DEAR MISS MANNERS: We hosted a dinner for a female friend of ours, and after dessert we retired to the family room to watch a one-hour episode of a top-rated program. Our guest wasn't interested in the show and proceeded to take out her phone and check email, or something.

I found this to be very rude. I thanked her for coming and switched off the TV as she departed.

Am I crazy, or has folks' behavior become so phone-obsessed that they find it virtually impossible to break free of the darn thing?

GENTLE READER: Have you considered the possibility that you are so television-obsessed that you find it virtually impossible to break free of the darn thing?

Miss Manners is inundated with complaints about guests who use their telephones to talk, text or check email during social events, and has never before failed to condemn this rude practice. To prefer doing this to conversing with those who are present is startlingly rude.

But you started with the electronics, without warning and without consulting your guest's taste. You left her to amuse herself, and she did.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I'm going to be 52 by the time my wedding comes up next month. After my last divorce, No. 2, I went back to my maiden name. Now that I'm getting remarried, I've been thinking of keeping my maiden name and adding it to my new husband's.

He says it doesn't matter either way to him, but I'm curious what's the right thing to do. I know the hassles there are to changing everything I have to change, and of course, even hyphenating is going to create this same issue.

I'm not sure if I would have to use the hyphenated name on everything, or if I can pick and choose which name to use at a particular time. I've tried to research online about it, but came up with nothing. Can you help me, please?

GENTLE READER: Well, somewhat -- just not to the extent of making a definitive declaration of what your name should be. Any hope of maintaining a standard naming system was long ago superseded by individuals (let's face it, ladies) asserting their claim to be addressed as they wish.

So now everyone is happy, yes?

No. Everyone is angry that others may be unaware of her choice, and actively disapproving of others' choices.

You see why etiquette stepped back from the fray. Maiden name, married name, hyphenated name -- etiquette does not object to any of them. Miss Manners also recognizes the convenience of using more than one name, for example, using your maiden name professionally, especially if you have established a reputation under it, and using your married name socially, so as to keep your private life apart from your professional life. That would not even require all those official changes.

But she will warn that you will not be able to get on an airplane unless you remember which name matches your documents.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My son's wedding reception will be themed around a politically charged topic on which I hold the opposite view from him. Should good manners preclude having issues, even heartfelt ones, involved in an unrelated celebration to which people of a variety of viewpoints are being invited?

Am I obliged to attend an event in support of my son where my silence may be taken as approval of something I disagree with? How can I tell him that this puts me, and other guests, in an awkward position?

GENTLE READER: You are quite right that the only proper "theme" of a wedding reception is a celebration of the marriage that has just taken place. Considering it an opportunity to enlist guests in a Save the Mosquitoes drive is, indeed, tasteless.

However, refusal to attend your own child's wedding festivities is such a serious public statement, with long-lasting consequences, that Miss Manners supposes you must be violently opposed to his cause.

Is it possible that you only mean to say that your son is marrying a gentleman? In that case, we call it a wedding, not a politically themed rally. Your presence would not constitute a vote for same-sex marriage, but your absence would be an extreme rejection of your son.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I'm hoping you can provide some guidance for professional waiters who serve disabled guests in high-end bistros.

I work as a waiter in such, and served a family of four that included a mother, father, daughter and a disabled son. All were grown adults, including the disabled son who was physically impaired and unable to talk. He needed help walking and eating.

Each time I went to the table, the disabled son smiled at me and lifted his arms in an attempt to "shake hands." I talked to the son as I would any other guest. I know he could hear me because when I offered him items such as chocolate milk and pasta, he smiled and waved his hands as if to say, "Yes, sir, I would very much like these items."

Yet in the end, his father spoke for him and placed his dinner order. At the end of the meal, the father thanked me for talking to, and not ignoring, his son.

Did I do the right thing? What is the proper etiquette in this situation?

GENTLE READER: The proper etiquette in any situation is to treat human beings with dignity, which is what you did. Sadly, many people do not, which, Miss Manners surmises, is what made the father particularly grateful.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How does one politely chastise an attendee at a social event who has not RSVPed as requested on the invitation?

Perhaps "chastise" is too strong a word, and I certainly don't want to interrupt my own event with scolding, but this is an increasing problem that I feel should be addressed -- in a polite way, of course.

GENTLE READER: Certainly guests should never be scolded; they should be greeted with enthusiastic hospitality. In this case, Miss Manners suggests exclaiming: "What an unexpected pleasure! When you didn't answer my invitation, I figured it could only be because you were away."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My daughter-law washes sheets and towels every day. We do that washing once a week, primarily to save time and money.

Her rationale is that if hotels do it daily, it must be the proper thing to do. What is proper for guests as well as for your immediate family?

GENTLE READER: Ordinarily, Miss Manners would caution you against learning manners from commercial establishments. Even the best hotels and restaurants operate under different circumstances from private households. She trusts that you don't announce checkout time to your guests, although many hosts wish they could.

Only the most elaborate households, with full-time laundresses, make daily changes. Hotels do, but then, they also change the people who sleep in them more often than you probably do.

However, many hotels have now started asking their guests to let them know if they require that service. It would be unseemly for you to do it in the same fashion, leaving a printed request that your guests help you save the environment, but, if you feel it necessary, you could stick with your once-a-week (or once every new guest) routine and yet say, "There are fresh linens in the hall closet if you want them."

As your daughter-in-law is willing to do the washing, one cannot fault her for indulging her fastidiousness. However, she has no business declaring that it is the proper thing to do.

Miss Manners does not make bed checks.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: This has happened twice to us (a married couple), and the last episode has me truly frustrated. We were invited to a potluck-style "celebration of friends and family" and attended, bringing a homemade offering, drink and a custom gift for the hostess.

The event was poorly planned, several hours passed before dinner was announced, and though we politely waited for the guests to attend their children first, we were unable to get into the queue because standing guests crowded around the table while eating. By the time we did find space at the serving table, there were no dishes left.

We decided it best to leave and find dinner at a local restaurant. The hostess complained because we were leaving early. How does one respond?

GENTLE READER: You people don't have sharp elbows, Miss Manners surmises. But surely you could have made your way through by saying with a smile, "Excuse me, please, I'm trying to get a plate."

And you could have gotten out the door by saying how terribly sorry you were to have to tear yourself away, without mentioning why. A pitiful look would have suggested illness, and, after all, it is true that your stomach was bothering you.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it improper to drink soup right from the bowl, as opposed to using a spoon? This is a rather controversial question in our house.

GENTLE READER: Then Miss Manners hopes to make everyone happy with the answer.

Yes, it is improper to drink soup from a bowl. However, it is permitted to drink soup from a two-handled soup cup.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)