After 10 minutes of guessing among ambiguous voicemail menu choices, a caller is connected with someone who cannot solve his problem -- and who insists on putting him back into voicemail. Neither of them knows that the computer is systematically (and unfeelingly) routing people with billing questions to Children's Clothing.

A customer who gets to the front of the checkout line and finds the clerk on the phone is angry that he is not being served. She is unaware that the clerk is required to do double duty answering the company telephone.

An airline passenger who asks a question of the person behind the desk at the gate is annoyed to be told that he will have to wait for a different employee who might know the answer. He has not realized that the person at the computer is a pilot, not a gate agent.

The employees are just as frustrated as the customers:

"If this guy wanted a giraffe onesie for his daughter, I could help him. But why is he yelling at me about a billing problem?"

"I'm wearing a company headset and answered the phone by saying, 'Enormous Corporate Chain, how may I help you?' Isn't it obvious that I am waiting on another customer, not chatting with my boyfriend?"

"I'm a pilot with 20 years of experience, and I'm wearing my hat. I'm using this computer to get a flight plan so I can fly this passenger quickly and safely to his next destination. Why does he expect me to know how many points he needs to qualify for Agate Geode Status?"

Who was at fault? Everyone.

Someone not present at the eventual blowup has created a situation in which misunderstanding is certain to occur. The checkout person, the sales clerk and the pilot have been made to look rude by a badly programmed voicemail system, an unfortunate assignment of duties and the placement of a computer.

So the customer has taken offense and turned aggressive. And the employee has responded in kind.

They have Miss Manners' sympathy, if not her approbation. But as everyone has misbehaved, everyone can help Miss Manners clean up the mess.

Corporate America -- and any consultants paid to think for it -- needs to finish what it starts. After what feels like a lifetime on computer support, Miss Manners understands what happens when a technician "fixes" a computer problem, but fails to verify the result. People designing airports, programming voicemail systems and making duty assignments need to think through how these will be used.

The same is true of everyone else involved in decisions that will affect what we now call "the customer experience."

The employee needs to remember that he or she represents the company, for good or ill. It is necessary to be prepared for the possibility that the customer has already had reason to be frustrated, and to be able to defuse the situation with an apology and a solution.

"My apologies, you were routed to the wrong department, but I can get you to the correct one. And let me give you the direct extension for that department in case voicemail fails again."

"Forgive me, I have a telephone customer, but you are next."

"I'm sorry, but I'm the pilot and am not trained in gate operations. This station will open 30 minutes before your flight, when someone will be able to help you."

The customer must accept the apology gracefully, if not, perhaps, gratefully, and employee and customer should both consider contacting corporate headquarters to give them a chance to correct the original mistake.

Meanwhile, Miss Manners will attempt to decipher the corporate website, which is forcing her to choose among "Plan My Visit," "Enhance My Experience," "What's Happening," "Information" and "Help." She doubts that any choice will live up to its title.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My dear friend of 40 years has a husband who is recently disabled and who now uses a handicapped parking placard that hangs from his rearview mirror.

When out together as couples, we have been dismayed to find that there are no handicapped spaces available at the restaurant or theater. We have all commiserated on what we feel is an abuse of handicapped spaces by the able-bodied.

Recently I drove this friend and two other friends to a garden/museum for what was to be an afternoon ladies' outing. As we drove by the handicapped spaces, my friend remarked, "It's a shame that I didn't bring hubby's placard in my purse -- we could have parked in a handicapped space."

I was shocked/disturbed by this comment and replied, "No, we would NOT have parked in a handicapped spot!"

Her response was, "That's ridiculous -- there are a hundred empty spaces!" (Obviously, an exaggeration.)

I then said, "I am sorry, but I don't care to be part of the problem."

My friend did drop the subject, but I wondered if there might have been a better way for me to have handled this.

GENTLE READER: Probably. What you said was justified, but Miss Manners fears that it is the way you said it that might have caused offense.

Perhaps something more along the lines of, "Surely, you do not want to contribute to the abuse of handicapped spaces that is causing this problem in the first place," would have resonated more deeply with your friend than being more severely reprimanded.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: For many years, I frequently have had people come up to me in public places and say, "How do I know you?" or "Where do I know you from?" or "Haven't we met before?"

This is not a "pickup" line -- it happens with both males and females all the time.

I typically respond that I have a familiar face and people say this to me all the time. As I have gotten much older, I thought it would subside, but it has not. I don't mind to some extent, but it's gotten to the point that some people will not let it drop. They are insistent on trying to figure out who I am or where they may have met me before.

I always try to be as friendly and jovial as possible, but am not sure how to handle it when they keep coming back to me to try to figure it out. This typically occurs when I am out with my husband or friends for the evening, and we are all just trying to visit with one another over dinner, coffee or drinks, etc.

I've even had people sit down at my table and start asking me very personal questions so they can try to determine where they have met me before.

Do you have any suggestions?

GENTLE READER: "You probably saw me in my high school play."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How should we address President Bill Clinton if his wife wins the title of president? Some have suggested First Gentleman. Some have stated that he would still be known as president. Who makes these decisions?

GENTLE READER: It is one thing to make protocol decisions, which come under the Department of State, and quite another thing to enforce them -- especially if the most prominent scofflaws are former presidents themselves.

Miss Manners knows that they mean to flatter one another, but it is at the cost of the dignity of the office they each have held. "President of the United States" is a unique title that should not be diluted.

Surely the prospect of a White House where people are perpetually asking "Which President Clinton do you mean?" should put a stop to that.

"First Lady" is a nickname, rather than an official title, although it is so thoroughly used that "First Gentleman" might also be, especially by those who find it amusing.

The correct protocol is that a former president reverts to the highest non-exclusive title he held. Thus George Washington was again known as "General Washington," and Mr. Clinton -- the title "Mr." is never insulting -- would be properly styled "Governor Clinton."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My family and I are traveling from our small town to New York City next month, and we need to know the polite and compassionate way to deal with panhandlers.

I am not averse to giving money, but we cannot give to every person that asks. Is there a polite way to decline?

GENTLE READER: Though panhandling by desperate people is almost always unwelcome, Miss Manners agrees with you that the act is not automatically an affront, nor does it justify rudeness. Nor, barring threat or intimidation, is it kind to ignore such a request.

"I am sorry" is the polite way to refuse, after which it would be best not to remain long enough to invite an argument.

This is a useful dodge to learn, wherever you may live. The same response works for solvent acquaintances, even those canny enough to disguise the request for personal funds with words like "charitable donation."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A cousin of mine leaves her car at my house. She stops by once a year to drive it, then returns it.

I have decided to ask for some payment for its sitting here. I checked around and found out how much storage places charge, and I decided to charge her a third of what it would cost if she had taken it to a storage business.

She insists I should not charge family. I feel like I am being used for free storage. If I were to leave something at a friend's or family member's place, I would offer to pay something and not expect it to be free.

GENTLE READER: Your cousin has a point, although she conveniently ignores your own, namely that family members cannot be expected to provide unlimited or open-ended warehousing space.

Miss Manners is aware of only one exception to this rule -- providing a good home for a child's stuffed animals, which is only binding so long as said child continues to attend college classes. She therefore recommends you tell your cousin that, unfortunately, you can no longer look after her car 364 days a year, so if she leaves it on the street nearby, you cannot be expected to protect it.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)