Dear Abby

DEAR ABBY: My daughter was living in my garage apartment but then got married and moved away. Her sister is in law school in another state, and her brother is even farther away in graduate school. I moved close enough to see them when they come to visit their hometown and their mother.

My ex-wife is flying the two out-of-state ones in for a visit, and I asked her if I could take them to lunch or dinner one of the days they are here. She replied that because she paid for the flights, she doesn't have to let me have any time with them. (She seems to have forgotten that she owes me more money than she spent to fly the kids in.)

The last time I asked, she said I could come to her house to see them, but that was it. Because she's being so unkind about this, I wouldn't be comfortable. I guess I'm venting because there's really nothing I can do. Any ideas on how not to feel bad about this? -- SAD DAD IN TEXAS

DEAR DAD: Your children are not "kids." They are adults now. If you want to see them while they are in town, you don't need to ask your ex-wife. Reach out to them directly and ask what they would like to do. From your description of your relationship with your ex, it's clear you are not friendly, but don't let that stop you. You didn't mention how close your bond is with your son and soon-to-be-lawyer daughter, but if it's not too late, keep working to improve it.

DEAR ABBY: For as far back as I can remember, I have eaten my meals one item at a time. I know this is different from the way most people do it. I have observed that most people eat a bite of each food on their plate smooshed together. I tried in the past to combine my foods, but I do not enjoy the flavor as much as eating them separately.

When I eat my eggs over medium, I cut the whites out and eat them first. Then I scoop the yolks up without breaking them and eat them in one delicious bite. When I was growing up, my dad would suggest I combine my food, but he never forced me to do it.

I'm retired now, and once a week I go to breakfast with a friend who watches me eat my eggs and accuses me of being eccentric. Should I change the way I eat in public, or am I entitled to be comfortable? AM I eccentric? -- ONE AT A TIME IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR ONE AT A TIME: If you think you are alone in eating each item separately, allow me to offer some comfort by telling you it is exactly what I do -- including cutting the whites off the eggs. Maybe we are both "eccentric" (or have a touch of OCD), but heck -- who cares? It's our food, and we're gonna enjoy it just the way we want to!

TO MY READERS: For those who celebrate Easter, I wish you all a meaningful and memorable day. Happy Easter, everyone. -- LOVE, ABBY

DEAR ABBY: I have a 16-month-old who has recently learned to walk. My mom was watching him one day a week while I worked part-time, but she ultimately decided it was too much stress on her back and said she could no longer lift him. Lately, she has been telling me I need to "train" him to do certain things in order for her to watch him without lifting him (e.g., climb into his own car seat). Abby, he's too young to consistently do anything like that.

It's no longer possible for her to put him in his car seat, lift him to put him in his crib, high chair, etc. She's being very pushy about me finding alternative ways to do things that ultimately will make more work for me. I think it would be safer and easier to pay an able-bodied caregiver.

Talking to her about this has become stressful because she calls me "crazy" for thinking this is a safety concern. If we are at the park and he does something unsafe, I pick him up and remove him because he is not yet a reliable listener. How do I discuss this with her in a kind but firm way, and is my concern valid? -- LIFTING HIM UP IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR LIFTING: You are not crazy! Of course your concerns are valid. Your son is years away from being able to do what your mother is suggesting. End those discussions. She needs to be told kindly, but firmly, that you know she loves her grandson, but he needs more hands-on care than she is able to give him, which is why you are hiring someone to do it.

DEAR ABBY: I am one of your male readers. My best friend, "Will," and his family have been close friends of mine for nine years. I regard them as extended family, and we do almost everything together.

Two years ago, they bought a house and converted the garage into a room for Will's brother-in-law. A year ago, the brother-in-law met a woman I'll call "Anika," who stays with them several days each week. She has made her place in the family, doing everything with Will's wife and their kid. Will and his wife have now started including her on trips and things they would have normally invited me to do with them -- but without me. I recently discovered that Anika was disgusted to hear that I was going on a recent trip with them, but she gave in to Will to let me go.

I feel like I'm being pushed out of the family I know and love by this new girlfriend. How do I handle this? -- PUSHED ASIDE IN THE EAST

DEAR PUSHED: Tell Will that over the nine years you have been close friends with him and his family, you have grown to regard them as your extended family. Then tell him it has come to your attention that Anika did not want you included on that last outing and ask if he knows why. Had you offended her in some way? She may be jealous of the relationship you have had for so long with Will and his brother-in-law and be unwilling to share her boyfriend -- or his family.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I finally got custody of his daughter "Amelia" 15 days before her 16th birthday. She came to us with home-schooling and little socialization. Now she's 18, and we've gotten her on track to graduate, but she has completely changed. She plans to move in with her boyfriend and is skipping school.

My husband feels we can't get on her case about it, since we've had her for only two years. We've had three boys who have graduated, and two girls who haven't yet. We made the boys (his stepsons) go to school every day and live at home until they graduated. We will do the same with our younger girls.

Abby, why is he scared for me to tell Amelia that she can't move out until after graduation, especially not with her boyfriend, or get on her about missing school all the time? -- STERN STEPMOM IN KANSAS

DEAR STEPMOM: Your husband may fear that Amelia is too headstrong to be reasoned with and worry that if he asserts himself, his daughter will become estranged.

You described yourself as "Stern Stepmom." If the way you demonstrate that is by insisting your husband's children graduate with a basic education, I don't consider it heavy-handed. However, if there is more to it, Amelia may be moving out to get away from you.

Perhaps a different approach might be more effective. Amelia is old enough to be talked with "woman to woman." If you can impress upon her that you and her father care only about her welfare, that the decisions she is making now will affect her entire future, perhaps she will be more open to hearing your message. The fact that she's moving out is less important than failing to complete her education and get that high school diploma. Let that be your focus when you and her dad speak to her.

DEAR ABBY: I have a co-worker who loves to bake. She's actually wonderful at it and brings a baked item for our birthdays. We have a small office of six.

Unfortunately, she has quite a few plug-in air fresheners in her kitchen, so every item she brings in to share is saturated with perfume. No one wants to say anything because she is extremely sensitive and would be crushed. Is there a way to put it gently? -- TASTING IT IN WASHINGTON

DEAR TASTING: If the oil from her air fresheners is transferring to the treats your co-worker brings, someone needs to discreetly take her aside and speak up. A way to phrase it would be:

"You are always so generous in bringing birthday goodies for everyone, and we really appreciate it. But the last time we tried your fabulous chocolate cake we noticed the scent of Jungle Gardenia (or Alpine Pine, etc.). Do you think it might have come from your plug-in air freshener? It would be a shame if the fragrances affected the quality of your wonderful baked goods. Unplugging the air freshener during the baking and cooling would probably do the trick."