DEAR ABBY: My late husband and I were married 38 years when we finally went to marriage counseling. I found out then that he had slept with my sister early in our marriage. I had suspected he'd also had an affair with his uncle's wife. (They were very close in age.) This, too, was confirmed in counseling.

My sister was recently home because of our mom's health, and it was a struggle to be in the same hospital room with her. As far as the other gal, there are a few occasional family get-togethers, which I avoid because of her.

I need help. How do I deal with this after all these years? -- NOT OVER IT YET

DEAR NOT OVER IT: Take back your life. You have nothing to be embarrassed about. Tell your sister and the other woman that you know they slept with your husband. And at the next family get-together, tell the rest of your relatives why you avoided all those previous get-togethers so they don't think they were the reason.

DEAR ABBY: There's a woman at work I am drawn to, but I'm tired of getting turned down. She's very talkative with me and asks me lots of questions, but when I have come on to her, I am rebuffed. She says she has a boyfriend. I'm not sure why she's so friendly with me, but I feel I'm getting mixed messages.

In our job, we occasionally have to work side by side, and when that happens, I'm conflicted about whether to open up or shut down. Maybe I should ask if she still has a boyfriend and, if she does, communicate about the task at hand. The idle chatting is becoming uncomfortable, because I want something more. What's the best course of action? -- NEXT TO HER IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR NEXT TO HER: Asking her again if she still has a boyfriend would not be out of line. However, if her answer is yes, forget about anything more than a cordial work relationship because not every attraction is mutual. Concentrate on work while you're there, and look elsewhere for romance after hours.

DEAR ABBY: I dated this lady for three months. She wanted to wait to commit to a relationship before having sex. We had limited time to see each other -- Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays. We would go out and return to her place and be very passionate, although we didn't have sex because of her religious beliefs.

She has now decided not to pursue a relationship with me because she didn't feel the "flame" of a connection with me. After all this kissing, hugging and getting close to sex at times, how could she feel this way? Was I played? -- TOTALLY CONFUSED IN TEXAS

DEAR CONFUSED: Give the lady marks for being honest if she couldn't return your ardor. Depending upon what she was getting from the relationship in addition to kissing, hugging and passion, whether you were played is a question only you can answer.

DEAR ABBY: We asked our 19-year-old college daughter, "Lulu," to dog-sit and housesit several months ago. She knew our rule of no visitors allowed in our home while we were out of town. Because of this, we didn't feel we needed to prepare the house by filing mail and documents away prior to our short trip.

Lulu had her new boyfriend of a few weeks stay over for the weekend. She not only allowed this stranger into our home but also deceived us for months. It's difficult to let go of our disappointment in her poor judgment by allowing a stranger into our home with unsecured documents out in the open.

Her sexual activities and consequences are her "adult" choices, but I'm not sure when I'll be able to trust our daughter again. She had an opportunity to start building our trust shortly after we found out about "the weekend," but didn't take our consequences and rules seriously enough during her school break and lost access to some privileges. Yes, she did start counseling sessions this past semester. Where do we go from here? -- NO TRUST IN NEW MEXICO

DEAR NO TRUST: Since we now know Lulu has poor judgment and lacks respect for your rules, take away your house key (if you haven't already), practice keeping your financial documents under lock and key when you're not in the house and hire a dog sitter. Then, cross your fingers and hope the counseling your daughter is receiving helps her become more mature and make better choices.

DEAR ABBY: I lost my daughter to cancer five years ago. She was only 36. She left behind a husband and three children, ages 3, 5 and 7. While my daughter and her husband worked, I was their "nanny granny" five days a week. I would also take them overnight on weekends. More often than not, I had more waking hours with my grands than their parents did. We were extremely close and bonded.

After my daughter passed, my son-in-law asked me to move in to help. I was in a position to do so, and it went OK the first year. Then some cracks began to show, and we ended up having a huge fight over money (though it wasn't really about money). After I said some horrible things about him on Facebook, he took the grands away from me. It has been two years, and I have begged his forgiveness to no avail. What can I do? -- MISSING THEM IN MARYLAND

DEAR MISSING THEM: You wrote that "cracks began to show." I wish you had mentioned what that huge fight was "really" about because I might have been able to answer your question about how to patch things up more fully. As it stands, all I can suggest is to continue apologizing to your former son-in-law and continue sending gifts to your grandchildren on their birthdays and at Christmas so they will know they have a grandmother who exists and cares about them.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married 10 years. My husband is from another country, and the last six years haven't been easy. I've been the sole provider for our family, on the advice of our lawyer, while we were getting his paperwork complete (my husband refused to work illegally). I have stood by this man through thick and thin and endured his verbal, emotional and even a little physical abuse, I'm ashamed to admit.

The final straw came when he was having a bad day and threw a tantrum in public because our toddler was crying. After he smashed his fishing pole, I told him his behavior was childish and ignorant. He told me he would show me "childish" when we got home. I took my child and have been staying with my mom for the last six months. (I also have to mention that my husband has been going through undiagnosed mental crises since COVID.)

Since we left, he has realized how badly he treated me and seems to be getting help on his issues. Should I trust that he's changed to be a better man, or do I walk away? He's a great father and was a stay-at-home dad until he started working right after I left. I never want my child to think it's OK to be abused or, heaven forbid, treat someone else that way. -- BEWILDERED IN INDIANA

DEAR BEWILDERED: I agree that tolerating mistreatment sets a terrible example for your child. You state that your husband "seems" to be getting professional help for his issues. Before making the decision to reunite or walk away, punt. Make sure he is getting the help he says he is and not just romancing you. Joining him during some sessions with his therapist might reassure you and prove beneficial for both of you IF you decide to remain married to him.

DEAR ABBY: I have had a friend since junior high. We have kept in touch off and on over the years. The last few years, she and her hubby have wanted to visit us more often. We have visited them in their state, too. When we are their guests, we always go all out to show our appreciation for them hosting us by taking them out for dinners, etc.

During their last visit, we made nice dinners and provided alcohol, which her husband drank most of. He bought himself more but didn't think to get us anything. There was also never an offer to take us out, not even to breakfast, although they took themselves out several times. We felt taken advantage of. We have decided we no longer want to host them because of their selfishness. How do I tell my friend the next time they ask to come? I know they will. -- FEELING USED IN COLORADO

DEAR FEELING USED: The next time the woman calls and asks to visit, tell her it "isn't convenient" or you have "other plans" and will be unable to host her and her husband. Then suggest they make a reservation at a nice hotel. I'm betting they won't take you up on it, and you'll be firmly off the hook. (Repeat as often as is necessary.)