DEAR MISS MANNERS: Caller ID and other technologies made it possible, for a few years, to screen out telemarketers by ignoring phone calls from unfamiliar numbers. But technology marches on, and now telemarketers are using false phone numbers, lifelike recordings and intelligent voice recognition to fool people into accepting calls we don’t want and engaging with callers who may well not even be human.

What’s our obligation to be polite when a call is deceptive and the caller possibly a robot? May one talk over a caller who never stops to breathe, saying, “Thank you, but I’m not interested”? If the caller is pre-programmed to respond in a way most likely to extend the conversation, is it acceptable to hang up the phone wordlessly?

GENTLE READER: Yes. If you have made every effort to politely interrupt the person, but to no avail, then they only have themselves to blame for the disconnection.

And as faultlessly well-mannered and undiscriminating as Miss Manners may be, she does not require you to be polite to a robot.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My mother and I attended the funeral of a dearly loved aunt. After the services, my mother offered to cook my uncle a meal at his home, as he did not feel like going out.

Somehow this escalated into the entire family being invited, which my mother graciously accepted. The next day, she went out and purchased a 10-pound roast, along with food to make sides.

Upon returning to the house, my cousin’s adult daughter (21 years old), looked at the food and asked how many people it was for. When I listed off the people, which amounted to 21, eight of whom are small children, she bluntly told my mother that she hadn’t purchased enough food and that she would still be hungry after dinner. Her mother supported her in her criticism.

My uncle, mother and I found this very rude. Are we overreacting? Who was in the wrong?

GENTLE READER: Pre-emptively claiming future hunger -- or criticizing anything about a meal that one has been invited (or especially invited oneself) to -- is clearly rude.

On top of that, it seems to Miss Manners that your cousin’s daughter’s forecasted problem was imminently solvable. If she insisted that she would be hungry afterwards, you could have politely suggested that she procure more food. For everyone.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When my daughters invited some friends to a sleepover at our house, one mother asked if I would be providing supper. I said that I would, mentioning that we would be having hamburgers and fries.

One girl immediately declared her hatred of these foods. Before I thought how to respond, the girl’s mother assured her that it was OK, that I would find something she would like to eat.

This put me in an awkward position, as that particular child proved to be extremely picky. While I did want to be a gracious hostess, I did not wish to be a short-order cook for a child who refused numerous options. What would have been a reasonable response on my part?

GENTLE READER: “Well, I will certainly do my best, and I hope that she will find something she might like.” Miss Manners recommends that this statement be uttered with studied and consistent eye contact with the parent.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Frequently, I hear voicemail greetings where the person I am calling informs me that they will return my call at their “earliest convenience.”

Is this the appropriate/polite way to use this phrase? Am I wrong to find this a bit rude?

GENTLE READER: The phrase first appeared in business settings as a request (“Please return my call at your earliest convenience”), rather than a promise -- the test results had come in and your doctor’s office was expressing the hope that you would call back.

Promising that you will call someone back when it is convenient to you certainly lacks charm, although Miss Manners suspects that people have heard the phrase so many times they have simply stopped parsing the actual words.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the proper method of handling the sight of roaches walking across the floor of a restaurant? And what is the proper way to handle a server delivering food to the table, turning their head and coughing onto the food they are about to serve you? Please share your thoughts.

GENTLE READER: The chief thought is: “Ewww. Time to find another restaurant.”

But in both cases, the problem needs to be brought to the attention of management, and, if not met with proper horror, the local health department, so that corrective action may be taken.

This is easier to do when the restaurant’s representative, in your case, the waiter, is not also the perpetrator. A properly trained waiter will demonstrate not just interest but grave concern over reports of infestations. A plate that has been coughed on should be replaced, a point you can take up with the waiter but may prefer to bring directly to higher authority.

Miss Manners warns you that in neither instance will it be easy to verify that corrective action has, or will be, taken. If the arrangement of vegetables on a plate that has supposedly been replaced looks familiar, you may wish to decamp.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Please tell me if I am being too sensitive. Twice recently, I have invited different groups of friends over for dinner. On each occasion, someone has responded that they weren’t available on the selected date, but would like for everyone to come to her home on an alternate date.

I find it rude to turn my invitation into a gathering at one’s own home. I believe that if you would like to host an event, you should initiate the invitation yourself.

Am I overreacting? This has really been bothering me, as I hate to upset my friends by not succumbing to their wishes.

GENTLE READER: Hospitality is meant to be reciprocated, a fact Miss Manners reminds you of, as it provides an easy solution to your predicament.

When one of your would-be guests proposes an alternate date, treat it as a separate event from your own -- as the natural follow-up to your own event. Strictly speaking, one cannot reciprocate for an event one did not attend, but that is a technicality that friends should overlook.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Individuals soliciting charity for themselves are everywhere. The requests range from the heart-rending (people who cannot afford basic necessities such as food or medical care) to the grabby (the well-heeled newlyweds who don’t want to pay for that expensive honeymoon).

What is new is these individuals’ claims to be doing the good works associated with a charitable organization, a claim that is independent of financial condition.

Even the person who used to ask, “Brother, can you spare a dime?” now appeals to you to “Help the homeless” -- implying that anything you give will benefit more than the person making the request. In many ways, it is the natural progression of the panhandler who appeared not far from the White House some years ago with a sandwich-board sign that fancifully claimed status as a 501(c)(3) (a charitable organization recognized by the Internal Revenue Service).

The newlyweds, by contrast, provide the tools that charities introduced to make giving more convenient: one-click shopping from their registry or direct deposit to their bank account.

Miss Manners recognizes, with sadness and sympathy, that, unlike those newlyweds, many of our citizens are in genuine need. Charity is a touchy subject because one is forced both to confront real suffering, and to parse the genuine from the not.

But the Selfie Charity -- the pretense of being a corporation, not the act of asking for help -- is a cheat.

The motivation behind such actions is easy to understand. “Professionalizing the ask” converts even a solvent beggar into a doer of good works. It excuses any lingering embarrassment, allowing ever-greater fundraising goals. And it reduces the act to a commercial transaction, incidentally excusing the person who does not want to write thank-you notes or feel gratitude.

Not only is this disingenuous, not only can it be used to justify greed and ingratitude, but it demeans -- and misunderstands -- the work done by actual charities.

Charities selflessly work on behalf of others. This is not a virtue to which an individual recipient can lay claim. The requests of an individual can only be justified by great need. Not only is this uncomfortable, it is the reason that so many feel the call to do good works for others.

It is also ridiculous to think that professional charities do not express gratitude to their donors. Among the successful ones, saying “thank you” is one of their major activities. If your relatives are willing to pay the down payment on your new house, you have to thank them and be grateful. If you must have a reason to do so, let’s agree that it’s good for business.

And unlike a charity, individuals are barred from too overtly tailoring the level of their gratitude to the amount of the donation. Gifts to individuals are properly valued by the effort, thought and sacrifice of the giver, not the retail value of the gift. Whether or not the gift is as generous as was hoped, you still have to write a letter of thanks.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it appropriate for the father of the bride to walk her down the aisle when it is a second marriage?

GENTLE READER: As this is an archaic ritual anyway --neither father nor bride being under the illusion that she is his to give away -- why not?

But Miss Manners cautions that it is not acceptable for others to wish him better luck this time.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)