DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m an old guy who has recently started getting a lot of tattoos. I belong to an earlier generation that generally frowned upon tattoos, but I’ve been intrigued by them for as long as I can remember. I love my new tattoos and I plan to get a lot more.

It’s easy to deal with compliments -- and I’ve gotten quite a few. But what can I say to people who make insulting comments? Do I stare them down? Cut them dead?

I’ve tried variations of “I got them for me, not for you,” which works, but somehow lacks the little kick I’m looking for. I don’t want to make a federal case of this, but sometimes I just don’t want to let something offensive get by.

GENTLE READER: Try, “Yes, I know they scare some people. But really, I’m quite harmless.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Which is appropriate when having an open house for a child?

1. Send paper invites/announcements to those you would like to attend?

2. Send them on social media to those you would like to attend?

GENTLE READER: How old is the child and how big is the house? If your child’s friends are not used to paper, you might not get anyone. If you post this on social media, you may get more than the house can hold.

Miss Manners suggests that you consult an expert on the habits of the circle you want to invite: your child.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’ve noticed that at checkouts, the clerk often addresses me as “Miss” in a rather dismissive tone. This only happens when the clerks are young men -- never older men, or women of any age, who say “ma’am,” a term of respectful address for any woman.

I feel offended by “Miss,” but I’m not sure why, or if I should say, “Please address me as Ma’am or Mrs. Smith.“

I notice these same clerks often address men of any age as “Sir.” Why not “Mr.” to be consistent, if they are going to call me “Miss”? I think I know why: “Mr.” sounds offensive. But again, why?

I searched the terms “senorita” vs. “senora,” and see that the trend in Spanish is toward calling any adult women “senora” regardless of whether she is married or not. I’m not Latina, but that appeals to me.

I realize my concern may be overly sensitive and trivial, but I would love your thoughts. To put things in perspective, I’m 80 years old, not a young “Miss.”

Perhaps I should just say, “Thanks, Mr.” and grab my groceries and go!

GENTLE READER: Do you know why they call you “Miss”?

Because others whom they have addressed respectfully as “ma’am” have chastised them for violating the fiction that everyone is young or at least pleased to be taken as such.

Miss Manners has been trying for years to dispel the self-hatred that leads people to think of growing old as shameful. She can only advise you not to waste emotional energy on how clerks address you.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I live in a city famous for the nouveau riche materialism of many residents. When I meet such people, their inevitable first question is, “Where do you live?”

I think of this as the “doggie-sniffing-new-doggie question.” It’s a puerile form of “conversation” and a crude attempt to discern net worth, social status and the desirability of my acquaintance.

I have been handling it this way:

Them: Where do you live?

Me: In City.

Them: Well, of course; WHERE in City?

Me: Central City.

Them: Where specifically?

Me: Neither north, nor far north, nor south; Central.

Them: What is the nearest landmark? What are the cross streets?

Since they are so dogged, how may I answer to shut them down? I’ve an address in another city and am considering, “My legal address is in That City. Do you need the P.O. Box?”

I’m very tempted, at their first question, to say with a big smile, “Oh, you’re asking the ‘doggie-sniffing-new-doggie question!’” And repeat that every time they try to pry.

Also, such people never, but never, discuss their own addresses.

GENTLE READER: There are not a lot of safe questions for opening a conversation.

“Where are you from?” and “What do you do?” and “Where did you go to school?” can also be used unpleasantly to evaluate strangers. And we won’t even mention “Who are your people?”

But you, too, are passing harsh, instant judgment on people you are just meeting. Some of them might just be looking for common ground on which to converse. Miss Manners notices that the benefit of the doubt is in short supply these days.

But if you must play your teasing game, just say “Across town” or “Not far from here,” followed by “And you?” with a deeply interrogative stare, to see if they are worthy opponents.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We are part of a large circle of friends, many of whom often host “bring an appetizer or dessert” parties. If I depart while there are still other guests in attendance, I generally put my remaining food items (finger foods) on a disposable plate to leave behind for anyone who might still be eating.

I heard from one of our most frequent hosts that she resents all the food left behind at her house, as she must then dispose of it. She would rather the person who brought it take it home.

What is the proper etiquette for dealing with food one has brought to a party such as this? Is it different for easily transferred foods, such as stuffed mushrooms or crostini, versus a casserole or salad?

GENTLE READER: To Miss Manners’ disgust, squabbles over leftovers seem to be a feature of communally supplied meals. She can hardly wait for the post-Thanksgiving complaints.

As hosts may differ about accepting the leftovers, the contributing guest can offer them or not, and accept the host’s response. Among friends, it should not be that hard.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Someone told me you said it is impolite to acknowledge another’s personal appearance, even if your intent was a compliment (“My, that sweater looks lovely on you!”). Is this truly impolite?

GENTLE READER: It is if you have no business staring at that person’s sweater.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A number of friends are hosting parties to raise funds to support a candidate for president.

I have already given what I can to this specific cause. May I use my prior donation as "credit" and still attend my friends' parties?

GENTLE READER: Your friends are not likely to think so. Unfortunately, donations to parties like these are often the price of admission -- and past donations are not likely to live on in the memory of campaigners who are trying to raise funds.

Miss Manners does not hold out strong hope that different parties will be held for past donors, but perhaps you can gently suggest that to the friends whose parties you will be declining. “I am afraid that we have met our budget for donating to this particular candidate, but here is hoping that when she wins, we will all be able to celebrate together.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Destination bachelor and bachelorette parties seem to be the norm. Is the best man or maid of honor expected to pay for everything?

My son seems to think it is his responsibility to pay for "their" big weekend, even if they are calling for an expensive destination party. I think he is heading for a huge disappointment if all of his friends get married before him and, when his turn comes, these same men will be knee-deep in mortgages and car payments and maybe even children. They may not be able to reciprocate.

I tried explaining this to him, that not everybody has the kind of income to be able to afford this kind of extravagance.

GENTLE READER: Does he? Is your son truly prepared to pay for the vacation of the groom and all of his friends?

That is generous indeed. But it being “his responsibility” is what gives Miss Manners pause, not the idea that it will not be reciprocated. Agreeing to be honored in a good friend’s wedding does not mean signing up to pay for expensive group vacations -- no matter what the magazines and affianced tell you. Your son would do well to suggest that these expenses are shared -- or if he feels he is unable to get out of the assignment, that he get to pick a venue that he can better afford.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Twice a year, I visit an old man who has worked in my industry since before I was born. He's something of a mentor. When we meet on the weekends, it is at his country home, and members of his staff serve lunch and then drive me back.

My spouse thinks I should bring a gift when visiting anyone at home. I wouldn't have a clue what to give a business acquaintance, particularly someone of exceptional wealth, so I send a handwritten thank-you card a few days later. Should I be doing more?

GENTLE READER: While a present is not strictly necessary, Miss Manners takes issue with some of your reasoning: 1. That rich people only like expensive presents and 2. That you could not possibly guess what a man you frequently visit and who shares an interest in your industry might like.

Thoughtful thank-you letters are sufficient. But the occasional small present, like a book or token that references something you have talked about, would also be exceptionally charming.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)