DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a genuine fascination with cultures and religions that are not my own. I know it is incredibly rude to pester people about this, so I usually find answers to my questions online or in books.

However, a somewhat close friend of mine shared a mutual curiosity about religion, and we had an interesting conversation about our (very different) faiths. Curious about the concept of hell, I asked her, "If I was a good person all my life, a kind, giving, completely unselfish person, yet someone who believes differently, would I go to hell?"

She told me in no uncertain terms that I would. Was this rude of her? Logically, I know I asked for it. But it felt as though she was telling me I was going to hell for having a different religion.

Should I be offended? Must I avoid the topic of religion at all times in the future? I know that it is a largely personal and inflammatory topic, but I am eager to have open and honest conversations about it. Is this impossible?

GENTLE READER: You should not expect salvation from Miss Manners.

You committed a social sin by pulling a conversational bait-and-switch on your friend. Having proposed a theological discussion, you appeared to be using yourself merely as stand-in for anyone of your views. Then you turned around and took her answer personally.

What was she supposed to say? "Well, yes, most people of your faith will go to hell, but you're so good that I'm sure God will make an exception for you"?

So yes, open and honest conversations are impossible if you expect to weigh information to make sure that it is flattering.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Our family attended a wedding reception where each table had a centerpiece and an envelope asking the wedding guests to contribute toward the young couple's life together by purchasing the centerpiece. A price tag was attached.

I'm not sure I can take it anymore. We have paid to dance with the bride and groom, waited hours for the wedding party to arrive after a 4:30 p.m. ceremony, only to be served nothing but cheese cubes and chicken wings when they finally showed up, but this one just takes the cake.

I truly wish all of these young people well, and I assume now that our children are older, we will start being invited to more weddings. Is there any way to stop this madness, or should I just send them a card with an appropriate monetary gift and make myself a nice supper instead of attending?

GENTLE READER: For decades now, Miss Manners has been trying to make the point that using weddings as fundraisers is monstrously vulgar. Your experience shows how uphill a fight that is.

You should certainly send your best wishes to anyone who invites you to a wedding. But if you suspect fundraising activity -- wish lists are a pretty good indication -- you should respond as you would to any charitable event: Go or not as you wish, with no contribution required if you decline.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was quite taken aback yesterday at our monthly book group meeting when one of the members suggested that I absolutely must sign up for Facebook if I wanted to keep in touch with friends.

She pointedly noted that she knew all about a mutual friend, whose impending trip I was poised to inform her about. It seems she knows all about the trip, the various nephews and nieces, the new grandbaby and so forth -- more about this person than I, who am presumably closer, knew. I felt quite deflated.

I also realized that I had not heard from the speaker herself for some time. Evidently she practices what she preaches and attends only to Facebook, not email, phone or the like.

I am able to use email, the phone, and enjoy Internet searching. Must I also add Facebook?

This book group has known each other for 20 years or more. Most of us are into our 60s and 70s. I understand many enjoy Facebook with their kids and grandkids. But I am among those without grandchildren and have felt no need for Facebook, even to look at other people's grandchildren.

Her comment makes me wonder. Is it now necessary to make oneself available through Facebook? Is it appropriate etiquette to inform someone that you will not acknowledge her if she is not on Facebook?

Frankly, I will not be joining Facebook, but I am disturbed that this seems to mean the end of any contact with this woman, and perhaps others who prefer Facebook contact. Have you any thoughts on this new wrinkle in etiquette?

GENTLE READER: Ah, how quickly a convenience turns into a command.

Apparently there are a great many people whose social circles are so vast that they cannot keep in touch with their friends individually, but must resort to mass postings to meet the demand for ongoing news of their lives. So Miss Manners can understand that it is convenient for them to reach everyone at once. They probably used to have to pack it all into those "Hi, Everybody!" Christmas letters.

She also recognizes that normal people might occasionally need to do so -- for example, issuing medical bulletins when dealing with a crisis and unable to handle the calls of concern. In fact, she is puzzled that people still send out individual paper graduation announcements. (Yes, yes, she can guess why.)

But none of this should be mistaken for being in touch with people. The lady who complained is indeed signing off on the friendship. However, the mutual friend seems to be in touch, even if she has not told you every last detail.

But why do you need to hear every last detail? Miss Manners would think that rather than feeling deflated, you would be relieved to have your friends tell you specifically about what they think will interest you.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I use a small dessert spoon for ice cream and a tablespoon/larger spoon for cereal. My husband uses the reverse sizes, and it makes me crazy. Who is correct?

GENTLE READER: Actually, those big oval spoons are dessert and/or cereal spoons, the tiny distinction between them no longer being made. So if Miss Manners may confiscate those little spoons that are meant to stir tea (hint: they're called teaspoons), you would both be right.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the proper etiquette for an individual on the receiving end of a standing ovation?

The case in point was not a performance, but rather a time of recognition for an individual at a board meeting of about 30 people. All participants were seated, while the individual was recognized for lengthy service to the organization. At the end of the spoken recognition, the individual was given a standing ovation.

The recipient of the ovation remained seated while all others present stood and applauded, then, while still seated, thanked the group, at which point the rest of the group sat down.

Should the recipient have stood at some point to acknowledge the ovation, or was it proper to remain seated until the ovation ended and the rest of the group took their seats?

GENTLE READER: The recipient's job is to look bashfully pleased. This can be done from a sitting position, by first raising the head to show a huge smile, and then dropping it to the chin to show humility. (Note: Miss Manners does not advise declaring that one has been humbled by all that honor. Everyone does say that, but no one seems capable of doing so without a smirk.)

Standing up and spreading one's arms while murmuring "Thank you, thank you" can be charming, but it requires some drama to bring it off without looking as if one has won the Triple Crown. For the truly bashful, remaining seated may be the wiser choice.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I were invited to a neighbor's son's graduation party. These folks have hosted numerous wonderful and generous get-togethers this past year, so I assumed when I RSVP'd saying that we would be attending, that this might be another occasion where each neighbor contributed some food or beverage item. I inquired what I might bring.

The response took me completely off guard, and I was, and am, at a loss for how to politely respond. I was told, "Oh, you needn't bring a dessert. This is a graduation gift shower. As long as you show up with a gift, that will be sufficient."

I am torn. Had I not just said we would be coming, I'd likely have found a graceful way to decline such an offer, but had already given my word. I also think I likely would have spent a comparable amount on a food item to contribute had that been expressed as the desire of the hostess. But somehow, being left with a "gimme" has left me not wanting to give.

I assume I need to go because I already RSVP'd that I would. Is it appropriate to show up without a gift and say something like, "Oh, I assumed you were joking!" when asked for it? Or should I just bite my tongue and obediently show up with said gift but make a note to be more cautious in the future?

GENTLE READER: This is clearly a pay-to-enter occasion. Evidently, your neighbors believe that all their parties are. They apparently counted those dishes, which you thought of as neighborly contributions, as being the price of admission, which they are now waiving as long as you contribute to their son.

Miss Manners agrees that having accepted the invitation, you are stuck. But the next time you invite them and they ask what to bring, say, "No, no, we don't accept contributions; just come."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)