Dear Helaine: My husband and I have been married for more than 30 years, and he's always handled our bills and finances. I feel terrible that I've allowed this to go on as long as it has. I have never questioned our finances, except to ensure we aren't in crazy debt (more than $5,000), and we are making our bills.

My husband was diagnosed with cancer last year, and since he's started long-term chemo he's developed an issue with clarity. He's also diabetic, and the chemo is causing his blood sugar to go sky high. Because of all this, he's taken temporary disability from his company, and we're going to lose 40% of his salary. We need to figure out how to cut that from our monthly spending without going into debt or touching our hard-earned savings. (We're big on savings -- most of my salary goes toward it. His salary has always paid our mortgage and living expenses.)

These last few years, I've asked for a list of accounts, where our savings and websites are, the passwords -- everything. He keeps saying he'll write it down, but his handwriting is chicken scratch. I wanted everything typed up and easy to read. This hasn't happened. I seriously don't understand the difficulties he's having doing this, and my frustration level is above and beyond high. Please help me figure this out. -- Fed Up With Financial Ignorance

Dear Fed Up: There are two different issues here. I'll take the easy one first. I doubt you need to cut back on living expenses by 40%. This is the moment you've been saving for. While I wouldn't want you to jeopardize your retirement plans, it sounds like you should have enough money set aside to weather this storm.

That brings me to the bigger issue: You really don't know that, do you? Your husband handles everything. You don't know what your assets are, not really. After 30 years, your husband's used to being in control. It doesn't take a lot of imagination to understand why you are getting pushback from him now. Compounding everything: He's ill. Cancer is a scary diagnosis, and no doubt your extremely reasonable request is not just challenging a longtime setup in the marriage, but triggering all his fears about his disease.

My suggestion: Wait till he is rested. Sit down next to him with a laptop or tablet if you have one, or a notepad if you do not. Tell him you need him to dictate everything to you, so that you have the information in case of an emergency. This way you've removed one obstacle -- that he won't do this on his own.

I'm not saying this is going to be a piece of cake. It's not. But you need to persist and cannot take no for an answer. Not only do you have a right to know all this, his medical situation demands you have access to this information. You might add that tax-filing season is approaching, and it sounds to me like he's going to need assistance with it. If his thinking is muddled enough that he's out of work on disability, he must know he needs help.

(To ask Helaine a question, email her at askhelaine@gmail.com.)

(EDITORS: For editorial questions, please contact Sue Roush at sroush@amuniversal.com)

Hi, Helaine: The hubs and I are preparing to refinance our home. In 2005, he was in a near-fatal crash that decimated our finances down to foreclosure and bankruptcy. By 2014, I had our credit score back to the low 700s, and we qualified for an FHA loan as first-time homebuyers since we hadn't owned a home in over seven years.

We bought a home for $220,000 that's now worth $300,000. We now need to pull equity for major plumbing repairs and would like to also get out from under the $250-a-month private mortgage insurance.

My husband is 65 and retired. I'm 60, and good for work for another dozen years. My income is good and stable. We recently bought my husband a secondhand car, but have no other consumer debt. Our credit score is in the mid-700s.

My hope is to get another 30-year loan so we can keep the monthly payment in the same area after the equity pull. We have cash for closing. I plan to get at least three quotes. Any words of wisdom? -- Plumbing for Dollars

Dear Plumbing for Dollars: I'm so sorry this happened to you, and congratulations on your excellent financial recovery. I think this plan is mostly a good one, but I want you to think about a few things.

First, what will you do if your job suddenly goes away? I know I harp on this, but the majority of people over the age of 50 do not leave well-paying jobs of their own volition. They are often shoved, nudged or outright fired. What are your plans if this happens to you? Will you be able to keep up financially? Would you need to relocate -- either to a smaller home, a condo or another region of the country altogether? If that's the case, you might want to contemplate downsizing now, before you spend tens of thousands of dollars on major plumbing work and other upgrades.

Conversely, if you are all but certain you plan to do what the experts call "age in place," you might want to use some of that money to make the changes -- say, a walk-in shower, if you don't have one, and nonslip flooring -- that you will eventually need.

Finally, if you are planning to tap your home equity to get by in retirement, I would not extend the life of the loan. The less interest you pay, the better.

(To ask Helaine a question, email her at askhelaine@gmail.com.)

(EDITORS: For editorial questions, please contact Sue Roush at sroush@amuniversal.com)

Dear Helaine: I need some financial advice. I am 60 years old and, after working for a U.S. embassy as local staff, I migrated to the United States in 2014. Upon separating from the embassy, I received a six-figure severance. I invested about $40,000 toward the purchase of a home in North Carolina, and I am currently left with $145,000 in savings. This is all the savings I have. My wife is now the main breadwinner, and I earn extra money as a substitute teacher. We have no credit card debt. The major monthly liability is the mortgage of $1,600. We have three children. Two are in college and self-supporting. One is in high school. Please advise me on where I can safely invest my savings so I can get a reasonable rate of return. At this stage of life, my appetite for risk is not that great. -- Trying to Stay Afloat in the United States

Dear Trying to Stay Afloat in the United States: Investing a large sum of money can seem overwhelming. As a result, all too many of us can end up making a risky move we don’t view as such: We do nothing. In the period of time you sat on your funds, the S&P 500 -- if you reinvested your dividends -- increased by slightly more than 75 percent. Your risk and loss aversion cost you a tidy sum of money -- but I bet you don’t see it that way. So what should you do now?  Obviously, you can’t go back to 2014 and invest the sum. We can’t change our past behavior. We only live moving forward. I would first counsel that you eliminate the idea of a “safe” investment from your vocabulary. It’s an oxymoron, like jumbo shrimp. Investments offer greater and lesser risks. Experts generally suggest you take the number 100, minus your age from it, and invest the remainder of your funds -- in your case 40 percent -- in the stock market, using a broadly diversified index fund such as a total stock market index fund. That’s an all-encompassing fund, representing the entirety of the domestic stock market. The remainder of the sum should go in a long-term bond fund. Should you do this? Probably, but this is the limit of an advice column -- I don’t actually know you. I don’t know how old your wife is, how much she earns, and what your financial situation will be like when she leaves the full-time workforce. And this is all important stuff, and it would be negligent of me to tell you exactly what to do without knowing all of that. My suggestion? Sit down with a certified financial planner who is paid by the hour and doesn’t earn their keep by selling financial investments that they will receive a commission on. Yes, you’ll need to pay for the service, but it’s money well spent. The Garrett Planning Network, which specializes in working with middle-income people, is a good place to start.

(To ask Helaine a question, email her at askhelaine@gmail.com.)

(EDITORS: For editorial questions, please contact Sue Roush at sroush@amuniversal.com)