DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it bad manners to finish someone else’s plate without asking?

I will leave half a sandwich to finish later, and my husband will come along and eat it without even asking if I am going to finish it. And most times it is the only sandwich like it. I cannot duplicate it or remake it.

GENTLE READER: Where are you getting these sandwiches?!

Miss Manners does not mean to suggest that your husband’s behavior is not rude, she is only caught off guard by the notion that your meals are seemingly irreplaceable. Because otherwise, she would suggest that in the interest of marital harmony -- and knowing your husband’s proclivity -- you find a way to procure two sandwiches before sitting down to eat yours. Barring that, you might tell your husband of your intentions to save the rest beforehand. And then quickly wrap it up and hide it from him.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We have a small house, and family and friends are always welcome. We also have six cats, and their care and comfort are important.

We have to keep our cats separate so they don’t fight (everyone is spayed/neutered; they just don’t get along), so two cats live in what used to be our guest room.

We explain this to our overnight guests, several of whom are allergic to cats and/or don’t like cats, and they still insist everything will be fine. They then refuse to let the cats in the room during the day, while the distressed cats howl and claw the door.

Frankly, I don’t care if the cats take their jewelry, but I do care if the cats choke on it.

There are also simple things that must be done when living with cats, like making sure indoor cats don’t run out the door, keeping toilet lids down, and keeping breakable things out of their reach. It seems our guests simply don’t care, and don’t comply. I don’t see why this is all so hard to understand. The cats need care and consideration; they are not disposable furry houseplants.

To be fair, we stay with these pet-less folks when visiting them, so we can’t ask them not to stay with us. I’ve even tried putting Post-it notes around the house, reminding guests to keep doors and toilet lids closed, etc., which was considered rude. How do we handle this situation politely so there are no hurt feelings?

GENTLE READER: Well, it is too late for the cats, who have already been rudely locked out of their rooms and probably have something to say about it.

Miss Manners does have a certain sympathy for guests who do not wish to be woken up by persistent fur balls looking for fun -- or having their belongings gone through in their absence.

However, you must be more forceful in setting the rules when you issue invitations. “You are so kind to say that you don’t mind cohabitating with the cats, but I am worried that keeping them safe is proving bothersome to you. I understand if you need to find another place to stay and of course, I am happy to do likewise when we visit you.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I live in an old mill that has been converted to apartments. I know some of my neighbors, but there are many I do not. There’s a lot of us here, and people move in and out frequently.

I like holding the door for others. However, since our apartment has a vestibule door that requires a residency key to enter, other tenants often seem uncomfortable with my holding the door.

What am I to do -- pull the door closed behind me and mouth apologies through the window? Or completely ignore the person and hope I never see them in the laundry room?

GENTLE READER: Spy movies in which the good guy gains access to the old mill by defeating a high-tech, higher-cost security system bore Miss Manners. Partly this is because she is unsporting enough to notice that a halfway attentive guard (the other half presumably playing sudoku) would have foiled the whole plan.

The lesson is that now is the time to introduce yourself to your new neighbors. This will spare you from the other reason Miss Manners avoids the above-mentioned movies, namely, her inability to tell the good guys and the bad guys apart.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I don’t speak much Spanish, but I’ve studied it enough to know how to pronounce words and names correctly, more or less. Should I do so in casual conversation?

I often cringe when I hear Americanized pronunciations -- by, for example, sports broadcasters who, as part of their preparation, surely could learn how to pronounce athletes’ names. On the other hand, certain words, such as burrito, are virtually part of American English now, including (perhaps) their American pronunciations.

Is it pertinent whether the person I’m talking to is a native Spanish speaker? I want to put people at their ease, but I also don’t want to seem presumptuous.

GENTLE READER: Ideally, one can find a compromise between atrociously mangling a word and affecting a noticeable accent (which, depending on your fluency, may or may not fool anyone).

Attempts to render the word as would a native speaker are too easily misunderstood -- sometimes as pretentiousness or a sneer, sometimes as simply unrecognizable. Miss Manners notes that names are trickier because mispronunciations can give offense. Fortunately, they come with corporeal owners who can dispense guidance and, as needed, tolerance and forgiveness.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I alternate taking our dog on morning walks. He thinks it’s acceptable to dispose of bagged pet waste in strangers’ garbage cans, if they’ve been rolled out to the sidewalk for pickup that day or if they’re permanently stored at the end of a driveway, adjacent to the sidewalk.

I agree that holding on to the bag for the entirety of the walk is unpleasant, but I wait for disposal until we’ve reached the public garbage cans at our neighborhood park, or until we’ve gotten home. What do you think?

GENTLE READER: That no harm is done by additions to a trash can that cannot be seen or smelled. Miss Manners also recommends not getting caught, which will require Mauser to be a cooperating coconspirator.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a transgender woman who recently transitioned from living as a male to living as a female. I have a new name, and I look different enough that people who knew me before do not recognize me. I periodically see someone in public who knew me as a male.

What would be some good words to use to greet them and alert them to who I am without causing undue shock or giving them more information than they want to deal with?

GENTLE READER: “So good to see you again. You remember me as Zachery Morrow. I am now Zelda Morrow.”

Miss Manners then recommends changing the subject by inquiring about them. She says this because it is polite, but also because you already, no doubt, have enough people who want to quiz you about your transition.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Today at the supermarket, the woman ahead of me in the checkout line abandoned her cart, strode past me without a word, and returned to her shopping. As the customer ahead left, I paused a moment, then attempted to pass the lonely cart and complete my purchase.

From 40 feet away, the woman cried out, “Excuse me!” and scurried back in front of me in line. I said, “We were ready to roll here,” and she replied, “Well, I’m ready now.”

I managed to hold my tongue thereafter, but wonder: Was I out of line? Or was she thrice rude: first, to leave her cart; secondly, to ignore me; and third, to berate me in my attempt to keep the line moving?

GENTLE READER: If the woman’s behavior delayed tallying up your groceries, Miss Manners has no objection to spending the time counting the rudenesses committed. They include the ones you name -- and possibly, depending on tone and delivery, your own statement, as well.

But it would be tastier to count the successes. That the woman hurried back when you attempted, quite reasonably, to bypass her abandoned cart is one. Her return ended the delay. Had you been content with that, you could have added a second success: not returning rudeness with further rudeness.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My stepdaughter, with whom I have had a decent but sometimes rocky relationship, is expecting her first child. She has sent a baby shower invitation addressed solely to my husband.

My husband says I am being petty in feeling snubbed. I feel that an invitation to a married couple should include both parties. Who is correct here? Should I assume I was included?

GENTLE READER: You are correct. And your husband has an ulterior motive: peace between his wife and his daughter, preferably without any further action required on his part.

Miss Manners mentions this to steel you for some mild deception yourself. Tell your husband that you are conflicted because you want to honor his daughter’s feelings, but do not know what they are. If she wants to spend the time with her birth father, you understand completely. But you would be mortified to miss the event if she meant to include you.

Your husband will comfort you while insisting there is no reason to consult the daughter. Hold firm. The only way he can resolve your dilemma is by calling his daughter and asking her intentions. This will teach her not to misbehave and him not to countenance bad behavior.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)