DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a paralegal in a midsize law firm, where I will soon be marking my 10th anniversary. For the past few years, I have been fortunate to be given very generous bonuses and raises by the firm, and I’ve written thank-you notes to the founding partners -- two of whom are located in a different city, and the third of whom is the managing partner of the office where I work.

A few weeks ago, my managing partner stopped by my office with the thank-you notes I had sent to him and returned them to me, saying he was cleaning out his office. On one hand, I was flattered, if not a little surprised, that he had kept these, but I also thought it was a little unusual to return them. I’ve never heard of anyone returning a thank-you note, or, for that matter, of anyone other than a doting parent keeping a note for a number of years.

I know he appreciated the gesture, but I’m wondering if, going forward, I should continue to express my appreciation verbally, or by email, without adding to the correspondence on his desk. It’s obviously not something I’d feel comfortable asking him.

GENTLE READER: When Miss Manners considers demands for the return of correspondence, she is thinking of someone insisting on the return of love letters, not the hoarding of thank-you letters. Otherwise, returning letters is an insulting gesture.

What your managing partner did was, indeed, odd, and in your particular case, she agrees that in future, consideration suggests that you clutter his electronic inbox instead of his desk.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: On what occasion would you cover your plate with your napkin? If you don’t finish your meal and want to shield your guests from seeing it? When you finish?

GENTLE READER: Never?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: As someone who endeavors to fulfill the obligations of a polite person, I find myself stymied by how to write an appropriate letter of condolence in extraordinarily difficult circumstances.

A young man who had been in my daughter’s class from kindergarten through high school recently died of a drug overdose. We do not have a personal relationship with his parents, yet if I lost my child under such horrific circumstances, I hope I would find it comforting to know that others remembered him and cared enough to write.

But how can one correctly word a letter expressing sympathy for such an unimaginable loss? I hesitate to mention my daughter’s connection to this young man for fear that it would be insensitive, yet it is likely that they would recognize her name, but perhaps not mine.

GENTLE READER: Mentioning your own daughter is only insensitive if the bereaved parents resent your not having suffered a similar loss. Bereaved parents can be forgiven much, but as it is an ugly feeling, it is more generous to assume this is not the case. Miss Manners trusts that a condolence letter from your family -- which includes your daughter -- will be both appreciated and taken in the proper spirit.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My boyfriend and I went out for a nice dinner and ordered quail as an appetizer. It was absolutely delicious, but also very difficult to eat, as the bird is very small, and the meat difficult to cut off of the bones.

We were laughing at ourselves in our frustration, trying to pin down the drumstick with the fork and knife to get at the meat, and wondering if there was a proper way to eat small fowl. It certainly didn’t seem proper to pick it up and eat it like a drumstick of fried chicken on a picnic, but the alternative -- chasing it around the plate with fork and knife and being unable to get at half of the meat -- didn’t seem quite right, either. Do you have any advice for us?

GENTLE READER: Quail is indeed a challenge. Request a very sharp knife, and reconcile yourself to not getting every last smidgeon. Miss Manners offers two observations: You are better off than the quail. And you will likely wish to order a more substantial main course.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: On two separate occasions, I have witnessed a person falling. Are there any rules or customs that help individuals respond to these accidents?

In both cases, those who saw the accidents waited for the paramedics -- who were necessary, as the injuries were serious. Beyond calling 911, are bystanders to walk away so there won’t be additional confusion, or move out of the way and wait out of concern?

If we walk away, knowing that we are not able to help the situation, it appears as if one is indifferent. If we stand around, it appears as if we are gawking and enjoying the moment. There should be a way to handle this.

GENTLE READER: Gawkers and good Samaritans are differentiated by their actions, but Miss Manners recognizes that in such situations, action is not always required.

You will therefore have to demonstrate your intent by standing back and putting on a concerned face (furrowed brow), but not staring. How long to remain in that position -- in other words, whether you can leave -- will depend on the seriousness of the fall and the number of other people available in case extra help is needed.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My daughter will be a first-generation university graduate this spring. I want to take her out to a restaurant of her choice afterwards to celebrate. Any family/friends wishing to attend the dinner party are welcome to come along, provided I know in advance, so that proper reservations can be made.

Would it be inappropriate to expect everyone to pay their own way? And how would I convey this message without any hurt feelings or being presumptuous?

GENTLE READER: As she is unwilling to question your motives, Miss Manners must instead question your logic. A dinner host invites guests -- and bears the cost of feeding them. In return she receives, one hopes, recognition as the host, gratitude and reciprocation.

If you do not wish to assume the responsibilities of a host, then she cannot offer you the rewards. Alternatives would be a less costly dinner at your home, a smaller guest list, or persuading one of your daughter’s peers to pipe up at the graduation ceremony with, “Hey, does anyone want to go over to Josh’s Diner and grab dinner?”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was raised to send thank-you letters as a matter of politeness. As I became an adult, I realized that it feels good to thank people with letters or cards out of sincere gratitude.

I was invited to join my boyfriend on a very generous group vacation where our accommodations were paid for entirely by his close friends (a couple). The vacation lasted a week, and while I enjoyed myself and appreciated the company of the group greatly, I also felt out of place at times, and a bit of an inconvenience to the hosts and other guests, who were all very close friends.

I did, however, wish to thank the hosts, and expressed to my boyfriend the idea of purchasing a card and a small souvenir from the local region to mail to their home later. He sort of scoffed at me and, generally, seems to think it’s odd and unnecessary that I go so far out of my way to send thank-you cards.

I am feeling self-conscious about what to do. I feel the hosts were fairly indifferent that I was there in the first place, and my boyfriend seems to think formal thanks unnecessary.

I bought the card and a small souvenir anyway (although I also fear it’s not their taste), and decided I would think about whether or not to send it later -- but now it’s “later,” and I still don’t know what I should do. Do you have any thoughts?

GENTLE READER: That if you want to feel forever out of place with these people, just be the odd add-on who takes advantage of a connection to accept generous hospitality, and then vanishes in silence until the next such opportunity arises.

That your boyfriend believes that gratitude is unimportant is a bad sign. Perhaps he feels that the group is on such close terms with the hosts that they can take their generosity for granted. Miss Manners assures you that this will not wear well. There always comes a time when the most affable host begins to brood about being taken advantage of.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am baffled as to why, when dining out with a friend or a group, it is often conveyed as bad manners to ask for separate checks. If I were to draw an analogy: When I go shopping with two friends, the cashier never asks if we want separate receipts. It is understood that each person will pay for their own items and will have their own receipt.

Why are the expectations different in restaurants? When we eat out, no matter who we are with or the size of the party, I always ask up front if we can please have separate checks. I say it quickly, before orders are taken, and always with a smile. I can only remember a time or two in the last decade when the staff didn’t happily comply.

GENTLE READER: You are not the only person who is baffled. A restaurant may choose not to allow this, but that is purely for its own convenience. Miss Manners hopes that no such objections are coming from your fellow diners, because there is nothing rude about this.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)