DEAR ABBY: Our adult daughter has children we adore. She asked if we could help out by watching them for a few hours occasionally, and we jumped at that. We had done this regularly before the delivery of the newest addition (three months ago), and the kids would occasionally spend the night. With the new addition, she wanted us to come to her house to watch them, and that was OK as well -- anything to ease her anxiety about leaving the baby.

On our first visit, she asked that we not come early, to allow her time to get ready. The second time, we showed up about 10 minutes early. I didn't realize we were early. I habitually run slightly late. When she opened the door (hand never leaving the door), she said, "I thought I asked you not to come early." I handed her the food we had brought for the older children, along with some of her things, and started to head back out, because she announced she would just call their father to get off work early. I kissed her cheek, said "I love you," and told the children I loved them. Her hand never left the door.

We've talked about it since, but she says she did nothing wrong. Now she's gaslighting me, saying I seemed "off" and asking if I was going through anything. While I was early, I really don't see how it was such a big deal. She hasn't asked us to watch them since, and when I've invited them over, she says they have plans. Advice, please? -- PUNISHED IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR PUNISHED: It is interesting that your daughter is asking whether you were "going through something," because the opposite may be true. Your daughter may be dealing with emotional problems, a hormone imbalance or having problems coping now that there is a new baby in the mix. If you need an interpreter to give you some insight about the abrupt change in routine, I suggest asking your son-in-law.

DEAR ABBY: A few years ago, my husband and I were invited to the wedding of a close friend's daughter. We stayed two nights at the destination and gave a $300 cash gift to the newlyweds. The evening of the wedding, when I went to put my gift into the box for cards and gifts, the big wooden box was gone. The bartender said the couple had already taken it to their room, but he would take the envelope and make sure they got it. I gave it to him.

After six months, I hadn't received a thank-you note, so I asked my friend if the couple had gotten my gift. I told her I was concerned because it was cash and I had given it to the bartender. She asked her daughter, who told her to tell me, "We got it." Since then, my friendship with this friend seems to have become very distant. Tell me, was I wrong? -- MYSTIFIED IN NEW YORK

DEAR MYSTIFIED: You weren't wrong. Considering the odd circumstances, you did exactly the right thing by asking if the cash had been received. Your friend, however, may have interpreted your question as criticism of her daughter because, after six months, you hadn't received an acknowledgment of your generous gift.

DEAR ABBY: I am a stepgrandmother of a disabled granddaughter, "Laura," who has Down syndrome. She is 38. A few years ago, she weighed more than 300 pounds at only 5 feet tall. She ended up in the hospital with blood clots and almost died. The courts gave guardianship to her dad, my son-in-law. Laura's mother has visitation with Laura only one day a week for four hours.

When they are together, she feeds Laura so much junk food that when Laura comes home, she gets sick. Her dad has spoken to his ex-wife about this issue, but she continues to do it even though she knows the doctors have said Laura has an eating disorder. In the past few years, my daughter has worked hard to help Laura, and now Laura is down to 140 pounds. How can they get her mother on board to help Laura and stop giving her all this stuff that makes her so sick? -- LOOKING ON IN OHIO

DEAR LOOKING ON: Laura's mother appears to have mental problems, which may be why her visitations are limited. Although feeding her daughter junk food may be the way she tries to show love, preventing her from losing the weight she needs to in order to be healthy is dangerous. Your son needs to explain what's going on to Laura's doctors and to the judge who decided how long and how often Laura's mother is allowed to see her. A solution might be that those visits must be supervised. Please suggest this.

DEAR ABBY: I've hosted a live podcast for years. It's my creative outlet, my therapy. Recently, my wife gave me an ultimatum. I am not allowed to host the podcast anymore, or she'll divorce me. She says it's for "us," not her. Her reason is mostly because I preach atheism as well as discuss many other topics.

She's a Christian. I was a Christian when we met and married, but I am no longer. I want to respect her faith, but I feel this is too much for her to ask. My show is a piece of what I want to share and document with the world. It's only a few hours' commitment a week, and I don't do much else as far as recreation or hobbies. I am employed and responsible, and I fulfill all my duties as a husband.

I'm terrified of losing either the show or my marriage. Is this a fair thing for my wife to demand? I have chosen to stop hosting the show for now, and I'm unhappy. I'd like my wife's blessing so I can continue. Is there anything you would recommend? -- HOST IN EXILE

DEAR HOST: I don't know how far away in exile you are, but if you live within the borders of the United States, there is a certain amount of freedom of speech here. Living according to your wife's dictate leaves you frustrated and unhappy. You have the right to express yourself, and you have an audience who appreciates it. If she chooses to divorce you over this, you may find it's a relief. Call her bluff. If you do, you may discover you are happier following your own path rather than hers.

DEAR ABBY: My son is 27. He has had some problems recently that were so serious I reached out to his father. His father and I were teenagers when we had him, so the last time we spoke was 18 years ago. Our relationship was really toxic, which is why we split when we were young. (We both had other children.) Since we've begun talking again, we have shared that the relationships we're in now aren't good. Mine is verbally and emotionally abusive. (He used to be physically abusive until two years ago.)

Abby, all my feelings for my ex have come back, and he says he feels the same. We're different people now. We haven't taken it any further than talking and texting. I'm so confused. I don't know if I should end the relationship I'm in and give it another go with my ex, or leave it alone. -- HOPELESS ROMANTIC IN TEXAS

DEAR HOPELESS ROMANTIC: You have nothing to lose and everything to gain by ending a relationship that's emotionally and verbally abusive. If your ex is sincere about what he has been telling you, he may want to end his unhappy relationship as well. IF you decide to move forward with what you're considering, I strongly urge you to get to know him first. Couples counseling can help you accomplish it, considering the baggage you are both carrying from the first time around.

DEAR ABBY: While we were growing up, my father was abusive toward me and favored my younger sister. He said she was "too dumb to be successful," so he pushed me mercilessly (punishing me when I wasn't perfect) and mostly left her alone. As an adult, I finally found the strength to ask him to treat me right.

I suggested we go to family counseling to improve our communication. My father agreed initially, then said he was too busy (he's retired) and refused to go. He then cut me off and announced to the family that he was disowning me. My sister believes his story that I cut him off. Since she was never treated poorly, she doesn't believe that I was. How can I continue my relationship with her, while she remains close with him? -- ESTRANGED IN FLORIDA

DEAR ESTRANGED: You can try to get other family members who remember the dynamic between you and your father to vouch for the fact that you are telling your sister the truth. However, if that's not possible, and you want to maintain a relationship with her, then you will have to agree to make the subject of Dear Old Dad something you do not discuss.

DEAR ABBY: How should I respond to close friends -- a couple -- who are extremely nosy? Recently, the husband asked me if any of my siblings are citizens of the country my now-deceased parents emigrated from. When I replied no, he proceeded to ask me why. I was caught off guard by his rudeness and couldn't answer. They both do this. I have mentioned previously that I'm very private about my family, yet they persist. How do I stop this rude behavior? -- NOSY FRIENDS

DEAR NOSY: The next time you are asked something you feel is none of their business, respond by saying, "Why do you ask?" And when they answer, say, "That's very personal," and change the subject.