DEAR ABBY: A few months ago, I found out my adult child is transgender. Nobody knows yet except for me, my husband and my other child. Until this year, I have always worked in a very caring, loving and supportive environment. Recently, I overheard a new male co-worker say in a high-pitched voice, "I'm transgender! I'm transgender!" while spinning in circles and waving a scarf around his head. I was floored.

I wanted to say something to him about that being inappropriate and hurtful, but I was speechless. I have never before encountered this type of behavior. How do I handle this if something similar happens again? My child is not ready for the world to know, so I need to be careful. I'm kicking myself for not speaking up at the time. -- REGRETFUL IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR REGRETFUL: It is unfortunate that transgender people (who make up less than 1% of the population) are being scapegoated by ignorant, ill-informed individuals. Gender identity disorder is not contagious. Trans people are a danger to no one, and they don't deserve to be ridiculed. The next time this happens (and it may), don't be shy about telling your co-worker that what he's doing is inappropriate and hurtful and not to do it in front of you again.

DEAR ABBY: I have been having a friend-with-benefits relationship with a man I'll call "Gene." We are both in our 70s. He lives an hour away, and we see each other once a month. Gene is married, but his wife is disabled, and their relationship has deteriorated. We used to work together, and he was very lonely when I met him. Gene feels responsible for his wife and will never leave her, which is fine with me. I am not interested in a full-time boyfriend.

My issue is, if my two adult children found out about this, they would be very judgmental. I know it would damage my relationship with them. On the other hand, I don't want to live my life on their terms. What do you think of all this? -- HAPPY, BUT WORRIED, IN FLORIDA

DEAR HAPPY: I think that at the age of 70 you are mature enough to make your own decisions. I also think that you need to be strong enough to defend them should the need arise. Because you are living in fear of their eventually finding out that you are happy with the relationship you have with Gene, it would be better for you to tell them yourself.

DEAR ABBY: You have printed many letters from women living with deadbeat men. I wish you would write about the benefits of living alone and not needing a man in your life to feel complete. -- ALONE AND CONTENT IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR A & C: Every letter I print regarding "deadbeat" men (and their female equivalents) is an object lesson in itself. The writers are overworked, frustrated and miserable. I can't think of a stronger message to send readers than the ones in those letters, which speak for themselves. No man at all is better than one who is a user.

DEAR ABBY: I'm blessed at 38 to have my first and likely only grandbaby. She's PERFECT. My daughter, "Robin," is stressed. She's left alone with the baby all day, every day while her partner works. Robin sleeps only when he's home. I understand her frustration. I raised her and her brother, 12 months apart, on my own. I don't get to see my grandbaby often as I don't have a vehicle and Robin doesn't have a driver's license.

I cherish every picture I receive. I want to memorize every aspect of my grandbaby. There's a recurring theme in her photos. I think the baby has a lazy eye. I've compared pictures from birth until now at 10 months of age.

Robin is in a fragile state with stress and postpartum depression. Should I tell her or let a doctor catch it? I know the longer it goes untreated, the worse it gets. Right now, I can't say or do anything right to her. Apparently, "I don't know what it's like to raise a kid!" -- WATCHFUL GRANDMA IN MISSOURI

DEAR GRANDMA: If your daughter is suffering from postpartum depression, it is very important that she be treated by her doctor for it. You should be telling her that. I cannot stress this too strongly. Your granddaughter should be having regular examinations by her pediatrician because if there is something wrong with her eye, her pediatrician should catch it and recommend treatment.

DEAR ABBY: My father divorced my mother when I was 7. He was never around much prior to their divorce. They married young, and I have three siblings. My parents "had" to get married (those were the times), so it wasn't a happy union. Dad was self-absorbed and immature. He moved out of state, never supported us and sat on the sidelines, watching us flounder.

My mother worked three jobs during my whole childhood. She was the best parent you could imagine, but it was a real struggle for all of us. In a way, we were blessed that he left. Two of my siblings maintained a relationship with this man, who later in life remarried and had two more children. I have never understood how they could forgive him, but they must have.

My father is 86 now. Years ago, he moved back to where we grew up. He is dying and has two to six months to live. It is a strange feeling, and I have sympathy for what my siblings have been going through. How do I support them?

I haven't spoken to my father in 40 years, and we never speak of him to each other. I can never forgive him for what he did to me and my mother. Of course, I will know when he passes. I want to be sincere and support my siblings. -- EMPATHETIC IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR EMPATHETIC: No one can predict how the death of a parent will affect them, and that includes you. Don't be surprised if it comes as a jolt. You do not have to mourn your father's death in order to be sensitive to your siblings' feelings. Often, it's helpful just to be a good listener and help with whatever details need to be attended to if asked.

DEAR ABBY: I lost my wife of 20 years four months ago after a prolonged illness. I retired at 62 and became her primary caretaker. The job of caretaker is endless and stressful, and yet rewarding. A female friend of many years ("Dinah") came to the memorial. I grieved, attended Grief Share and read articles about grief. I experience grief every day and will for my whole life.

Recently, Dinah and I began spending time together, including worship. For clarification, we have never been intimate and won't be until our wedding night (if that ever happens). The difficulty is how my late wife's family have reacted. They are becoming more and more distant. I don't feel I'm doing anything wrong. Others have said, "You should wait for at least a year." My financial planner and I spoke about not making any major financial decisions for a while, but what is this "one year" thing? -- READY IN TENNESSEE

DEAR READY: The "one year thing" is the same as the suggestion your financial planner offered. The reasoning is that after one loses a spouse, the widower is often emotionally vulnerable. Out of loneliness, some have made hasty decisions in their romantic lives that they later regret. While it isn't wrong that you are dating, your former in-laws may be upset that you started so soon after your wife's death and regard it as "disrespectful" to her memory. What they may not have taken into account is that your grieving started while you were taking care of your wife rather than after her death.

DEAR ABBY: My brother has been married for 25 years to "Gayle," who has alienated herself and their family from everyone, including her own siblings, our siblings and the rest of our family as well. She limits when, where and with whom he can spend time.

Gayle nearly always has a nasty comment or barb and picks someone to fight with at every family gathering. Rather than deal with this, my family and our siblings' families have distanced ourselves, which is especially sad because my brother and Gayle have college-aged children with whom we enjoy spending time.

Abby, something happened recently that makes me wonder if it's time for someone to intervene. My brother has an increasing number of false memories about things that never happened in his life -- particularly ones in which he has supposedly been grievously wronged by me. Please share some advice. -- MISSING MY BROTHER IN NEW ENGLAND

DEAR MISSING: The topic of false memories is not one about which I am knowledgeable enough to comment. I do, however, know they happen sometimes as people age. Your brother may be experiencing symptoms of dementia and should be examined physically and neurologically by his doctor. Discuss this with the rest of your siblings in the hope that if ALL of you suggest this to your brother's wife and adult children, it may get through to her. But don't count on it if she has worked during their entire marriage to isolate him from all of you.