DEAR MISS MANNERS: It's long been explained that hats were worn as protection from the sun in times when people spent a great more time outdoors. This makes sense.

And there is ample evidence of this, as in the discontinuance of hat-wearing by a majority of us who spend most of our waking hours indoors protected from the sun by shelter, while those who spend a great deal of time outdoors as part of their jobs continue to wear hats while outside.

Could it be that hats were not worn indoors because there is no direct sunlight, and thus no need?

GENTLE READER: Sun, rain, garbage, oncoming traffic, oncoming athletes, bad hair, no hair -- Miss Manners can think of all kinds of reasons to wear head-coverings, quite aside from the main one, which is that they can look rather fetching.

But in many, perhaps most, cultures (Miss Manners hasn't counted), head-coverings are highly symbolic. The specific rules as to who is entitled to wear what, and when and where hats are required to be worn or to be removed, differ among nationalities and religions, and between the genders.

Symbols being, by definition, arbitrary, they do not meet your standard of making practical sense. But one should not underestimate their emotional power. Failing to cover or uncover the head, according to the particular customs, can be interpreted as a deliberate sign of disrespect, with resulting consequences.

And yes, that applies to baseball caps.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I both had pretty horrible childhoods. As a result, we limit our interaction with the relatives that were implicated in those situations.

Unfortunately, that is difficult in regards to his sisters and their families. They and their offspring tend to be constantly involved in some sort of drama, i.e., multiple husbands/boyfriends who all turn out to be alcoholic/abusive; difficulty holding on to jobs and places to live; never having enough money to survive on ... the list goes on and on. Even though they are always broke, they somehow have the money to go shopping, gamble, have brand-new phones and a steady supply of cigarettes and alcohol.

They are constantly begging us to send them money or let them move in with us! Every one of them dropped out of high school to have kids and still can't understand why they are unable to find decent jobs.

My husband and I have worked very hard and we both have stable jobs. While we are by no means rich, we sacrifice so that we are able to save a little. We have simply been ignoring their texts, phone calls and messages for years, but they just don't stop! It's practically reached the point of harassment. How do we make them stop without coming off as horrible people?

GENTLE READER: They already think you are horrible people because you don't support them, so Miss Manners suggests you stop having misgivings about ignoring them.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I did quite a bit of work for a group I belong to, and the organizers of the event wanted to thank me by taking me to lunch.

I don't like eating in restaurants and never have, and if someone is trying to thank me, that's the last thing they should do. I declined and explained why.

I was told by someone else that this was unkind of me. This has happened before, and I find myself at a loss as to what to do.

Should I accept a thank-you that is uncomfortable for me, or should I continue to explain that a nice note in the mail would be perfectly acceptable? A box of chocolates is always nice, too.

GENTLE READER: And if they gave you chocolates, how could they be assured that you wouldn't give them a lecture on why you don't like eating chocolates and never have? You don't have to accept the restaurant invitation. You may politely decline. But, Miss Manners begs of you, spare the group your reasoning -- or helpful suggestions of what they could give you instead.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the protocol when you receive a formal notice of someone buying and living in a new home?

GENTLE READER: You are supposed to check your contacts list, get out your address book and change the address you have for that person. Miss Manners can relieve you of the fear that you are obliged to help furnish that residence.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have small children who are frequently given gifts from family members, some of which we don't feel appropriate for a child (toy weapons or revealing clothing for little girls, for example).

The givers fall into two categories: those who give the items because they say they know we will not purchase them for our children, and those who simply don't have the same point of view as we do about parenting.

At the moment it is possible for us to write a thank-you note stating that we are so touched that the person loves our children and has thought of them, and then put the gift away. However, this will get more difficult as the children get older and become aware of us withholding these gifts.

I wouldn't think of trying to tell people they should buy the children specific things, as of course gifts should never be expected, but I am at a loss of what to do. I worry that someday they will find out that we take the gifts away and be hurt.

DEAR GENTLE READER: Once your children have reached the age of awareness, you can't reasonably take away presents that they were witness to being given. It is, however, well within your parental rights to mandate where and how the undesirables may be worn or played with (i.e., only behind closed doors).

Even if you could police your friends, monitor the exchange or remove the presents entirely, Miss Manners warns you against it. If your children really want them, they will find a way to procure the coveted objects eventually anyway. Wouldn't you rather they do it under your guidance and jurisdiction?

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is there a courteous way to impose a limit on, well, courtesy? I was disembarking from the rear door of a bus when an elderly gentleman immediately in front of me had trouble pushing the door open. I reached over and assisted him, and then exited myself.

I held the door for the person behind me, so as not to let it slam in his face, assuming that he would take the door from me. He didn't. Neither did the four people behind him, who ranged in age from adolescent to elderly.

Eventually, a couple struggling with two strollers disembarked, the last of the departing riders, and I felt that I shouldn't release the door, and so I didn't.

Was there a point at which I could have relinquished my job as door person pro tem without being discourteous.

GENTLE READER: Your services were offered graciously, if unintentionally, and Miss Manners is pleased to return the courtesy by solving your problem, though not by herself relieving you of the door.

Wait for a person who can be expected to hold a door, and take a half step in front of him before he comes through. The movement will bring him up short, at which point you can catch his eye and then slowly release the door, eventually letting go.

This maneuver must be so executed as not to leave anyone lying prone on the sidewalk, and it is meant for the extreme situation you describe -- not to punish a lone, lazy teenager who slips through after Miss Manners.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How can you politely say "no" when a person gives you a book to read that you have no interest in reading?

GENTLE READER: "Thank you so much. I cannot wait to get to it."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Am I lacking in the manners department if I do not always buy birthday gifts for my friends?

I had a friend who was very offended when I did not get her a gift for her birthday, and who made sure to remind me about the gifts she had given me on my "special day." We are in our mid-20s.

While I think it is a very nice gesture to give gifts to people close to you, and I make sure to show appreciation if I am given a gift, I did not think it was a required activity. I have given her gifts in the past, but never made it a regular tradition. Perhaps I should have, since she gave me a birthday gift.

Am I on the wrong side of this? At what point, if any, should adults stop expecting other people to buy them gifts?

GENTLE READER: Immediately. There is no excuse for demanding presents for oneself.

However, with some exceptions, present-giving should be a roughly even exchange. It should not be confused with philanthropy, which is one-sided and highly admirable, but unrelated to the offering of symbols of fondness among relatives and friends.

By roughly equivalent, Miss Manners is not referring to immediate reciprocation, nor to the monetary value. It merely means giving something of equal thoughtfulness when the occasion presents itself.

If you are not prepared to do this -- and indeed, it can easily become burdensome -- you owe it to your friend to tell her that much as you have appreciated her presents, you cannot keep accepting them and would prefer an agreement to acknowledge each other's birthdays with good wishes.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)