DEAR ABBY: My mother passed away six years ago. She was a manipulative woman who had alienated all family members except my adult son. She promised him a sizable amount of money when she passed but didn't follow through. As the fiduciary of my parents' estate, I followed their trust directives as written, with no exceptions.

My son received a nice check, but not as large as he had expected. He was upset and blamed me for "taking" his money. Then he declared that we would never see our grandsons again unless he received what his grandmother had promised. He refused to understand the concept of a trustee's fiduciary duty and has ghosted us, even though I have tried reaching out to him several times.

Thanks to the generosity of our former daughter-in-law, we do have access to our grandsons. I have finally come to terms with my son's decision to remove himself from the family, which includes his brother and sister. He's an adult and can make that decision for himself.

It was always my intention to one day pass what I inherited on to my three children. What I am struggling with is that I'm feeling a considerable amount of guilt because my husband and I have excluded this son from any monetary distributions from our own trust because of how he has behaved and his attempt at blackmail. Am I justified in excluding him? I want to forgive and forget, but I can't get past his actions. -- CONFLICTED IN IDAHO

DEAR CONFLICTED: That your son misdirected his anger from his grandmother, where it belonged, onto you is very sad. Forgive him in your heart, but do not reward him by changing your estate plans. If you haven't already done so, discuss with your lawyer leaving your son's share of your estate in trust for your grandsons instead.

DEAR ABBY: I am married to a verbally and economically abusive alcoholic. His drinking has grown much worse during this last year to the point that he can no longer hold a job longer than two months. We have three children, and I know our constant fighting is bad for the kids.

Because I haven't worked in eight years, it has been extremely hard for me to find a job. I have applied for many. I want to leave this toxic marriage, but I'm scared. I don't know how. I have nowhere to go, no money, no car, no job. What can I do, Abby? I am so miserable that I can't stand it. -- BREAKING POINT IN THE WEST

DEAR BREAKING POINT: It's time to contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline, which can be accessed at thehotline.org or by calling toll-free 800-799-7233. Your husband may not be beating you, but that does not mean you aren't being abused. The atmosphere you describe isn't healthy for you or your children. You cannot save your husband from his addiction. Only he can do that when he finally hits rock bottom and decides to seek help for his drinking.

DEAR ABBY: I have been in a relationship for almost two years with an incredible man who makes my heart sing. We are both in our mid-30s. I have three children. He has one whom, for lack of better words, his own parents co-parent.

We are at the point in our relationship where I want to marry, move in together and do the whole family thing. He often says he wants to marry me and wants that life, but "not yet." When I ask him why, he says, "I wish I knew why. I wish I could snap my fingers and make it something I want to do now."

His parents are amazing, but they always come before anyone else. If he had to choose right now, it would be his parents over me or any of the kids. I feel like I'm in a never-ending cycle of "Is he going to?" or "When will he get there?" What should I do? We've had long and extensive conversations, but I don't feel he is actually trying to "get there." -- WANNABE WIFEY

DEAR WANNABE WIFEY: Your boyfriend clearly likes the status quo. After two years, it's time to offer him the option of couples counseling. If he refuses and you still want to take the relationship to a higher level, you will have to recognize that nothing is likely to change and act accordingly.

DEAR ABBY: I've been with my boyfriend for 12 years. We have two children and a third on the way. Three years ago, we got our family a dog, "Astro," the love of our lives. She passed away three months ago from heat exhaustion. She was only 2 years old. I was driving while my boyfriend held her as we drove to the vet. She died before we got there.

I am now in grief therapy. I expressed my grief to my boyfriend, and he has expressed his to me. I'm adamant about not wanting another dog. He told me he wanted another one, but that I had nothing to worry about for a while -- more than likely, a year. I was OK with it because I felt it would give me time to grieve.

Well, this past weekend, my boyfriend came home with a new dog. He didn't warn me. The new dog looks exactly like Astro, the same breed and color. I am heartbroken. I feel like my trust has been betrayed. I've been a wreck ever since, and I don't think I can compromise.

This is a no-win situation because one of us will end up unhappy. I'm thinking about ending our relationship over this. Am I being unreasonable or selfish? -- OVERWHELMED IN KANSAS

DEAR OVERWHELMED: You are neither unreasonable nor selfish. What your boyfriend did was inconsiderate and underhanded and showed disregard for your feelings. At the very least, you deserve an apology. That dog should be returned to the breeder or rescue from which it came. However, while I don't blame you for having second thoughts about the relationship after this man's display of insensitivity, after 12 years (and three kids), ending the relationship may be impractical.

DEAR ABBY: My husband is battling cancer. He has good days and bad days. He is not at the end, but he can no longer do a lot of things for himself. At this point, we are very busy with doctors and treatments. We have 14 medical treatments this month alone.

His children want to visit from out of town frequently. Of course they want to see their dad, and I understand. However, how can I moderate the visits graciously without discouraging them so the additional responsibilities don't wear me out?

I have tried setting some limits, and some of them pay attention to what I say. However, one "child" (age 50) doesn't listen. They come to town and want to spend all day with Dad. I have to provide meals, snacks, beverages and attempt to monitor my husband's rest time as well as my own.

I have tried limiting the number of days, but I am ignored. The last time, my husband and I suggested four days instead of seven, but we were ignored. Now, this child wants to come for a month. Help, please. -- CARETAKER IN UTAH

DEAR CARETAKER: That this "child" would ignore not only your wishes but also their father's is terrible. I'm sorry you didn't mention where this person stays when they visit, but it should not be in your home. They should stay at a hotel or motel and they, not you, should be responsible for their meals.

Your husband can help with this to some degree. When he's tired and needs to rest, he should be willing to tell his child it's time to go. This child should also be willing to lend a hand wherever it's needed, including shopping for groceries, doing laundry and taking Dad to medical appointments so you can rest.

Drawing the line isn't easy, but once it's done, you will both be glad you did.

DEAR ABBY: My mother loves exchanging gifts and spends a lot of time and energy choosing and elaborately wrapping items for all the members of our family. She's also retired and living on a limited, fixed income. She showers me and my kids with expensive things at holidays, but then almost immediately hits me up for cash because she's broke.

I've gotten into the habit of returning as many of her gifts as I can and banking the money for when she needs it back. She found me out and gets really angry when I do this. At the same time, she's unwilling to scale back her spending. She sees these as completely separate issues. I can't refuse her the money because she wouldn't be able to pay for rent or groceries.

How do I get her to understand that the most precious gift she could give would be to stay within her means, and I'd rather not have to pay her back for things she buys us? -- NO MORE GIFTS

DEAR NO MORE: If telling your mother to stop giving you gifts has been unsuccessful, you are not going to change her. This is who she is. Accept that. My recommendation would be to continue dealing with this issue as you have, regardless of the inconvenience, and suggest to your mother that, if she is able, she should look for a part-time job so she will have more disposable income.