DEAR MISS MANNERS: I submit that even if my conduct is incorrect, I am entitled to a presumption that said conduct is an honest mistake, unless the conduct is truly heinous -- which, in my case, it never is. Of course, others are likewise entitled to the same presumption from me. What do you think?

GENTLE READER: Indeed, Miss Manners is always urging people to give minor transgressors the benefit of a doubt about whether they meant to be rude. The automatic tendency to come out swinging at the slightest provocation makes for an unpleasantly abrasive society. And some who did intend to be rude will still accept the opportunity for a face-saving retreat when a transgression is treated as an inadvertent mistake.

However, Miss Manners would perhaps prefer that you apply this when necessary, rather than use it to build a case for yourself in advance.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Apparently at Thanksgiving, my husband’s sister winked at him and said, “You’ll have Thanksgiving at your house next year.” My husband said ‘OK’ without even asking me first.

I have not hosted an event like this in the time we have been together, and I am sure it is time for me to do so. I don’t necessarily have a problem doing it, but I feel very strongly that he should have consulted me first before agreeing. Especially since I am going to have to shoulder the burden of the work involved.

He thinks that he did nothing wrong in agreeing because it was all in fun. My main argument is that if he thinks he is right and what he did was OK, then what’s to stop him from making other plans without consulting me first?

Now he thinks I am a jerk because I am upset about it. I tried to explain to him that most people would feel the way I do. How do you feel about this?

GENTLE READER: While Miss Manners agrees that spouses should consult each other about issuing invitations, she would cut some slack for someone at a drawn-out meal cornered about an event in the distant future. This may be forgotten, or could be renegotiated 11 months from now. And if not, it gives your husband plenty of time to learn to cook, if he doesn’t already know how.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: It is permissible to thank someone with a gift monogrammed with my own initials, when those receiving the gift played an important role in a milestone ceremony in my life?

GENTLE READER: That graceful explanation does not strike Miss Manners as justification for re-gifting something that was obviously meant for you.

Mind you, she is not entirely opposed to passing things on, provided that this is not made known to the recipient, and that the item is one the donor assumes will find a more welcome home. But something that requires justification with such an explanation does not qualify.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I are academics. Every year, we spend the summer in Maine in a small community that has a wonderful nonprofit theater. We have been coming here for years, and our children have grown up attending and volunteering for shows and events.

There is a particular board member we meet every year. We have attended parties with her; we meet her at the farmers market a number of times over the season; we have had pleasant conservations with her and her husband.

And yet, each year when we first encounter her, and sometimes multiple times during the summer, she acts as if she has never seen us or met us before. She is not an elderly woman, so I don’t think this is simply a memory issue. Rather, it seems to be a kind of social positioning amongst a very small group of people. I have tried greeting her by name and reminding her of my name to assist, but to no avail.

My husband and I now joke about how unmemorable we are. But, to be honest, I find these experiences a little insulting, especially given that we are active participants and regular donors at this particular theater, and we know and enjoy the company of other regular theater supporters. For me, and perhaps I need thicker skin, it adds an unpleasantness to social events that seems unnecessary. I am wondering if there is a polite way for me to effectively respond to or correct this behavior. What do you recommend?

GENTLE READER: Saying to her, the next time you are introduced and she feigns ignorance, “Oh Marzipan, how funny. We have met many times. You must not recognize me in my party clothes.” This, Miss Manners notes, has the added sly benefit of leaving others to wonder why she might recognize you without them.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m in a bit of a bind at work. I use my phone regularly throughout the day for personal and professional reasons, and as such, often have a low battery towards the end of the day.

I’ve taken to bringing a spare charger with me to work so I can continue to work from my phone as needed. My co-workers have caught on to this, and now frequently come and ask me for my charger.

Sometimes they ask while my phone is still charging; sometimes they ask while it is still in my purse. Either way, I feel resentful for sharing. I don’t have a great reason for the feeling, but I am irritated when they ask. I feel like it is just expected of me to share, and I feel like I shouldn’t have to, as it’s not my fault they didn’t come prepared. How do I handle this situation?

GENTLE READER: Many hotels, airports and hospitals, Miss Manners has noticed, have felt similar frustration, and solved the problem by providing communal chargers in multiple flavors. Perhaps you could suggest that your office follow suit.

Meanwhile, you can say, with an expression of regret, “I’m afraid I’m going to need it. It’s really a good idea to have one.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife and I got married around two months ago. We just finished going through all our cards and gifts, discovering in the process that there are still quite a few people who have not given gifts.

I have heard people convey that the proper window for giving wedding presents is anywhere from six weeks to one year after the wedding. What is the actual correct time frame to expect gifts, and after that time has passed, how do we go about inquiring with these people about the (lack of a) gift?

I do not want to be rude by making our guests think we are waiting for a gift (though we are), but actually our main concern is that perhaps the gift or card got lost at the venue or in the mail, in which case we and our guests both lose.

I’d like to simply send out a text message to each with something to the effect of, “Hey, please don’t feel ANY pressure to give a gift at all, but we went through our presents and did not find one from you, so we just wanted to make sure it didn’t get lost or misplaced.”

However, I am afraid this will be interpreted as a thinly veiled (and rude) attempt to “remind” the guest that they have not yet given a gift.

GENTLE READER: In order for it to be thinly veiled, you would have to be putting up a pretense of it not being your true intention. And your brief -- and public -- track record, as stated here, does not give Miss Manners confidence.

You should not concern yourself with (much less obsess over) whether or not each and every guest has given you a present. Indeed, a year is a reasonable time frame.

But surely you have better things to think about as a newlywed -- and plenty of thank-you notes to write for whatever has already safely arrived. Guests who are worried that a present was lost, usually because thanks were not received, should contact you through a relative or friend (see the letter below). But taking inventory is wholly unbecoming -- and not conducive to producing the feelings that lead to sending you presents in the first place.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Gift-giving has changed a lot since I was a bride. In many cases, people purchase from online gift registries and items are shipped.

But gifts can get lost along the way, and more than one of my purchases never made it to the recipient. Sometimes shopping websites have good package-tracking systems, and sometimes they don’t.

So what is the best way of checking to see if the recipient received your gift and if the correct item was sent -- without sounding like you are nagging them for a thank-you note immediately?

GENTLE READER: Enlist the help of a mutual friend or relative to do it for you. “I am afraid that our present to Bridey Won’tThankALot might have been lost in transit. Would you mind finding out if she received it before I start annoying the merchant who sent it?”

Miss Manners recommends that you wait a few weeks before doing this, however, as the urgency of writing thank-you letters has also “changed a lot.” But she feels certain that the well-chosen friend or relative will at least help to alleviate the problem of not knowing.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)