DEAR MISS MANNERS: Every year we receive a Christmas letter from a couple we see frequently and therefore we are up-to-date on what's going on in their family. Their annual letter seems to be nothing more than an opportunity to brag about vacations, vacation homes, their children's careers and their purchases.

If there was a death in their family and thus a duty to mention it, it is reported as the best funeral ever! Of course after the boasting has been thoroughly covered, the last sentence always includes a wish for our family to have a holiday filled with peace and joy.

I find this type of form letter to be shallow, self-serving and in very poor taste. What was once a means of keeping in touch with distant friends and relatives and conveying the spirit of the season seems to have morphed into a very different agenda. What is your opinion of these letters?

GENTLE READER: Astonishment that you get this only once a year.

Have these people not discovered that on social media, they could post every single day, even multiple times a day -- boring not just you, but untold numbers of people, including some they don't even know? That they could supplement this with pictures, including of every meal they had?

Miss Manners notices that selfie press releases, passed off as "news" about oneself and one's family, have become a year-round nuisance. The object is to cast the subject in a favorable, if not enviable, light. No doubt your correspondents think of their tone as being cheerful, even when reporting a death.

But they, like nearly all social media posters, suffer from the fatal fault of failing to consider their targeted audience. Personal news should be sent only to people who do not otherwise know it and yet can be presumed to be interested.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My ex-husband and I remained friendly after our divorce in 1979. He passed away 23 years ago. I have never remarried, and now I do not see myself as a divorcee, but a widow. Would it be incorrect to call myself a widow?

GENTLE READER: It doesn't bother Miss Manners, and it certainly can't bother your former husband; presumably, he did not leave a subsequent widow. But if you want to be fastidious, you can achieve the same effect by saying simply, "My husband died."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My niece was married 12 years ago at city hall with only her parents in attendance. She regrets having no pictures of the day.

I would like to surprise her with a vow renewal ceremony. Is a surprise a bad move? Many people are telling me to involve her in the planning.

GENTLE READER: First, allow Miss Manners to say how sweet it is that you want to do something for your niece and her husband.

Next she is obliged to tell you that surprising people with a set-up that requires them to go through a ceremony to which they had not agreed is an appalling plan. Please just ask them if they would enjoy your giving them an anniversary party.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a step-niece who never writes thank-you notes. This is normally a mere annoyance because it makes it impossible for me to know for sure if a birthday card or gift arrived safely, but I've come to expect the lack of acknowledgment for the normal gift-giving instances.

I sent this niece a graduation card with a monetary gift enclosed. I shouldn't have been surprised that a thank-you never arrived -- either in written form, email, text, or even through her parents -- although I'd hoped that the special occasion might have inspired a sudden burst of politeness.

No such luck. However, in this case, I'm finding it much harder to get over my annoyance. It's especially difficult to be gracious when my brother asks me to mentor this girl (his stepdaughter) as she begins her studies at my college alma mater. I don't warrant a thank-you note, but it's perfectly OK to hit me up for my time and advice?

So, given that changing this girl's lack of manners is most likely impossible, can you advise me of a mantra I can say to myself that allows me to keep up good family relations? I will see this family in a few short weeks, and I don't want my grudge to show.

GENTLE READER: As your brother has invited you to mentor this girl, your first act of advice could be about encouraging kindness and generosity by showing gratitude. Not only will this ease the unpleasantness for you, but it will also be extremely useful to her in future business and social relationships.

While Miss Manners does not generally condone chastising people for their etiquette transgressions (that, after all, is her lot in life), in this particular case, you have been invited to help the poor girl out. If worded properly and kindly ("Now that you are in college, you are going to want to be sure to express thanks for any acts of kindness, if for no other reason than to show that you are grateful and make them want to continue"), correcting her behavior would help everyone out.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: On a sunny morning, I put on my running shoes and took the same tour I always do. Unfortunately, this time, a funeral just started at the church I always pass. The funeral car was still on the way to the church and the family of the departed were walking behind the car.

I was running on the sidewalk, in the opposite direction. It was so weird, that group of people were mourning, and I was running happily, thanking God for the beautiful weather. Should I have stopped running until they passed? What is the right thing to do?

GENTLE READER: Unless you are physically in their way, Miss Manners does not -- nor would anyone -- expect you to cease all activity and pretend you are temporarily among the bereaved. An alternative to stopping your run would be going across the street so as to maintain a respectful distance as a courtesy.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A mom takes lots of pictures of her daughters. The baby is almost 1 year old; the other is 5. She posts the photos on social media with captions such as "Baby versus girl." The baby's thighs are often mentioned with the nickname "Pork Chops." The mom often refers to the differences in her girls' body sizes.

The photos that sent me over the edge were two pictures of the mom measuring the girls' thighs, showing the baby's thigh was as large as the girl's. I wrote the mom a private message saying I wished she wouldn't do that, and the mom blew up.

So many females have negative body images, and I was afraid the mom was sending the wrong message to her daughters. Now what do I do?

GENTLE READER: Abusive actions call for sterner interventions than those available to etiquette. But failing such extreme situations, Miss Manners notes that it is just as difficult to discipline other people's parents as it is to discipline other people's children. Part-time parenting from third parties is usually as futile as it is unwelcome. You owe her an apology -- not for your view, but for interfering.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: This will probably come off as conceited and self-absorbed, but I need to know! We are trying to budget our wedding, but how can we do that if a percentage is hanging in limbo?

I do not expect my parents to help us, as they have already given us more than we ever thought, and we haven't heard a peep from them. I am on great terms with his mother, so I would have no problem straight up asking for a yes or no, but God bless my fiance, he doesn't even want to ask.

So, am I rude to even ask, or do I have the right to know so I can keep planning with or without the money?

GENTLE READER: Please do not begin your marriage by pushing your fiance to extract money from his parents, when you know that he does not want to do so. (And God bless him for that, indeed.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband's family uses what I term "third-party communication." In other words, rather than contacting me about something that pertains to me, such as my car, they will contact him, who in turn contacts me.

None of them see anything wrong with this. I consider it going around me, which I find offensive, and they say this is how they've always done it, and that basically I'm the only one who has a problem with it and I'm being ridiculous about it.

I would like to know what the official etiquette protocol is, and I would venture to say that it isn't their method.

GENTLE READER: Whether or not this is how your in-laws are used to communicating, it has a flaw that Miss Manners suggests you use to your advantage. Not being present, how can your in-laws be sure the message was delivered?

But, as you ask, "official protocol" often does countenance or even suggest conveying potentially annoying messages through those known to be on closer terms with the recipient.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)