DEAR MISS MANNERS: The rudeness and bad manners that members of Congress engage in has gone too far. I do not believe any of those truces will last a week. What we need is a Congressional Etiquette Czar. The Czar would need to be given the power to sanction and fine members of Congress for any lapse in polite exchanges.

I would expect that a complete change in behavior will take time. A penalty and the embarrassment of having their manners called into question may start to alter the current misbehavior.

What do you think? Your country needs you.

GENTLE READER: With gratitude and humility, Miss Manners must confess that she already has a (self-created) job as etiquette czarina of the nation, legislators not excepted. She also notes that the U.S. Congress already has its own particular etiquette rules and enforcers.

So why aren't things working better?

There are two standard answers in regard to legislative rudeness:

First that it has ever been so, an assertion bolstered by examples from history of actual violence among members of Congress. This is true, although it is also true that the general level of business was conducted with more grace, and even hostility was expressed less crudely and more formally.

At any rate, Miss Manners does not believe that bad behavior in the past justifies giving up on improvement.

The second argument precludes any hope for improvement because the members hold strong, basic disagreements. Right. We call that the two-party system of government.

But far from inhibiting declarations and defenses of positions, or, more importantly, the exchanges of ideas necessary to arrive at workable agreements, etiquette is what makes all this possible. When insult and invective is what is exchanged, nothing gets accomplished. That is why parliamentary rules -- the etiquette books of any such bodies -- forbid personal attacks.

So -- how do we stop these if parliamentarians and the presiding officials wielding gavels are unable to do so?

It is called an election, folks.

Miss Manners reminds you that every rude person in Congress was elected to that office. This is why she feels it urgent to point out the fallacy of voters who believe that candidates who refuse to deal politely with their opponents make effective leaders. By showing contempt for those who disagree with them and by declaring a refusal to compromise, such candidates clearly demonstrate their inability to cope with a system that requires respect and cooperation.

Yet Miss Manners understands why those who are elected using that style of campaigning persist in behavior that has proved so successful at the polls. They must have pleased the voters, they figure, because they won. They cannot fail to be puzzled when the constituents who elected them start characterizing them as those rude politicians.

Hence her warning is to the voters: If you don't want badly behaved people in office, do not vote for badly behaved candidates.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Do you still request, in this age of electronic correspondence, that submissions be in black or blue-black ink?

GENTLE READER: Yes, indeed. Yellow, orange, red, and purple fonts look terrible on Miss Manners' monitor.

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: What do you think about Facebook "friends" who post things that no one cares about, like "I took a nap today" or "I woke up feeling grumpy today" or "I got my oil changed today"?

Also, and even more annoying, are people who post lots of pictures and comments about themselves, their kids, their vacations, etc., but never comment on anyone else's posts. Please share a little Facebook etiquette for everyone!

GENTLE READER: What a gift those sites are for bores. If someone came up to you at a party and said, "I got my oil changed today," how long would it be before you had to excuse yourself because you thought you heard your mother calling you?

The good part is that it is easier to escape bores who have not cornered you in person.

Politeness in any form of discourse requires taking into consideration what would interest the listener, which is exactly the element that is missing in bores. It is a particular danger of Internet postings that what might interest one person is not of widespread interest.

Miss Manners is willing to imagine that the oil change would be of interest to someone planning to use the car; the nap would interest someone directly concerned with that person's health or ability to stay up late for festivities that day; and the grumpiness might serve as a warning to keep out of his or her way.

No doubt there are general announcements intended for an entire circle of friends: births, for example, or "I won the lottery." But one has to be totally besotted with someone else to be fascinated by the mundane details of that person's every day life -- as indeed, bores are with themselves. You may be sure that they do not bring this sort of thing up because they want to hear about your oil change.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My grandmother has offered my fiance and me a choice: either a wedding gift of a certain (very generous) value, or a check of equal amount.

I would love to ask her for a basic set of silver for formal entertaining. With the price of silver these days, I don't think there's any other way we're going to get it! My fiance is not sure the check wouldn't be the better option, but while we sort that question out, could you let me know what would be a good "starter set" for silver?

GENTLE READER: What a generous grandmother you have. Checks have a way of disappearing into other needs, but choosing a present -- and presuming that silver is within the budget she suggested -- it will always be a pleasure for you and for her, in that you think of it as "Grandmother's silver."

The basic starter set for table silver differs from what is generally packaged because unless your primary form of entertainment will be giving tea parties, teaspoons are much less useful than larger oval spoons. A truly basic setting would be: large fork and knife for main courses, small fork for salad and dessert, large oval spoon for soup and dessert.

You then have a lifetime ahead of you in which (if you are as crazy as Miss Manners) to collect specialized implements and serving pieces.

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: I apologize in advance if the mere discussion of this topic is itself impolite, but I am nevertheless eager for some guidance on the topic of reading in the bathroom. It seems generally accepted that people read everything from poetry to the daily mail in the bathroom.

Indeed, I imagine some of your gentle readers may be enjoying this very column in that manner. So I will assume, but am prepared to be corrected, that reading in the bathroom is, as a general matter, acceptable.

My specific question is whether it is impolite to bring reading material into a public restroom. For example, when I am at a coffee shop and bring a newspaper into the bathroom, for all to see as I enter and exit. I don't know if that's impolite, but I do know that I feel somewhat sheepish about it, and that I often try to be discreet about what I bring with me. As another example, at work I will sometimes bring a document to the restroom, again feeling somewhat concerned that my co-workers find the conduct to be improper.

Is this impolite? Should I simply kick the habit?

GENTLE READER-- You are asking Miss Manners to break her habit of refusing to deal with bathroom questions. Her general position is that once you close the bathroom door, she does not care to follow you. What you do in there does not concern her, and this includes reading.

But thanks anyway for your vivid picture of her Gentle Readers.

However, this has to do with being on the way to the bathroom and how it affects your colleagues and others, so she supposes she had better tackle it.

It is not the act of reading that may be alarming to those who use the same public bathroom. What acts you perform in private space there are no more their business than Miss Manners'.

It is the appearance of your planning to be there forever, or at least for as long as it takes you to finish "Anna Karenina" or the annual report. Colleagues and strangers may be more reluctant than family members to bang and shout, "Are you going to be in there all day?" Miss Manners therefore recommends sneaking in your reading material and bookmarking it when you hear footsteps.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My stepmother-in-law to-be recently informed me that she intends to wear her own wedding dress to our upcoming nuptials, in the interest of economy. I obligingly smiled and nodded. My fiance's father remarried last autumn, and his bride wore a cocktail length dress with an ivory bodice and metallic skirt; although the dress was probably not designed as a bridal gown, I'm still moderately troubled.

If you could, please impart wisdom as to how I might gently and respectfully resolve this issue.

GENTLE READER: There is no need: Your smiling and nodding has already resolved this issue gently and respectfully.

A bride can properly set the general style of the wedding, but not properly judge everyone's wardrobe choice. Surely you have enough else to do, such as maintaining family harmony. Miss Manners promises you that no one will mistake the bridegroom's stepmother for the bride.

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