DEAR MISS MANNERS: My faith is central to who I am and my life. Those who know me know this about me, as does my new neighbor, who is aware that I am careful about what I bring into my home.

When she went on a trip, she was kind enough to bring a souvenir back for me. It was quite thoughtful and I was touched. The gift was a small item that came wrapped with a magnet statuette of a local deity attached to the packaging. I thanked her immediately and told her I would enjoy using the item, deliberately omitting the fact that I would not be able to keep the magnet portion of the gift.

To my chagrin, she responded by saying that she hoped that it wasn’t a problem with the magnet statuette, and that everything in this place she had visited seemed to reference deities of one sort or another.

I responded that I loved the item, but that I would not be able to keep the statuette, at which point she offered to keep it in her apartment.

How could I have handled this better? Is there a way to graciously refuse a gift? For me, it is not an option to possess items linked with other faith traditions. Nor is there an option to lie.

GENTLE READER: Your reaction -- to express gratitude for the gift, and avoid an explanation that was both unnecessary and might be taken as criticism or ingratitude -- was not lying; it was compassion and good neighborliness.

That your neighbor did not know to quit when she was ahead is no reason to abandon your approach. In fact, Miss Manners wonders if the donor only realized the problem with the magnet as she was speaking.

A simple, repeated assurance of your gratitude might have stopped further, awkward attempts to smooth over a dawning fear that instead of doing something kind she might have inadvertently offended you. Not all train wrecks can be avoided, but there is no reason to contribute to the derailment.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A very close relative is dying and plans to leave each of my children a five-figure dollar inheritance. At this point, I have not told any of the children. Should I tell them and urge them to write a thank-you note to the relative before she passes away, or should I just wait? I thanked her, of course, when she told me of her intentions.

GENTLE READER: Your desire to issue a thank-you note before it is too late is laudable, but expressing gratitude for future gifts is tricky -- particularly when doing so may imply ambivalence about the necessary prerequisite.

You were right to thank your relative yourself, and while Miss Manners does not object to your telling your children about the inheritance if you wish, she urges you to encourage them to continue the love and attention they devote to the relative -- punctuated by the reality that the time in which to do so is limited.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife and I are often the recipients of complete verbal medical reports, sometimes from people we barely know.

I am 79 and my wife is 70. We look younger than our years due to healthy eating, exercise and a few cosmetic tweaks. Nevertheless, we both have calendars filled with doctor and dental appointments, which we never discuss with anyone other than one another.

We have grown tired of having to listen to complaints, often coming from individuals younger than us, in which we are spared no details. Quite frankly, we don’t want to be victimized in this manner anymore.

I am tempted to say, “Do you really think, at our age, we don’t have medical/health issues of our own?” Might there be a better way?

GENTLE READER: Certainly not that. If these people have any sense of decorum, they would feel obliged to give you a turn at reciting your medical history.

As an antidote to bores of any sort, Miss Manners recommends chiming in with a slightly irrelevant comment that sounds sympathetic, but also makes it obvious that you have not been following with great attention. For example, while someone is tracing the progress of his kidney stone, you say something like, “Oh, dear, I suppose all this nasty rain we’ve been having doesn’t help.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Now that we are nearing the conclusion of the Christmas season, I would like your insight on what has become a pervasive, narcissistic and somewhat aggravating tradition: Christmas cards proliferated with photos of children, grandchildren and even pets.

Even worse, letters as long as three pages bragging about the sender, their family, their exotic vacations, and any other event that the reader cares nothing about. If a family were to be the subject of the card, wouldn’t it be more appropriate to display the family that started the holiday, rather than secularizing it with the aforementioned?

GENTLE READER: Have you been on social media lately?

Posting pictures, boasting about vacations, and general self-promotion has become a full-time occupation for so many people that Miss Manners looks with longing back to the era when they only did it once a year. At Christmastime, she is happy to look at others’ grandchildren and hear about how they scaled Mount Everest, but not more often.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: After mailing a check for a Christmas gift to people like your newspaper carrier and your lawn mower, is a thank-you too much to expect? Whether it be in person, phone call, text, email or regular mail?

I ask because, after giving out checks tucked in a Christmas card the last couple of years to these people for their services, I have never received a thank-you. I can only tell they received them because they cashed the checks. They have all the info to contact me, and I have also seen the lawn man since, but never a word. Is this the norm?

GENTLE READER: Presumably they look upon this as a bonus that is part of expected compensation. But why they would not want to encourage generosity, Miss Manners cannot understand. It is not as though they would have to make special trips to thank you.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I love to send out Christmas cards, greetings and an annual holiday letter to about 150 people. I do so at a great investment of time, finances and commitment, but I enjoy sending holiday greetings in the joy of the season.

This year, for some reason, I received a large increase in the number of electronic Christmas cards and electronic Christmas letters, which I do not appreciate nor welcome. I choose not to respond in any way to these electronic greetings and cards.

Had I shared my real response and feelings, it would not have added to the joy of the season. How would you suggest one respond to such electronic Christmas cards and letters?

GENTLE READER: “For some reason”?

The reason is that technology has made it infinitely simpler to address people electronically than by hand and regular mail. The content, which you characterize as spreading joy, remains the same. And many paper Christmas cards contain a mere signature, which is sometimes even printed.

This does not merit an unpleasant response. You are free to reply using actual cards, or to ignore the exchange and let it drop.

That said, Miss Manners actually shares your annoyance. To her, it is the time and computer space occupied by receiving such greetings because they often have animated features. But she is willing to concede that this is a prejudice, and would not hold it against the senders.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When is it acceptable to cancel engagements? My friend thinks nothing of filling up her calendar with what must be “options,” and is famous for canceling the morning of -- or hours before -- meeting for happy hour or dinner.

Usually there is a flimsy excuse and little apology. Seems like a great system for her. I tried to call her on it recently and she pushed back and doubled down. Any hope for this friendship?

Has rudeness become acceptable these days?

GENTLE READER: Not to its victims. Miss Manners even doubts that the perpetrators believe it to be acceptable, but your supposed friend, who must know but not care that she is inconveniencing you, is brazening it out.

It is acceptable to cancel engagements when you are hospitalized. Showing consideration to your hosts is not an outdated concept.

If you are to continue this friendship, you should make -- and politely keep -- engagements only on this person’s turf. Why you would continue to set yourself up for more disappointment on yours, Miss Manners cannot imagine.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I just received a Christmas card with the message, ”A donation has been made in your name to ...” I am not sure why I find these “gifts” offensive, but I do.

Am I just a grump for feeling this way? I am not quite sure how to respond to these notifications. Do I just send a simple “Thank you for thinking of me”?

GENTLE READER: You’re offended because they didn’t think of you, unless this was a favorite charity of yours. They thought of getting credit for philanthropy and generosity for the same price.

Miss Manners would forgive you if you merely wrote, “I admire your support of ...”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)