DEAR ABBY: My daughter won't allow me to have a relationship with my toddler grandson without constantly interfering. Everything is "no." She says things like: "Don't bring him a toy every time you come over -- no more toys. No TV. Don't play the (kids) music too loud. No, he cannot go outside; there are bugs or it's too hot. Don't give him milk now. Don't give him a snack."

I have to ask her permission for everything, and it is so stressful. When I tell her, "But you buy him toys," she responds, "Well, I'm the mother." It seems almost bizarrely competitive. She's exhausting. Does she have the right to disrupt my relationship with my only grandchild in this way? -- CONTROLLED GRANDMA IN FLORIDA

DEAR GRANDMA: I'm afraid she does. Not knowing your daughter, I can't explain why she is determined to prevent you from spoiling your grandson. Perhaps she fears that he will love you more than he loves her. Whatever her reason, if you want to have a relationship with that child, you are going to have to accept her "house rules."

DEAR ABBY: My son is hosting a reception for 30 guests at his home for his daughter's (my granddaughter's) wedding. It will be a professionally catered sit-down dinner complete with a professional bartender. In your opinion, what is the protocol for tipping a bartender who will be paid handsomely by the company who employs him? The company is charging my son a steep hourly rate.

Some think it is fine for this employee to have a tip jar at the bar. Others say it would be "tacky" to expect family and friends to tip above and beyond what my son is already paying, plus tipping him privately. Please share your wisdom so we can put this unpleasant subject to rest. -- ALREADY PAYING ENOUGH IN NEVADA

DEAR ALREADY PAYING: The reception is a private event. The bartender is being compensated ("handsomely" or not) by the company that employs him. Your son will also be tipping him. I wholeheartedly agree with the others who have told you a tip jar would be "tacky."

DEAR ABBY: When I take something to a potluck, I assume any leftovers stay with the host unless they are offered to people to take home. Sometimes, there's so much food at a potluck that some of the contributions are barely touched.

I have spent time and money preparing food and I hate to see it thrown away. Would it be weird, rude or socially uncool to ask to take my contribution home with me if it's not perishable? -- HATES WASTE IN WASHINGTON

DEAR HATES WASTE: If your contribution to the potluck is barely touched, it would not be weird, rude or socially unacceptable to ask your hosts if you can take it home with you. But do offer to leave a portion for them if they wish.

DEAR ABBY: I am a teacher. I love my job, and I love my students. However, as I near the end of my 26th year of teaching, there's something I need to get off my chest. At the end of every school year, many parents ask me to write a personal note to their student as an inscription in a certain children's book. They request this of all of their kids' teachers, then give the book as a graduation gift. It's a cute idea, but what it amounts to is a large stack of paperwork at a time of the school year when I'm already drowning in paperwork.

I'm writing this to say publicly: Please stop! Parents, I love your kids, and I did my best to teach them and make sure they had a wonderful year. I tried to instill in them a passion for learning and a love of reading. I also helped them to navigate tricky social situations and move forward as wiser people. I am not saying this to pat myself on the back, I'm doing it to let you know I have already given your kids my all. Before you demand that I perform an extra task for you, multiply that task by 25 and imagine what that means for me at an extremely stressful and busy time of year. If you appreciate what I did for your child, please show your appreciation by not laying extra work on me at the end of the school year. Thanks, Abby. -- ALREADY OVERWHELMED IN NEW YORK

DEAR ALREADY OVERWHELMED: I'm printing your letter to parents, however, some of them may miss my column today. That is why I am suggesting that the answer to your problem may be as simple as sending a message in advance to these well-meaning parents, reminding them that this is a stressful time of year for you and please not to ask.

DEAR ABBY: I have been with a man for 25 years. The first few years were wonderful, but then he turned to drugs and became a different person. I can't get away from him. I work two jobs to support us. He doesn't respect me. I have asked him to leave repeatedly. He refuses. I leave it at that so as to avoid rocking the boat, because he can be a jerk. I'm ready to pack up and move, but everything here is mine. What should I do? -- OUT THE DOOR IN THE EAST

DEAR OUT: Schedule an appointment with an attorney to discuss your problem. You should no longer support your drug-addicted abuser because by doing so, you have become his enabler. If you feel he presents a danger to you or your property, file a police report and ask for a restraining order. With their help, you may finally be able to pry him out of your home. If you are afraid that he will retaliate, install a security system. For further suggestions, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 or thehotline.org.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a man in my 70s. My girlfriend is eight years younger. We were first introduced 42 years ago by relatives who believed we would be a good match. I was an only child; she was from a broken home. We dated and liked each other, but there were communication problems. I was independent as a younger man and dated. She was devoted to her mother and cared for her until her passing. We reconnected and started dating seven years ago. We live an hour apart, and I would drive to spend a weekend with her every two weeks. We talk every day.

Things were good, and I asked if she would be interested in marriage someday. She said she would "consider it." A few years later, I offered to buy a ring to show that she belonged to me, and she became upset. I backed off. A year ago, she suddenly said I shouldn't come any longer. When I asked why, she told me I have said things in the past that upset her. She said I poke fun at things she likes to do and made comments that were intimate in nature. I asked why she hadn't brought these issues to my attention sooner. She said she should have but just didn't do it. I kid around a bit, even poke fun at myself, but I never intended to hurt anyone's feelings. I apologized and suggested relationship therapy. She believed we could just work through it. She said she had to build up the trust again. We took a vacation, but nothing changed. Simple things like holding hands don't seem to interest her anymore. I don't have years to waste. Do I have the wrong girl here? -- FRUSTRATED IN OHIO

DEAR FRUSTRATED: Yup, you sure do. The lady isn't physically attracted to you, and she can't bring herself to communicate when there are problems that could be fixed. You can do better than this, and the time to start widening your dating circle is now.

DEAR ABBY: I've been married to a wonderful man for five years. He has an almost-20-year-old daughter, "Amber," whom he raised alone. Amber is spoiled and entitled because he overcompensated for the lack of a mother figure in her life. I get it. However, she continues to be disrespectful to me and has made him choose sides in disagreements. I've always tried to be neutral in situations. We all live together, but Amber and I just don't get along. She doesn't respect her father at all. When I have tried to make him realize it or support him when she's being unruly, I am turned into the bad guy. I am not asking him to choose, but there is only one queen of the castle, and it isn't me. What do I do? -- PRICKLY SITUATION IN GEORGIA

DEAR PRICKLY: Is Amber in college and living at home? Is she employed but not earning enough to support herself? Where is her mother? How long is she going to be living with you?

You and your "wonderful" husband could lessen some of the tension in your household if you start talking with a licensed marriage and family therapist. He should have stepped in the moment his daughter started acting out and insisted you be treated with respect (at the very least) as long as she is under his roof.