DEAR MISS MANNERS: I own a home with my boyfriend of six years, and I love entertaining. Mostly, this consists of family parties; his family lives nearby, mine a bit further. We all get along very well.

However, I am repeatedly chagrined by his family's use of our entire house during get-togethers. I want guests in my home to feel relaxed -- but certain members of his family always seem to find their way into areas of the house where I don't feel they should be: the bedroom, my art studio, my office, the guest room where a member of my family is currently staying (unaccompanied by said guest), none of which are located on the ground floor of the house. Most often, it's his middle-school-age nieces, but occasionally his siblings as well.

Maybe it's just me, but I feel that it's not appropriate to enter someone's bedroom uninvited, and there are certain boundaries to be respected when someone invites you into their home. My office contains sensitive documents, and my studio, expensive supplies and equipment.

I have appealed to my boyfriend to help me keep everyone in the common areas, but he's less than vigilant with the follow-through.

I am in the habit of reminding his nieces when they arrive to please stay downstairs with everyone else -- and generally try to say this within earshot of the other adults -- but it seems I'm wasting my breath. The last time I found the nieces and one of my boyfriend's siblings in my office, the sister told me it was OK because she was chaperoning them. It was all I could do not to cry out in exasperation, "Yes, but why are you all in here?"

As much as I love cooking and getting together with family, I'm beginning to feel I can't host any more gatherings until I replace all the doorknobs in my house with ones that lock. Or am I in the wrong -- by inviting people into my home, am I inviting them to every room of it?

GENTLE READER? No, you are not wrong.

Miss Manners proposes that you try enlisting your nieces as guards, which might appeal to their sense of power. You could say conspiratorially that you don't want "other" guests meandering around, and ask the nieces if they can subtly and gently distract or herd wanderers into the designated areas for entertaining.

Of course, the fox-guarding-the-henhouse approach does not have a high success rate. In that case, Miss Manners suggests that you look into replacing those doorknobs.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was raised to believe that the head of the household -- or owner of the home, or whatever -- is responsible for carving the turkey (when turkey is served) unless that person designates someone else to the task.

Is it wrong for someone to volunteer another individual to perform this (albeit "traditional") task without the homeowner's consent?

GENTLE READER: Depending on the century in which you were reared, either the hostess or, in modern times, the host, has been considered in charge of any large animal that appears on platters. Should anyone else attempt to take over, the host should be able to say no firmly, especially as he has a large knife right at hand.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a dear friend who periodically sends out texts to everyone on her smartphone contact list for holidays: "Happy New Year!", "Happy 4th!", etc.

It is nice to receive them, but some people respond to it by unwittingly replying to all, meaning I also see a total stranger's reply to her on my phone. This is no big deal, but sometimes it turns into a more personal conversation between two people, and I am also seeing their messages to each other.

Do I just ignore the whole thing, or do I let them know at some point that their messages are not private? If I do break in, how do I politely phrase it?

I don't wish to cause trouble or embarrassment, but wish they would keep their conversation to themselves, just as I hope that my messages to my friend are kept private.

GENTLE READER: Warning someone who incorrectly believes he is having a private conversation is always good manners and often good public policy. Miss Manners will be brief, as she also suggests you do so quickly, before they start discussing you.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Last fall, my niece and her fiance mailed out "save the date" notices for their wedding. My parents received one. I just found out my parents were not included on the invitation list due to the fact that the wedding couple could afford to invite only so many people.

My parents had scheduled their annual vacation at that same time, but canceled it because they thought they would be invited to the wedding.

I have a major problem with these "save the date" notices just because of this situation. This is something they should have figured out in the first place before they mailed those notices out, and it puts many people in awkward positions and hurts feelings. I am angry because it really hurt my parents' feelings, and their vacation is ruined.

I have not discussed this with my niece or my in-laws. Should I address this or just let it go? I think it's extremely rude and totally inconsiderate, to say the least.

GENTLE READER: When save-the-date cards were first invented, Miss Manners welcomed them as a way of alerting guests to, well, save the date, not to mention taking advantage of airfare sales. She should have known that people would start misusing them.

Guests were afraid that these required committing themselves so far in the future that they could not think of excuses to decline. But actually, they are merely announcements; answers are required only when the actual invitations arrive.

But those must, indeed, eventually arrive. To treat the advance notices as lottery tickets -- that lucky you may, or may not, be chosen to attend -- is arrogant, callous and disgraceful.

If there are other marriages pending in that branch of the family, it might be useful to mention that your parents never got their invitation. Otherwise, it is hard to see what you would gain by telling your in-laws how rude they are.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a widow who has been seeing a widower for over a year. He is such a lovely and distinguished gentleman. We are planning on being married soon.

We are both in our 80s and do not wish to live together without being married. We feel it sends the wrong message to our children and grandchildren.

I am puzzled as to how I should introduce my gentleman friend to my friends. At our age, is it appropriate to introduce him as my fiance?

GENTLE READER: It is true that the term "fiance" is now used in odd ways. Miss Manners has noticed that in news accounts, if an unmarried mother is beaten up by the father of at least some of her children, he will be identified as her boyfriend, whereas if he is not mistreating her, he is referred to as her fiance. It, and the female equivalent, is often used by couples who seem to have no intention of being married.

But she is puzzled about why you believe there is an age limit in using the term correctly, to describe the gentleman you do, indeed, plan to marry. As with the terms "husband" and "wife," there is no association with age.

Perhaps you are reacting against the sudden descent into girlishness that so often overtakes brides who are independent and over the age of consent -- the bouffant white dresses, the summoning of someone to give them away, the notion that others must refurnish their long-since-established households.

Miss Manners is indulgent about those aspects that are merely in questionable taste, although she roundly condemns grabbiness in bridal couples of any age. But though she admires second and late-life weddings that are sophisticated, rather than showy, she doesn't want to spoil the fun of those who crave all-out pageants.

She would be sorry to think that the show business wedding had come to be so accepted as the standard that you and your lovely, distinguished fiance could not use the traditional terms.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What do you serve for family members at Thanksgiving who have invited themselves over for Thanksgiving dinner, but who do not eat turkey or ham?

GENTLE READER: Sweet potatoes and patience.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: In our guest bath, I have a rectangular napkin holder for folded decorative paper napkins to be used by guests for drying their hands. My thought is that I am providing our guests with a more sanitary way to dry their hands rather than multiple guests using the same hanging hand towels.

What is mind-boggling to me is that many guests appear to prefer using the hanging hand towels rather than the disposable decorative napkins. Am I off base in believing that the disposable decorative napkins are a nice and appropriate alternative?

GENTLE READER: The guests are using the guest towels? Shocking! But at least when you slap their hands, their hands will be dry.

What boggles Miss Manners' mind is why anyone would hang towels in the bathroom when expecting guests who are not expected to use them.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)