IT'S COMPLICATED

DEAR COMPLICATED: No, but your soon-to-be former friend will as soon as the news reaches her. And if you think she treats her fella like garbage, batten down the hatches -- because a load of it is coming your way.

DEAR ABBY: My 38-year-old daughter attempted suicide a week ago. She had been living with her fiance, and they shared an apartment and had two cats. My wife and I brought her home from the hospital, and she's staying with us.

Her fiance's and his family's reactions have been horrible. Instead of comforting her, they are angry at her about the stress she has caused them. He no longer calls her, and his family has blocked her on their email and social media. He will not go to their apartment.

My daughter was under stress for a long time and had been hiding her issues from her fiance, trying to be the perfect person in front of him. This contributed to her inner turmoil. She now feels she was right to hide everything, since they all abandoned her as soon as they found out she had problems.

I have advised her that the best thing she can do in the long term is end the engagement and never see this fiance or his family again. They have shown themselves to be horrible people. She should not marry a man who abandons her when she most needs him. I have told her this because they are not actually married, and she now has a chance to move forward for a better life. What can I do to help her? -- HER DAD

DEAR DAD: Your daughter's fiance and his family may have done her a favor by demonstrating that in a crisis they would disappear. What your daughter needs now is intensive counseling to help her deal with the issues that drove her to attempt suicide. Help her by being patient and doing everything you can to ensure that she gets it. Keeping the number of the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline (988) on hand would be prudent. If you need more support, contact NAMI -- the National Alliance on Mental Illness -- at nami.org.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for 44 years. He was a drinker and smoker for 40 of those years. It's no surprise we have had our ups and downs. Four children and five grandchildren later, I have finally realized he's interested in just two things: beer and smoking.

A year ago, they found spots on his lungs. The doctor said the spots were small but need to be checked every year. Shouldn't that have been a wake-up call? I have begged him to stop both, but he tells me to shut up.

I'm going to tell him I'll be leaving the house and staying with my daughter. I love him, but I can't watch him do this anymore. I want to live and enjoy my life. He doesn't leave the house except to work and buy beer and cigarettes. I have had enough. I have to take what life I have left to enjoy. What do you think, Abby? -- HAD ENOUGH IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR HAD ENOUGH: Truth? I'm surprised your marriage has lasted as long as it has. Your husband is addicted to alcohol and nicotine and is self-destructive. Before packing your bags, it might benefit you to join one of the 12-step support groups for families and friends of addicts because it may assuage any guilt you experience. That said, because your husband refuses to even try to change, I agree it's time to start taking care of yourself. Watching people harm themselves is soul-killing.