DEAR MISS MANNERS: I like to be shirtless, but my girlfriend insists that when people are around I put on a shirt. I do not have an offensive body, so that's not the issue. She says it's respect. Who's right?

GENTLE READER: She is. Clearly you are offensive, because you are offending a lady who presumably likes you. Miss Manners doubts that you can expect more appreciation from others.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: The invitation to a baby shower for my niece asked me to please not wrap the gift, and to please not put a tag on it, as the Mommy-to-be did not want to know who the gift was from. It also went on to ask me to please not buy a card, but to buy a book instead.

I thought all of these requests were quite rude, especially the one of not putting a tag on the gift. I took the time to knit this baby a blanket and would like the baby (and the parents) to know that it came from me, the baby's great-aunt. What are your thoughts on this?

GENTLE READER: That Mommy-to-be has cunningly planned yet another rudeness, as without identifying tags on the presents, she will be unable to write letters of thanks. Miss Manners is tempted to point out that without tags, Mommy-to-be will also not know if you opt out -- either by violating another of her many rules, or by omitting a present entirely. But she supposes that Mommy will also be standing at the door when you arrive, sizing up the loot.

If you expect this to be the case, you might mail the gift in advance, accompanied by a handwritten note. If your niece has the temerity to complain, you can look slightly hurt and say that surely Grandniece-to-be would want to know how much Great-Auntie-to-be loves her.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I was married to my first husband, I prepared the Thanksgiving meal for a crowd of 25-plus family and friends, and my then-mother-in-law would always announce, right when we were all sitting down to eat, that she wanted leftovers.

I found this to be really annoying and rude, as it was almost as if she was intimating to everyone not to eat a lot so she could have another meal. I always told her if I had to give leftovers to her, I had to give them to everyone, not to mention the fact that I always cooked a large turkey so I could have leftovers. She is now my ex-mother-in-law.

GENTLE READER: And you are both thankful to be rid of the relationship, Miss Manners gathers. Had you been willing to put up with the lady in the interests of continuing the marriage, you could have anticipated this admittedly rude order by saying quietly, before the meal, that you had prepared something for her to take home.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Since I am better able to afford an engagement ring than my boyfriend, would it be all right for me to buy myself my own ring? And since he does not approve of that idea, would it be all right for me to help pay for it?

GENTLE READER: Does the gentleman approve of becoming engaged?

Miss Manners suggests settling that point first. But even if you have not conjured this entire idea by yourself, Miss Manners warns you that the symbolism of an engagement ring of which one party disapproves is not good.

You do know, don't you, that it is possible to become engaged without a ring? You can also buy yourself whatever jewelry you want and can afford. But to buy yourself a ring and pass it off as a sentimental pledge from someone who had nothing to do with it suggests, symbolically, that you can do quite nicely without him.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I hope to find a way to gracefully decline repeated attempts by my sister at getting me to attend all of my 15-year-old nephew's football games.

I previously attended three or four of his games in the three years since he began playing peewee ball, as a sign of support for his decision to get active and healthy and enjoy a team sport. It has truly made him a more polite and engaging young man, and I am pleased to offer support to that.

However, these games are an hour-and-a-half trip for me to attend, and well, frankly, I have a life of my own, other obligations/interests/hobbies and a home to maintain, in addition to working full time.

Additionally, my sister and her husband obsess over their son's football games to the point where you cannot have a conversation with them that does not get immediately turned around to their son's football or the latest gossip from the other football parents (who is cheating on whom, etc). Their obsession has reached a point where they go straight home after a game and watch the video of it over and over again.

My sister is extremely sensitive and historically takes any declined offer as a personal affront. I must find a way to be delicate with her feelings, but at the same time let her know I just do not hold the same interest in a 15-year-old's playing football as she does, and that I feel it has passed beyond normalcy.

GENTLE READER: Yes -- a good while back, Miss Manners would think.

Perhaps your nephew is more mature than his parents. Even if not, he probably feels he has enough embarrassing relatives in the stands.

Miss Manners suggests confessing to him that while you are proud of his prowess, you are not much of a football fan, but would like to find another activity that you can enjoy with him. Then, with him present, you can tell your sister, "I won't be going to the game, but the next weekend, when he's free, I'm taking him to dinner and a play."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Leg room on airplanes continues to get smaller, and, being tall, I find the seats already fairly uncomfortable. I upgrade into either exit rows or business class whenever possible, but sometimes they're not available.

So how do I deal with the person who insists on reclining the seat fully?

Last night, the person in front of me proceeded to recline her seat into my legs. While I was trying not to, I did manage to kick her seat a fair number of times while I continued to adjust my legs in an effort to find some slightly more comfortable way to sit. It was downright painful for me (in addition to simply being tall, I've also had knee surgery).

At those points, she turned around and gave me dirty looks. I wanted to suggest that I wouldn't be hitting her seat if she didn't put it back, but bit my tongue. What's a girl to do?

GENTLE READER: She's to understand that other girls are also trying to find some comfort during their flight. As you well know, airplane seats have little range, so can you blame a girl for extending hers to its (pathetic) fullest?

Upon your first inadvertent kick, Miss Manners expects you to apologize profusely and explain your knee situation (tallness is not as sympathetic an excuse). Then ask politely if it might be possible for her to raise her seat a bit, or to change seats with you. Confronting the problem head on -- or foot on, as the case may be -- is a better solution than a kicking contest or even seething in silence.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: If my father is deceased, who is supposed to walk me down the aisle at my wedding?

GENTLE READER: Your mother, of course, as widows traditionally did for their daughters. Miss Manners finds it peculiar when people misunderstand the symbolism of this custom to the extent of believing that the qualification for giving a bride away is gender, rather than heading the household that reared her.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My sister-in-law insists on placing her 8-year-old granddaughter on the phone without warning, sometimes even allowing her to make the initial phone call. We love her little granddaughter to pieces, and she is even our goddaughter.

The problem is that Sis sets little Angel up for a disappointment each time, with a request to do something together immediately without any planning. It always puts us on the spot, and most of the time we will drop what we are doing and comply.

This has been going on for several years, and lately has become a major inconvenience. She did this even before the child was talking plainly.

What is the proper etiquette, and how can it be communicated without hurting feelings? We think the adult should call first, make the request and have the answer first, before deciding to give the child the phone.

GENTLE READER: It is not your duty to drop everything and agree to every spontaneous invitation, even ones issued by an adorable 8-year-old.

"I'm afraid that now is not a good time, but have your grandmother call us back and we can set something up soon" is absolutely reasonable. If your sister-in-law then has to deal with a disappointed granddaughter, she has only herself to blame.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)