DEAR MISS MANNERS: Our family is hosting Thanksgiving dinner for family friends. Every year when we meet for Thanksgiving, the mother of one of the families insists we take a walk before the dessert course.

However, as the hosts, my family prefers other options, such as playing board games. Do you think this is our responsibility as hosts to take a walk with her?

GENTLE READER: Surely the traditional division of Thanksgiving guests is those who fall asleep after the meal, those who want to watch television and those who get stuck doing the dishes. Miss Manners wouldn't think that you would have to deal with middle-of-the-meal demands.

And you do not. The hosts need only promise to save a dessert for anyone who wants to go out for a walk.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Throughout my career and in my personal life, I have sent handwritten notes/letters to colleagues, friends and relatives to thank them for gifts and kind acts, and to offer congratulations or condolences as circumstances arise.

At a family gathering, I overheard a small group of young adult relatives mocking my habit. They feel it is pretentious of me to send written thanks after having already thanked a relative in person for a birthday or holiday gift, and proclaimed it "creepy" that, after the sudden death of a close relative, I wrote condolence letters to his wife, brother, mother and stepfather.

They are not aware I overheard these remarks, and I have attended subsequent family gatherings without letting on, but their words haunt me, and I feel hurt and embarrassed. Is my practice incorrect? Should I stop sending handwritten thank-you notes and letters of condolence to my relatives?

GENTLE READER: Please tell Miss Manners that you do not really suspect your expressions of gratitude and sympathy of being wrong, on the opinion of people who sneer at graciousness.

Their attitude is common among those who want to justify their own indifference to the feelings of those who are generous or bereaved. You should certainly not allow them to persuade you to be equally coarse.

However, if you have occasion to write to one of the relatives who took part in that conversation, you might open your letter by saying, "I know you may consider it 'creepy' of me to write, but I dearly want to express my sincere gratitude/appreciation ..."

If nothing else, this will instruct them to watch what they say in crowds.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am currently 14 weeks pregnant. I know I will start to show soon, and a few of my co-workers have already tried to touch my stomach. I have heard horror stories of pregnant women being touched by complete strangers in public.

What is a polite way to explain to a stranger that I don't want my stomach touched in a way that educates them so they don't try touching the next pregnant person they see?

GENTLE READER: Scream.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We hosted my mother-in-law last year for Thanksgiving, and she indicated she wanted to come again this year. While I wasn't necessarily planning on inviting her, there is always enough food, so I explained that if she'd like to come there's room at the table.

Now she's telling everyone in the family that I "begged" for her to come, but this just simply isn't true. My husband's relationship with her is already strained due to her overly dramatic style. Do I address this with her or leave it? I'm at an absolute loss.

GENTLE READER: About how to tell your mother-in-law, and maybe everyone else, that while you are tolerating her presence, you wouldn't dream of begging her to attend?

Happy Thanksgiving to you, too.

Miss Manners fails to understand what harm it does for the lady to tell the family that you welcome her. She would even suggest that you do beg her. As she is going to show up anyway, you have nothing to lose, and perhaps a pleasanter Thanksgiving to gain.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am not a very big fan of most wines, but I do enjoy port. When I go out to eat, is it appropriate to order a dessert wine like port or sherry during the main course?

Also, if it is all right to drink port with dinner, how do I politely explain to the waiter that I know what I am ordering? I've had two waiters tell me that I should select something else for dinner, even though I was quite certain of what I wanted.

GENTLE READER: "All right" with whom?

Granted, these are not the conventional choices to drink with dinner. But you go to a restaurant to buy a meal. Surely you should choose a meal that you will enjoy.

Miss Manners is not going to discourage you from doing that, nor do those waiters mean to do so. You need only thank them for their offer of advice and repeat that what you have selected is what you prefer.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: For many years I would host Thanksgiving and Easter dinners in my home. People would ask if they could bring anything, and I always said no because I feel that if you invite people to your home, the host puts on the dinner.

My nephew hosts Thanksgiving now, and he has asked me what I'm bringing. I don't mind bringing a dish to pass, but feel I should offer. My niece feels that to accept an invitation without bringing a dish to pass is rude. Have I missed something?

GENTLE READER: You have missed the current notion that every meal is a cooperative venture, and that bringing a dish cancels the need to reciprocate. Miss Manners keeps trying to bat down this trend in favor of true hospitality, but so far with little success.

There is, however, historical precedent, as well as modern custom, for Thanksgiving's being a joint endeavor. So while you should have a say in what you bring while acknowledging the chief planner's need to balance the menu, this is not the best holiday to be annoyed at the request.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it OK to decorate for Christmas before Thanksgiving?

GENTLE READER: Probably not with your neighbors.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My daughter, who is 6 1/2 years old and weighs about 45 pounds, is a beautiful little blonde with curly hair and blue eyes, and reminds me of an angel. But my mother-in-law, stepmother-in-law and brother-in-law all make comments about her, such as, "She sure has thinned out," and "She's getting thin" and "She's getting tall, she's lost some of her belly."

This infuriates me! My daughter is not the only person they talk about like this (they say stuff about everyone), but she is my main concern. She is fit and cute as a bug, and is NOT overweight in the least. She has never even had "baby fat," so to speak. If anything, she is petite.

Those three are the only ones who have ever made comments about her, and when I tell other people (my friends or other family members), they don't understand what my other family is seeing. The ones who say these things do not intend to be mean -- they love my daughter -- they just seem to be too much into looks and how others look.

It is concerning. I don't want to be rude, but do want to make a point that they are being rude, and if they don't stop, one day my daughter is going to hear a comment that makes her think badly of herself. Girls' self-esteems are so delicate, don't you think? So what should I say to family to get my point across before I go psycho mom on them?

GENTLE READER: It might be too late for that.

But Miss Manners understands your frustration. While you rightly perceive your relatives' appraisals to be insulting in their implication that your daughter used to be overweight, the actual words are that she is now not.

Miss Manners agrees that no weight assessment should be made to anyone, much less a 6-year-old. Unfortunately, we live in a time where being thin is equated with beauty, and losing weight a commendable achievement. In other words, your relatives think they are paying your daughter compliments.

While Miss Manners fears that she will not be able to correct this overall backward thinking, she can indeed reassure you that she condemns their utterance. And in your daughter's case, finds them redundant. Losing baby fat is what children tend to do when they are no longer babies. However, please try to continue ignoring these comments and focus on the obvious joy that you take in your daughter's beauty.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What are your thoughts on being invited to a Thanksgiving meal, only to be asked to pay per person (family)? Not everyone invited is asked to pay, and those that are asked to pay, pay more than a fair share.

GENTLE READER: As this seems to be a business proposition, Miss Manners would think those being charged would weigh the amount of thankfulness they expect to receive in return and check whether there might be a better deal elsewhere.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)