DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am estranged from my mother -- and as a result, my father, several siblings, aunt and grandfather. The reasons are not important. Suffice it to say that I believe the reasons are appropriate, that the estrangement has been long-term, and that it is extremely unlikely to resolve. I don’t see my mother at all.

I have just had my first child with my wonderful husband. My baby is the first grandchild on my side. People who are not aware of the estrangement (acquaintances, doctors, extended family, my husband’s family, strangers, etc.) often pleasantly ask if baby is the “first grandbaby,” if “grandma is so excited!” and other questions of the like. People expect that my mom was in the delivery room, that she will be at events related to the baby (birthday parties, baptism, etc.) and ask where she is, if she isn’t present. The questions are well-meaning, and based on the assumption that most people my age have living parents who are involved with their grandchildren.

My husband and I are usually flustered by the (perfectly normal) questions. How should we respond to these questions politely, without making anyone uncomfortable, but without being misleading? My husband suggested saying, “I don’t have parents,” but I feel like that implies my parents have passed away.

GENTLE READER: “I am afraid they could not be here” is sufficiently vague, while slightly loaded, without being misleading. Or you can mistake their inquiry about your parents for one about your husband’s -- if they are on good terms -- and answer questions only in regards to that. The trick is to be brief and vague and not to allow oneself to be pressed into further explanation. This, Miss Manners finds, can often be expressed more successfully through the tone and finality of your statements, than through the actual words.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am still recovering from a rather long visit from my sweetheart’s sister. Marjorie talks nonstop, makes plans for us without our input, and in general has a larger-than-life personality.

Though I’m pretty casual, I find myself turned off when Marjorie picks food from serving dishes with her fingers, and licks the plate clean when she’s done eating. She also walks around the house in various stages of undress in front of us.

Marjorie has led a privileged life, and yet seems quite unaware of social norms. Her family appears to accept her behaviors as normal, and in her early 70s, she is not likely to change. Any suggestions on how to politely address the more unappetizing behaviors are greatly appreciated.

GENTLE READER: When confronted with startling behavior, one can certainly react by being dramatically startled, say with a muted scream -- as long as this is followed by, “I am so sorry. We did not mean to intrude on your privacy.” Obviously, Miss Manners encourages this reaction more for the states of undress than the licking of plates, but she also does not know how easily triggered you might be.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband is retiring after 40 years with the same company. The same month, he is turning 70 and we will be celebrating our 45th anniversary. We would like to host a party for friends and family to celebrate with us with a catered dinner, music and dancing. The people we would like to invite include friends from church, our dance friends and company people he has worked with for many years.

Our dilemma is that we do not know how to word an invitation, so that people will understand that we simply want them to come and party with us. We are not even sure that anyone would come without knowing the reason for the party, and yet we don’t think it’s necessary to state the cause for the celebration.

Are we going about this all wrong? Can we host a (wedding) reception-like party and convey, in the correct way, that we would love celebrating with friends and family just because we are happy to do so?

GENTLE READER: You do not give your friends much credit, do you? You doubt that they would want to socialize with you without having a specific reason to do so?

On the contrary, Miss Manners is certain that they will likely be grateful and relieved that they do not have to feel an obligation to buy presents -- for no fewer than three separate occasions.

Issue an invitation to the party and show its degree of festivity and formality by sending hand-written invitations and using formal language. “Mr. and Mrs. Herbert Many Milestones request the pleasure of your company at Venue on Saturday the 8th of Month at Time.” Please no registry, charity or gift information of any kind. No, not even “no gifts.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a relative who is going to try his hardest to come to our wedding from out-of-state. He was recently diagnosed with cancer and is currently using a feeding tube.

He is hoping to be off the feeding tube come wedding time, but if not, what can I do to make him feel not so left out while other people are enjoying their entrees? I already asked his daughter if there was any kind of special course that would be needed, so I can ask if the venue would be willing to prepare it, but she mentioned if he was still on the feeding tube they would bring what he needs.

I want him to be able to forget his diagnosis for at least one night, but that might not be so easy if he’s not able to eat while others can. What can I do?

GENTLE READER: Surely, even if there is a last-minute decision to attend, your relative and his daughter will have thought of how to manage his basic needs, including feeding him. Miss Manners commends your desire to make this man comfortable, but warns you to leave the particulars of how best to do that to the ones who are most often around him. Likely, all you can do is ask where to seat him comfortably during the ceremony and after -- and how else you may best accommodate the situation.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I pick my friend up from work every night, which I normally do alone. My brother also works there, so normally they fight over who rides shotgun, which I let them figure out on their own.

She usually takes front, because she makes such a big deal about it. My brother just gives up.

Well, tonight my husband also rode with me, and we stopped long enough to get out and talk to a few mutual friends. When getting back into my car, my friend claims shotgun by getting in the passenger seat.

My husband was the one driving at that point, so I told her to move. She made a big fuss, so I just sat in the backseat of my own car while she and my husband sat up front. Was she in the wrong or am I just overreacting?

GENTLE READER: Since everyone (except you) is behaving like this is the elementary school carpool, Miss Manners authorizes you to treat them accordingly. Next time a fight breaks out, explain that you are tired of listening to the argument and as the adult in the car, you are now laying down the rules: Your brother gets odd days and your friend gets even days. Your husband will have to take his chances.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: At a wedding, if various toasts are being offered to the newlywed couple, is it appropriate for only the head table (wedding party) to toast with champagne, while the rest of the guests are offered beer or wine?

This does not seem appropriate to me, but I am only the father of the groom. We are willing to cover the cost of the champagne.

GENTLE READER: This is not a charming trend -- or even a polite one. The most common justification for such rudeness is the cost, but if this were an issue, toasts can be made without champagne.

Miss Manners is impervious to the argument that the champagne need not be shared because it is part of the ritual, not the meal. Church basements are filled with sacramental wine.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I were invited by another couple to see a play with them. They purchased our tickets, for over a hundred dollars, and we reimbursed them.

I learned afterwards that they had received their tickets completely free as a promotion. So I was a bit upset that they never told us that they had received free tickets, and expected us to pay full price. It made us feel used.

Should they have told us before we accepted the invitation that they had free tickets but we would have to pay full price? If I had known, I would never have gone. Should they have split the costs with us?

GENTLE READER: Not sharing their good fortune was not, strictly speaking, rude, but Miss Manners considers their behavior neither kind nor charming. At the very least, they should not have entangled themselves in the financial transactions, and instead suggested that you two buy your own tickets.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)