DEAR MISS MANNERS: Leg room on airplanes continues to get smaller, and, being tall, I find the seats already fairly uncomfortable. I upgrade into either exit rows or business class whenever possible, but sometimes they're not available.

So how do I deal with the person who insists on reclining the seat fully?

Last night, the person in front of me proceeded to recline her seat into my legs. While I was trying not to, I did manage to kick her seat a fair number of times while I continued to adjust my legs in an effort to find some slightly more comfortable way to sit. It was downright painful for me (in addition to simply being tall, I've also had knee surgery).

At those points, she turned around and gave me dirty looks. I wanted to suggest that I wouldn't be hitting her seat if she didn't put it back, but bit my tongue. What's a girl to do?

GENTLE READER: She's to understand that other girls are also trying to find some comfort during their flight. As you well know, airplane seats have little range, so can you blame a girl for extending hers to its (pathetic) fullest?

Upon your first inadvertent kick, Miss Manners expects you to apologize profusely and explain your knee situation (tallness is not as sympathetic an excuse). Then ask politely if it might be possible for her to raise her seat a bit, or to change seats with you. Confronting the problem head on -- or foot on, as the case may be -- is a better solution than a kicking contest or even seething in silence.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: If my father is deceased, who is supposed to walk me down the aisle at my wedding?

GENTLE READER: Your mother, of course, as widows traditionally did for their daughters. Miss Manners finds it peculiar when people misunderstand the symbolism of this custom to the extent of believing that the qualification for giving a bride away is gender, rather than heading the household that reared her.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My sister-in-law insists on placing her 8-year-old granddaughter on the phone without warning, sometimes even allowing her to make the initial phone call. We love her little granddaughter to pieces, and she is even our goddaughter.

The problem is that Sis sets little Angel up for a disappointment each time, with a request to do something together immediately without any planning. It always puts us on the spot, and most of the time we will drop what we are doing and comply.

This has been going on for several years, and lately has become a major inconvenience. She did this even before the child was talking plainly.

What is the proper etiquette, and how can it be communicated without hurting feelings? We think the adult should call first, make the request and have the answer first, before deciding to give the child the phone.

GENTLE READER: It is not your duty to drop everything and agree to every spontaneous invitation, even ones issued by an adorable 8-year-old.

"I'm afraid that now is not a good time, but have your grandmother call us back and we can set something up soon" is absolutely reasonable. If your sister-in-law then has to deal with a disappointed granddaughter, she has only herself to blame.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: If I'm asked to wait in an office setting, or while waiting in someone's home, is it rude of me to get up and look at paintings on the wall or book spines on a bookshelf (not touching or opening the books) in the room where I was instructed to wait?

GENTLE READER: If you have had the opportunity to take the public tour of the receiving rooms of a king or visited an elected official, you may have discerned a pattern in the decoration.

There is a definite bias toward displays that flatter the owner. Whether the state treasury could spring for Berninis and Michelangelos, or had to settle for maps showing territorial boundaries of dubious legality, it was the owner's fondest hope that his guests, subjects or clients would look around.

Miss Manners has no objection, even if the means of modern hosts limit displays to the books they have read, the schools they have attended or the celebrities with whom they have been photographed. She would, however, refrain from pointing out that the Tintoretto is a fake.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: And so it begins: the politics of who comes to Thanksgiving dinner.

One won't come unless her dog can come too. One will not come if so-and-so comes. One will not come unless another apologizes for XYZ that was said a few years ago.

Then there is the one who has now become vegan and will not come if any animals are on the menu. And one who has finally gotten sober but will not come unless there is no liquor whatsoever.

Last year, my husband went more than 30 miles to fetch my mother and invalid brother. When they saw that my husband's adult daughter, whom few folks care to be around, was with him, they decided to not attend.

The dishes they were to bring stayed with them, too. My nephew, who had been estranged for several years, was going to be there, yet decided that avoiding my stepdaughter outweighed this significant event. Before my husband got home, they were on the phone trying to get others not to come either.

Another couple stayed away since they were not going to be "allowed" to exhibit bodily functions at my home, much less at the dinner table.

Yes, I expect good behavior. I set a beautiful table. Not one dish on it is other than made from old family recipes and completely from scratch.

Last year I made nice to all; I put on a hostess face and served a lovely, generous meal. The table conversation was pleasant. I did not speak poorly of anyone, nor did I allow anyone else to do so.

This year I am extending invitations, and who wants to come may come. I am not begging, nor am I asking, anyone else to meet the terms of another. If they come, they come. What else can I do?

GENTLE READER: You can do no more than to invite your relatives, leave it up to them whether or not they will attend, and maintain a pleasant atmosphere. And give thanks that disgruntled people, especially those who wish to exhibit bodily functions -- Miss Manners does not want that explained -- will be absent.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I have divergent interests, and I often attend events such as the ballet on my own. I enjoy getting to know people during the intermissions, but occasionally the conversation has taken a bad turn.

Occasionally, if I am speaking with a married couple, one or the other will intone, when they find out that I am married, that I should have taken my husband hostage and forced him to attend the event with me.

I need to know if I was the one in the wrong the last time, when the couple I was talking to said outright, "Why didn't you force your husband to come with you?" I replied, "Because it's just not his thing."

The wife responded, "He must not love you like my husband loves me. George hates the ballet, but here he is!"

I was insulted, and I simply begged off by saying, "It was very nice to meet you. I must get a drink before intermission ends. Have a good time." I didn't acknowledge the wife's comment. As I walked away, I overheard the wife say, "Well, that was rude!" (It certainly was -- on her end!) I was taken aback.

Should I have handled the situation differently? Was I being rude? I felt I was being gracious by not engaging in debate or defending my husband's honor over such a rude comment. Your thoughts?

GENTLE READER: That you must love your husband more than this lady loves George. And that you showed admirable restraint in not saying so.

Furthermore, Miss Manners assures you that the etiquette judgment of someone who accuses strangers of being unloved is not worth considering.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I won't be having my holiday dinner parties this year. And this makes me sad.

It seems as though everyone has become a special-needs person when it comes to being a dinner guest. Every dish is questioned as to content and nutritional value. "That is so bad for you," and, "I couldn't eat that; it's not on my (Diet of the Month)."

One has always thought that a polite decline of any dish was enough. But some have to go into long explanations of why they couldn't possibly eat something so horrible.

I cook with love and care, and only wish to entertain with delicious, nutritious food, to be a gracious host, and certainly not to endanger the lives of my guests. Has passively insulting one's host become the norm? I hope not.

GENTLE READER: Indeed, hospitality has suffered greatly from the all-too-prevalent habit of food fussing. Miss Manners hates to think of your abandoning your holiday dinners, but she thoroughly understands why you would not be thankful to entertain a table full of childish ingrates.

Should you reconsider, she recommends your citing an old rule of etiquette that you will have trouble believing ever existed. So will any guests you might relent enough to entertain, which is why you can cite it as a curiosity that it would be fun to try.

That is a complete ban on talking about food at the table. And "complete" means that even compliments are not allowed. That part was abandoned to acknowledge the hosts' efforts when the middle class no longer employed cooks. Eventually, the rule was forgotten entirely, opening the way for complaints. We badly need that ban back. Appreciative guests can praise the food in their letters of thanks.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)