DEAR MISS MANNERS: Would you please define for us some guidelines for video chatting? I am especially interested in knowing whether a lady is considered to be in her own home or a guest in somebody else's home. This is very important for determining whether she should be wearing a hat and gloves.

GENTLE READER: May we assume that you have something else on as well? Well, good. These days, Miss Manners does not take that for granted.

It would be silly for you to be dressed to go out when you are being seen at home. The situation is more like that of neighbors leaning out their respective windows, which also means that only the part that shows counts.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I have, on half a dozen occasions over the years, been asked by total strangers (usually salesclerks, etc.): "Are you two brothers?" We are somewhat stymied by how to respond and are seeking your advice.

We look roughly as similar as do any two people of the same race, socioeconomic class and gender -- my husband doesn't look very much at all like my actual brother -- but we do, of course, have a very close rapport, and usually these questions come when we are both smiling and have been enjoying each other's conversation while waiting in line.

Clearly part of the "problem" is our gender: I know many heterosexual couples who look (to my eyes) very similar, but when a man and a woman are traveling together, it is assumed that they are in a romantic relationship (also a problematic assumption).

Then again, my husband and I do wear matching wedding bands, so even when we are traveling in conservative parts of the country, we're not exactly closeted.

In any case, our response so far has been to look at the offending questioner with a slightly perplexed expression (but still a smile) and say, "No." If the conversations were not so brief, or if we had any expectation of interacting with the same person ever again, we might perhaps be moved to say something more, like, "No, we're married."

Does Miss Manners suggest we adopt the latter response as our primary one? Or, perhaps you have an even better answer? "No" usually elicits either, "But you look so similar!" or, "Oh, just friends then?" neither of which is the exchange we're going for.

I am tempted to start accosting opposite-gender pairs on the street and loudly proclaiming, "Are you two brother and sister?" but I have restrained myself.

GENTLE READER: You do so because you acknowledge that all such questions are stupid. Making guesses about people to their faces, whether in regard to relationships, age, ethnicity, pregnancy or anything else, is impertinent, even when the guesses are right, which they seldom seem to be.

As you have noticed, continuing the guessing game by saying "no" offers unnecessary encouragement to nosiness. For that matter, any answer invites more probing, and you are under no obligation to strangers, to whom you can say, "I don't believe we know you." But she sees no other possible objection to your simply stating that you are married.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I enjoy meeting new people, friends of friends and fellow attendees at various events. We are easygoing, genuinely interested in others and adventurous, so we receive many invitations to treks and events that we cannot attend, which we politely decline.

Usually, people get the picture pretty quickly and they turn into solid acquaintances whom we have great, albeit thin, relationships with. This is a good problem to have, and we feel good about these relationships.

However, this has put off a few of these acquaintances, once in a public and pointed diatribe about how we are terrible friends. I know this friend is not wrong, but clearly didn't see our relationship the same way we did.

How do we set the expectations so that these dear people know we value them and like to run into them/meet up at events of common interest, but can't possibly nurture a friendship with them?

As an event or gathering winds up, there are always conversations about repeating the adventure, or at least hanging out again soon. I don't want to end on a sour note by declining friendships or dismissing the very real connections that have been made, but am at a loss for what to say to not build up the expectation that we should immediately pursue a deep friendship.

I feel that Facebook has exacerbated the problem. We don't run a big-tent social life, inviting everyone to everything (we tried it a while back and it became unmanageable, as our friends barely got along and we weren't able to have the deep friendships we need), so I get the feeling that when pictures of a dinner out or a camping weekend are posted, it appears that we are ignoring acquaintances.

Note that we don't expect them to be perfect friends, we don't make demands of acquaintances, and when any of them hit hard times we are there to help with moves, breakups and other important steps in their lives. If they ask if we can do something, we are clear with a yes or a no.

We feel great about the best friends we have (a dozen or so) and nurture them through nearly daily conversations and frequent adventures together. There are plenty of great models for friendships, but too few about how to be a good acquaintance.

GENTLE READER: Indeed, Facebook has done huge damage to the etiquette rule against flaunting social events in sight of people who were not invited.

Especially as your events are small, couldn't you send the pictures only to the participants? Do you really need to tell the rest of the world what a good time you are having?

It is not that Miss Manners disagrees with your distinction between close friends and acquaintances. You would be vastly overextended if you did not set limitations. The polite way to do so is to say: "We seem to be ridiculously overcommitted these days, but do let's keep in touch. We always enjoy running in to you."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Can my 15-year-old granddaughter wear a short cocktail dress to a black-tie wedding?

GENTLE READER: Can you stop her?

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I'm getting married soon, and we are asking for cash as our gift. We are registered at two places for those who are old-fashioned. We have a sweet poem that is nice for asking for cash. We just don't know how to tell people we are also registered but would prefer cash.

We would like to put the poem first, then say we're registered for those who don't want to give cash. Please help. :)

GENTLE READER: In a word: No. Miss Manners has stated time and time again that she does not give instruction on how to exploit one's guests.

She is not pausing over your letter to congratulate you on being the millionth Gentle Reader to ask anyway. It is that touch of putting your extortion hopes into a poem that haunts her. You have not favored her with a glance at it, so she can only guess that it is:

"Roses are red

"Violets are blue,

"To pay our expenses

"We have targeted you."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: For 35 years we have celebrated Thanksgiving and Easter with close friends and their families. For some reason, starting last Easter, they don't want to share holidays with us. They don't go to anyone else's house. Actually, that would be easier to take.

I am very hurt by this. I have no idea what has happened. I feel we are owed an explanation. If a man said this to a long-term girlfriend, she would assume he doesn't want to see her anymore.

A recent email just said they are eating with their daughter and son-in-law at their retirement-home restaurant and that it would be a "different dinner for us all."

I don't know what that means, so I didn't respond. We still see them regularly and they act normally, so this is a puzzle. I know I should take the high road and just ignore this. But as time goes on, I get more and more hurt and angry, and I fear that I can't just put it behind me and I might cry when I am with them.

Is there any way that I can convey how hurt I am and find out if there is something that we have done (unclean kitchen?) that I can apologize for? If they totally cut us off, it would make more sense. But in this case, it is a very specific event. What should I do?

GENTLE READER: You should let it go and have a jolly Thanksgiving, perhaps with other friends. And you should continue, on the other days of the year, to enjoy the friendships you have always had.

Mostly, Miss Manners suggests that you stop comparing friendships to romances. Friendships are not exclusive, and it is therefore not disloyal to make other commitments. These people have not dropped you. They, or their daughter and son-in-law, could have wanted to change for any number of reasons not having to do with you.

But if your kitchen is unclean, for heaven's sake, clean it anyway.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)