DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I am drinking lemonade or iced tea in a restaurant, sometimes a small lemon seed gets sucked up through the straw into my mouth. I know that one properly removes unwanted items with the utensil that brought it to the mouth, but how could that apply with a straw?

I suppose I could not use the straw, but it seems more sanitary than drinking directly from the glass. So I have been discreetly removing the offending little pip with my fingers, but your image pops up in front of my face, and I get the uneasy feeling it's a no-no.

GENTLE READER: Not as much of a no-no as it would be to shoot the pit out through the straw -- especially with Miss Manners' face right in front of you.

Despite that personal danger, she appreciates your question. Others who have tried to alert her to exceptions to rules seem to believe that etiquette is either callous or gullible. For example, they will dispute a directive to shake hands on the grounds that it would be wrong to expect this of someone who had lost a hand or an arm. (Well, yes, and thanks for pointing that out.) Or they will claim immunity from thanking their benefactors on the grounds that they are too busy, in presumed contrast to those who put time and trouble into pleasing them.

Please forgive Miss Manners from straying so far from your lemonade. It is just that she is tickled to hear of a legitimate exception to a common rule. Right you are: This is a problem she had not contemplated. In her excitement, she gives you her blessing to continue to deposit the pit discreetly into your hand.

However, here is a complication you may not have considered: Suppose the pit gets stuck in the straw, and you are unable to tap it out?

In that case, you have her blessing to ask for a replacement straw.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I would appreciate your point of view on when Christmas decorations should begin appearing in residential front yards.

I grew up with an unwritten rule that you do not put anything out until the Friday after Thanksgiving. With holiday creep continually pushing retailers to put Halloween out in August, I am appalled that my neighbors begin their Christmas decorating the first weekend of November.

I want to give them a friendly note to WAIT until a more appropriate time. At this point, I'm subjected to three months, versus two, of their display, and it encroaches on my Thanksgiving. Grrrr!

GENTLE READER: If you growl at your neighbor, who would be likely to growl back, you will have succeeded only in turning the area into a zoo, if not a jungle.

Miss Manners recognizes the problem of creeping holidays, but she also recognizes property rights. And property courtesy, even toward those whose tastes you find troublesome.

If you can find an inoffensive way to say, "Christmas already! My, how time flies," Miss Manners would consider it. But frankly, she does not trust you not to growl.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: After watching my son's high school musical, my partner and I chatted with various parents. While waiting for him, I unexpectedly saw my friend Jenny, whom I hadn't seen in a while. She has had some difficult times, and I gave her a hug and told her I was glad to see her.

My partner, Lauren, who is better at small talk than I am, spoke to Jenny and they started talking together. I wasn't sure how to participate in the conversation, so I left and chatted with another friend.

When that conversation ended, I went over to see Jenny and Lauren still talking. I stood near Lauren for maybe 30 seconds. I didn't participate in the conversation and remained listening quietly. Jenny then said to Lauren, with me there, "Let's go out and have coffee and talk sometime."

I was not included in the offer. I felt dissed, but I didn't say anything because I didn't want to sound petty. I was hurt, though. I wondered if because Jenny is straight, and straight women usually hang out with the female partners of their friends, that it was just a straight woman just not thinking about a female partner. Maybe I am making an excuse.

However, what about Lauren? I was mad that she didn't acknowledge me and bring me into that offer to go out. Such as, "We haven't seen you in a while, Jenny, and we'd love to get together for coffee." I was more annoyed with Lauren. What's your viewpoint on this, and was it best to just say nothing? How should I have handled it?

GENTLE READER: Just as you did. Although Miss Manners concurs that it was rude to not acknowledge your presence -- and Jenny could have waited to extend the invitation to Lauren out of earshot -- the fact that the two wanted to have coffee on their own was not an etiquette transgression. Couples are allowed to separate and have their own friends -- and inviting a couple out together is not a requirement.

Further (in the interest of your own domestic peace), Lauren was not the one issuing the invitation, so the onus wasn't on her to include you. Since it bothered you, however, you could have said cheerfully, "Perhaps while you two are having coffee, your husband and I could get to know one another" -- as long as it was done with (virtually) no implication of threat.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am expecting, and my husband and I have been invited to the wedding of a friend that falls three days before my due date.

Under normal circumstances I wouldn't dream of replying with anything other than a yes or no, but in this case, would it be appropriate to respond that we would be delighted to attend so long as our little one hasn't made his or her appearance yet?

GENTLE READER: All right, this is a justified exception, but Miss Manners cautions you not to make a habit of it. She prohibits "maybe" as a response to a social invitation because it implies that one is holding out for a better offer. In your case, however, no one could dispute that the birth of your baby is at least a more urgent one.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What does etiquette say about performers demanding audience participation at rock, folk and children's performances? I understand that this would not happen at the symphony.

I escorted two children to a singer-songwriter's performance, for which we were charged a small fee, and found that the artist was not only asking, but demanding that all of the adults present sing along and do various hand and arm motions at her command. This seemed like a more severe version of what happens at some larger rock venues, when an artist may call out a question, and then demand a louder answer if it is given too softly the first time.

At the children's performance, the problem was exacerbated by the fact that the singer-songwriter made threats to expose anyone who declined to participate.

Does etiquette give an artist such total authority over an audience? Is there a way out for anyone who wishes to sit (or stand, as appropriate) in the back, listening quietly, particularly if one is merely there to accompany young children?

I didn't want to force the children to leave, nor did I want to be singled out for attack by the performer, so I obeyed her commands, but I wonder if Miss Manners could provide me with an alternative if something similar should happen in the future.

GENTLE READER: Do not be too confident that you will not be asked to do this at the symphony. The interactive concept has spread, keeping pace with the decline in general ability to pay quiet attention to others, even those whom one has paid to be of interest.

Whatever the venue, you are not required to participate -- you are the audience, not the performer -- but Miss Manners suggests you attempt to look amused and distracted rather than resentful or sulky. The latter will only encourage the performer to redouble his efforts.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My son has started a successful nonprofit and, naturally, I am very proud of him and the work he is doing. At events, many other guests involved in his work will come up to me and tell me how much they admire him and often add, "You must be so proud of him."

To respond, "Yes, I am," sounds to me like I am bragging. On the other hand, I don't want to dismiss the work he is doing or make it seem insignificant. I am very new at this public arena. What is a proper response that recognizes his accomplishments in a humble manner?

GENTLE READER: In the case you mention, it would be odd not to express your pride in your son. What you must avoid is interpreting the guest's statement as an open-ended invitation.

Think back to when your son was a toddler. He charmed the guest who read him a bedtime story when he enthusiastically asked for an encore. By the fourth repetition, the guest was looking longingly at the door.

When invited to praise your own progeny -- be he or she a toddler, a teenager or an adult -- Miss Manners allows one response -- one anecdote, one picture, one comment. And then remember that you have outgrown the days when "Again!" could be forgiven as a developmental stage.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)